Feeling bad.

[fortysomething78]

My Dad is slowly dying of a lung disease. Years of smoking has left his lungs in a bad way. He did stop about 5 years after being hospitalised with pneumonia but the damage was done.
My Mum still smokes and in the house.
It's almost like the elephant in the room as my Mums denial over the harmful effects of smoking is sad to see.
My Dad had to have an ambulance phoned by the Doctor yesterday due to breathing issues. My Mum phoned me yesterday in tears and I said "you need to stop smoking in the house as it is killing him"
She got so angry, defended her smoking in the house. And had now fallen out with me. Sigh.
Was I being unreasonable ?
Is it worth making the situation worse when it makes no difference to my Mums smoking?

Sorry should say he did stop about 5 years ago.

While your Mum is definitely not helping, I think you need to remember your dad's lungs are already severely damaged as a result of his own actions. It's not her smoking in the house that is killing him, it's his history of smoking

I'd fall out with you too if you said that to me after I've called you up in tears for support.

You don't know what she and your father have spoken about, for all you know he could have told her to crack on as the damage is already done.

Your father's past actions are what is killing him. Your mother is killing herself. You're just being needlessly unkind

I soon as I typed this out I felt bad. I've just phoned and spoke to my Mum for the last 30 minutes and apologised for saying she shouldn't smoke in the smoke and that my timing wasn't great.
She was crying again and said she knows I'm right but is so stressed and her go to coping mechanism is smoking.
I probably do need to look at it in a different way that my Dads last lifestyle is what is killing him not my Mums current smoking.
I suppose because I'm not addicted to nicotine I find it frustrating and lack understanding of my Mums addiction.
Thanks for reply's.

As soon.
Smoke in the house.
In the past.

With alot of empathy - they are both killing themselves.
It's both of them smoking. Yes your mum is now not helping but the damage is done to your dad even though he only passive smokes now.
If you smoke, it's not if you get lung cancer. It's when.
For every year you don't smoke the risk goes down. But it never zeros. (And over a certain age doesn't even go down massively.)
It's hard but I think you said the right thing to your mum - now you've said it it's up to her. I wouldn't keep on at it.
Seeing our loved ones ill is incredibly hard, sending you love and hugs.

Thanks @Arrowcat nicotine addiction is so sad. It's ruined my Dads later years and he now has no quality of life. My Mum seems to think she is immune from any harmful effects and anything that does happen negatively health wise she would never associate with her smoking.
She did say she thinks mum Dad may end up having to have oxygen in the Hosie so this will mean she can't smoke in the house.

I'm glad you had another, better conversation.

Give yourself a break, you're going through something horrible.

Try to offload to a friend to stop you discussing with your mum?

Thanks @latticechaos I have a good friend who has went through similar and can chat about this with her. Think I'll just go back to being supportive with my Mum. It's been said. She knows. It doesn't need said again.
I need to remember it's my Dads own actions not my Mums current ones. 😊