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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be shocked at how dystopian going shopping feels now?

297 replies

GratefulLove · 11/08/2020 00:22

Today I went shopping in my town centre for the first time since early March. I just could not process how different it all is now. Last time I was in town I remember picking up a box of paracetamol and some hand sanitiser in Boots "just in case" but aside from that it all felt normal albeit a little like the calm before the storm.

Today though. Hand sanitiser everywhere, one-way systems, floor markings. Obviously I knew all this existed from social media and the news but seeing my town, my familiar town so completely different has floored me in a way I didn't expect. Shops selling hand sanitiser and masks - I expected this in Boots and other pharmacies but I didn't expect Primark to have rows and rows of hand sanitiser by the tills. I didn't expect shopping to feel so clinical, it felt like a hospital visit.

I was in one shop and there were a group of young children playing and joking around with each other. They did not have masks on and seeing them playing around just looked so normal and then I looked around and saw all the adults with masks just looking expressionless and almost soulless. It just looked so frightening.

We are months into this pandemic and I still can't believe this is all real. It still feels like a film. I don't know, with the daily conferences now a thing of the past and headlines now involving more topics than just the coronavirus it kind of felt like things were slowly getting back to normal but this really cemented that they are nowhere near normal.

Also I just want to say how much I appreciate all retail workers.

OP posts:
Exilecardigan · 11/08/2020 09:14

I think you need to start going in more. I’ve been wearing a mask since March in the shops and been going every week to get food. I finally got a mask that is a good fit and I’m finally used to wearing it so now shopping is totally fine. I popped to local Tesco last night around 8. Very quiet. Did my full shop in 30mins chatted to the girl at the till and then headed off. Felt normal. Took off my mask and Sanitised my hands once in the car and all good. I barely noted the masks for sale just to think those blue disposable ones aren’t comfortable. It’s very weird at the start but you do adjust. That said I really don’t want to see masks become part of our culture similar to Asia etc. Hopefully we wear them now then when there’s a vaccine move away from it completely. I do think I’ll keep up better hand sanitation though.

Trashtara · 11/08/2020 09:15

That'll change when the full brunt of the recesson hits. Lucky you though to be saving money, we've lost an amount I can't even think about.

By "I don't want to get back to normal" I meant my spending habits - lockdown has made me realise we wasted lots of money on unnecessary things.

I'm sorry you've lost money. But me saving money is not the reason for that. Me saving money is a good thing for us and overall, as we will be less impacted by a recession, placing a families less pressure on already stretched resources.

Tadpolesandfroglets · 11/08/2020 09:16

Maybe it’ll stop us all from being a nation of vacuous materialistic consumers....Hmm

Streamingbannersofdawn · 11/08/2020 09:18

I can understand your perspective because you haven't been to the shops since March.

Personally I think things are a lot better now. We couldn't get delivery slots so I had to go shopping right through the lockdown. You could feel the anxiety, very long queues and there were no masks then and in the earliest part no perspex screens either. People were just trying to get the essentials and get out again. That wasn't a nice feeling.

I find it much easier now. We seem to have eased into it somewhat, there are less queues and people have worked out that passing someone in a shop briefly isn't the kiss of death! Now there are masks it feels more relaxed and as though we are getting back to normal a bit.

I have always liked a bit of hand sanitiser anyway but the difference between shops is funny. The one at our local garden centre is completely liquid so you need to stand back and the one at the supermarket I'm pretty sure is just soap as it wont rub in! Little things...you've got to find humour where you can.

Also the first time I wore a mask I hated it and felt hot and claustrophobic but after about 10 minutes it was fine and now I don't think about it.

Personally I think it has helped that I continued going out all the way through, as I've seen it get better and the changes haven't seemed massive. I have friends who have only done local walks since March. They are going to the coast next week. I think that going from nothing to a busy seaside town is going to be a bit of a culture shock!

Menora · 11/08/2020 09:21

The more you go out the more weirdly this all becomes normal

FatalDistraction · 11/08/2020 09:21

I live in a rural town and it has been near untouched by Coronavirus. We know of one person here, versus loads elsewhere, and my friends cannot name anyone. That aside, our residents seem to think we are on the outer perimeter of some nuclear disaster. OK, so we have to wear masks, but everyone is really tetchy and nasty to each other for no reason. We have performance security at our local supermarket and you have to queue for ages to get in. Once in, there are usually about 1 other person in an aisle. I was in Boots the other day and joined the back of the queue. I was literally a split second in front of this other woman who then insisted she was before me. I wold usually argue the toss, but couldn't be bothered to increase the heat behind my mask and further.

It isn't actually the mask or the SD I object to. It is the attitude that it brings with it. It's a green light for people to ironically drop the mask and reveal their true personality i.e. Twatty.

Trashtara · 11/08/2020 09:22

I think you need to start going in more. I’ve been wearing a mask since March in the shops and been going every week to get food. I finally got a mask that is a good fit and I’m finally used to wearing it so now shopping is totally fine.

I wear full PPE all day at work (NHS). I'd rather not go to the shops than have to wear one there as well.

MarshaBradyo · 11/08/2020 09:24

I was just thinking how much calmer it all is compared with the empty shelves, stuff thrown around earlier stages of pandemic. That part was chaotic.

We’ve started going out to lunch regularly and it is different but at least we can go, the dc like it.

IceCreamSummer20 · 11/08/2020 09:38

I think dystopian is an overreaction. We do seem to get quite excited in the west about having to conform to anything. I think we need to change our mindset to being more community minded, and that is what one way systems, wearing masks etc are - thinking and acting for other people.

Some Asian counties have been more community minded for years. We could learn from that.

