So I know I am very emotional at the moment and may well be being unreasonable. Would be grateful for your thoughts and advice on what you would do. Apologies if this is too long - there is a backstory.
My father died recently (funeral was on Friday) - it was a horrible painful death and because of corona we were completely alone. It will haunt me forever. I had helped look after him for years, built my whole life around him (only child, divorced parents, not married) and am devastated. Everything feels pointless and even getting up to attend to daily life is a struggle /it’s just empty but I know I will need to rebuild. We had the funeral on Friday, I was alone on Saturday and then on Sunday my best friend came round. I have known her since school days , was there for her when her Mum died (helped plan and pay for the funeral) , children were born and she got divorced etc. Unfortunately I have felt we have drifted in recent years. We live in different parts of the country - she has a new relationship and when things are good I can go months/up to a year without hearing from her. When things are bad (for example when he dumped her to start another relationship) I can hear from her 5/6 times a day. During their most recent break up she phoned me saying she was suicidal , my father was in a&e unable to breath properly. I had to leave him to travel across the country and help her. I regret doing that. She then got back with him and despite my father being very ill I didn’t hear from her for months. When she did eventually get in touch I told her how hurt I was to not even receive a text - she didn’t apologise (maybe I was expecting too much) but said it was my fault for being a ‘closed book’/not asking for help: a repeated theme. I don’t think I am really - she knew what I was going through was happy (good for her) just didn’t make the effort? I decided to end our friendship , wished her all the best (in most ways she is a great person and I am very fond of her and her family) and left it at that. She bombarded me with texts and calls, and eventually I gave in. We were friends albeit a bit wary for months ( worth noting up until my father’s recent death she hadnt been to see me once since she began a new relationship six years ago: it was me who had to travel to see her despite my having caring responsibilities for my terminally ill father).
My father died recently. He was in hospital from December and it was horrendous (I will spare you the detail- but it was painful and bloody). When he died my friend did come down for the day the next week and then agreed to help with the funeral (as I had done with her mother and we had talked about for years). However her boyfriend booked for her to go on holiday abroad that week so in the end she was unable to help . She did however come back for the morning of the funeral and said she would stay with me the following week. As I had done for her following the death of her mother at her request. However this has not happened. The day after the funeral she went to a garden party being held by her family - I was kindly invited but was too upset to go and meet new people etc. She offered to come and see me in the evening - initially she said it would be sround 4or 5 but then around 7/8 she said she was going to have a drink with her boyfriend and would come a little later. I was a little annoyed as others had said they would come round to keep me company so I wasnt alone but I had stupidly declined their offers as I thought she would be there. I also wanted to go to the grave early in the morning. She knew I was unhappy but it wasn’t a big deal. The next evening she cane round and we had a huge row- our first proper stand up row in over thirty years of friendship. I was (probably badly) trying to explain how devestated I was that my father had died- the last 20 years of my life have been spent looking after him and I now feel completely alone/nothing to fill my life with/no purpose. I have family and friends but no partner or children and whilst everyone is lovely I am not a priority for anyone and I am going to have to get used to that. She spent the whole conversation scrolling through /checking her phone : I asked if she needed to be somewhere else. She took huge offence, said my comments had belittled the memory of her Mum (who was fabulous -and I would never intentionally say anything bad about) , said I had ruined her holiday (I don’t know how - I didn’t contact her - perhaps because she returned early for the funeral?) and stormed off. I have not heard from her again and don’t expect to. I paid the bill for where we were (alcohol was not involved) and left. It was utterly crazy. I feel confused and hurt about it all- normally I would be upset but given my father’s death it is really just a niggle in the back of my head. As I have no one else to talk to I thought I would consult you all . I am aware I am very emotional at the moment so wondered if I have done something wrong that I am just unaware of or if this is just someone who wanted out of our friendship and was looking for an excuse? What would you do? Have I been unreasonable?