Leaving home at 16

[Nickjs]

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting.
I'm at my wits end with my boy who's 16 next month, wanting to move in with his older girlfriend. I don't want to stop him, just for him to wait till he leaves school. Anyone else dealt with this?

How does he propose to finance himself? I would take the approach that to move out and lead an adult life he needs to plan like an adult and consider his education, finances and life skills.

I’d also be very worried about them getting pregnant and going down that rabbit warren.

I haven’t dealt with my own child in this situation but have done professionally.

Hi. We've only briefly spoken about it because I didn't thi k he was particularly serious. However my younger son told me he planned to move in on his birthday. He's there all day every day and have had some horrible arguments about him staying overnight, explaining that she could get into trouble. I'm trying not to hassle him about it because I don't want him just to take off. We have said, once he's 16 he can stay weekends and school holidays but to make it work, he needs to finish school and be in work

How old is his girlfriend?

Support your ds in his plans. I left him a week after my 17th.. Under a cloud. Relationship with dm never fully recovered..
Keeping things nice will enable ds to admit if it isn't working out and come home.

She's nearly 17. She is living in her mums flat (her mum lives with her partner).
I don't want us to fall out, I have known of people leaving under a cloud and don't feel they can ask for support when needed.
Obviously I want him to live with me for a few years yet but I know I'll loose him if it gets into an argument, and let's face it, he's going to need all the support he can get.
He's not very talkative these days either.

I wouldn't make too much of it tbh.

Kids of that age are often full of plans that come to nothing and as pp said he'll need to pay for his keep; I doubt his girlfriend's mother and her partner are going to be happy to keep him.

I'd try to keep the arguments to a minimum as well. At 16 it's unlikely his gf would be in much trouble about having sex with him at his age; very different if she's in her 20s or older.

Chances are it'll all fizzle out. It's more important to ensure he feels he can come back home and not feel anyone's going to say 'I told you so.'

Very frustrating I know but always keep the opportunity open for him to talk to you.

He's 15, they might not even be together by the time it's his birthday!

I assume the idea is he moves in with GF, her Mum, and partner. Does GF mother know of this plan? Is she happy with it? How is he going to pay his way whilst at GF’s family home?

...or, are they hoping to get a flat together? How are they financing it?

Could you offer to “help” him work out what benefits he’d (not) get, help apply for jobs, and what his expenditures will be? Maybe look up statistics on how many applicants for various roles, how much they’d earn (after tax). The reality for a 16-year-old leaving home isn’t pretty, but he can work that out for himself if you make sure he has accurate information.

I do t think you’ll actually need to step in here, assuming you don’t fall out then once the financial reality hits home he’ll come back!

Definitely keep lines of communication open and as pleasant as possible, but I'd talk to him about it, asking him how is he going to finance his life there, and pay his own way?

Fwiw, I think you are right to put emphasis in "school work first" after the holidays. This is a crucial time of your ds's life that could have massive implications later on if he doesn't focus on it now.

Also, I'd want to know for sure how often the gf's mother was at home in the flat? (Sorry op; I can't quite tell from your post if the mother is living elsewhere with her partner or they are all living together? )

My DS said exactly the same 13 months ago at the same age. He is now going into Year 13, has just released his first single with his band and is talking about a gap year to tour...the girlfriend has fallen by the wayside. Just wait and like you say, maintain positive relations.

Does the girlfriend’s family know these plans?

Would they really take on another teenager? I know I wouldn’t!

By the way I sympathise. My teen Ds is an utter shit sometimes. It’s like walking on eggshells just to keep the peace.

Girls friend lives in mums flat
Mum lives in boyfriends flat
So not mum keeping them -

I don't know how to reply individually sorry. And my last reply doesn't seem to have saved.
Eggshells definitely. But he's a stubborn lad and will cut his nose off. I'll certainly try to stay calm and hope it blows over without drama.
His girlfriend has grown up with grandparents due to issues with her parents (don't know the details but none of her siblings are with either parent)
He's dyslexic so needs to be in school so I will seek help from school and SS if I need to with regards to school.
Thanks for your help everyone. I'll keep you informed.

So has he mentioned money?

If he's determined to go then trying to stop him is probably futile.

How does he plan to finance it?

Is his girlfriend still at school? What are his plans?

SS are not going to get involved with a 16 year old and a 17 year old I'm afraid. They barely get involved with young kids being neglected by their parents.

Your best bet now might be to make home very, very inviting so that when the realities of living with no money hit the temptation to come home is massive, but there's not a loss of face if he does.