QuestionMarkNow · 11/08/2020 09:42

@GratefulLove, I’m wondering how you would find France.
Where I am, people have to wear masks outside too. All the shop workers are wearing masks all day long (including staff in restaurants with all the tables outside).

But there is no one way system. You still queue outside small shops. And you can find remnants of markings on the floor.

I quite like it. People are smiling (and yes you can see that with people wearing a mask). They look relaxed and imo it feels safer than the U.K.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 11/08/2020 09:52

"I guess people are being very liberal with their use of the word dystopian."

^THIS

Priti Patel and her desire to keep us alone on this prison island is dystopian.

Masks and distance and hand sanitiser - tbh is just a bit of hygiene.

Thewiseoneincognito · 11/08/2020 10:01

It’s great for some retail workers because it’s got rid of the time wasters or browsers. If you’re in high end sales, people come in for what the want and leave, it’s good for us shoppers too because there’s fewer people around to get in the way haha! Despite the hand sanitizer being everywhere you’ll never find me touching key pads, door handles or buttons ever again.

BoingBoingyBoing · 11/08/2020 10:05

Christ some people need to get a grip.

BogRollBOGOF · 11/08/2020 10:06

I've been shopping continuously through the year, from 3 baren supermarkets to pick up fresh supplies for a top-up shop during peak panic buying (had built up preparation shopping through February, so was not on a quest for bogrolls or pasta), through the queues and restricted hours in April, wondering if I could buy rapidly growing DS some essential "non-essential" shorts. It was odd as something changed by the week, screens here, barriers there. I joked at the till that it was going more like the Crystal Maze each week.

The first couple of weeks did feel strangely Handmaids Tale. Eerily quiet. Still limited stocks and restrictions on quantities. That eased off.

By May, things felt relatively normal apart from the extra screens. Hours had normalised and I haven't queued since then because I go at a naturally quiet slot anyway.

In June, the non-essential shops opened, and I've been to town and retail units, stocked up on the needs of growing children, made a few impulse buys.

It's the masks that have tipped me for a variety of reasons. Warm humid air has always been a trigger for sensory overload, and I have form for panic attacks, particularly in a situation where I feel trapped (shops/ queues were a trigger especially when pregnant). I'm also a lip reader and can't cope with the muffling of speech quality from the masks and screens and loss of 2/3s of facial movements. I'm sensitive to faces and have been unsettled by things like the stupid selfie filters that distort facial feature or turn people into animals. There were masks around early pandemic, but they were an anomaly and faded off by May, but the expectatation that everyone has to wear one is my limit. I am trying. I had a panic attack 5 minutes into my weekly shop at the weekend and the mental choice of risk panic attack by complying or risk verbal abuse from non-complience is absolutely not helpful. I cope better in a setting that lasts about 5 minutes in total with a couple of things to get. I find it's head down, breathe, grab what I need, breathe, go to till, breathe, get out ASAP. Social distancing and manners are likely to be collateral damage. No eye contact, no faces, breathe. A weeks shop is too long, too much mental processing for my limits without risking overload. I have coped with two medical appointments which were calmer environments and involved sitting or lying still and that was better. (For dietry reasons online shopping is not practical) As someone who still finds glasses annoying after over 20 years, and has always struggled with humid air triggering hyperventilating, this problem is not going awsy with a patronising bit of practice around the house.

So yes it is pretty distopian. Unnatural social controls. Overly clinical, sanitised environments (masks, screens) Fear of castigation for getting it wrong/ non- complience. Fear of the unseen enemy- virus (except I ceased to be significantly concerned about that 3 months ago when community transmission plummeted, and I fear it no more than flu, norovirus, shingles or any other illness)

feelingverylazytoday · 11/08/2020 10:08

@Frenchpastry

Do those of you saying it's not forever really believe it's not going to be forever? I'm genuinely asking because I can't see the way back from this. Covid is going no where and the way the press have terrified so many people; even once there is a suitable vaccine (if ever) I can see so many people will not feel comfortable enough to go back to how it was before so that will increase the pressure on the government to keep certain restrictions and rules like mask wearing in place.
Of course it's not going to be for ever. People will soon stop wearing masks as soon as they stop being mandatory. The one way systems and social distancing might stay in place for a while, but thats not a bad thing.
Runnerduck34 · 11/08/2020 10:10

Yanbu, there is no pleasure in shopping anymore, I am avoiding the shops and buying as much as i can online.
Went to a garden centre at the weekend and even in the outside section there were signs saying masks need to be worn, one way system, 2m markers etc but at their busy outside cafe, obviously, noone was wearing masks and were carrying on as normal, it was really sharp contrast.

BiBabbles · 11/08/2020 10:19

I've been out very rarely since lockdown started, but when I went to town last week, it felt nearly normal even with all the changes - other than the bank. Not dystopian, just 'being in a bank with everyone not behind a screen in masks feels is a bit funny' and they had rearranged quite a bit with most of the queueing now outside and everyone being directed as they came in. I actually felt it made things a bit better, the new system in the bank, even if the masks were a bit awkward at times.

It's also kinda funny as our shopping centre used to have rules that you could be asked to remove most face coverings for security now has big please wear face coverings and you could be asked to leave (though one lady in the bank queue was joking how they say that but no one really cares, while I did notice more security, I don't think they'd really do much unless someone was being an arse about it much like the previous one about not having face coverings).

Sadly, I have noticed an uptick since the start of lockdown of people on the streets, I guess much of the moves to try to end that have ended around here.

Jaxhog · 11/08/2020 10:20

I used to be a fan of disaster movies. Now that we're living in one, it seems very different. We seem to have become a bunch of dissatisfied children, who can't function unless things stay the same! In other words, we always went to the beach/pub/club/shops, so we still expect to go to there for enjoyment. Even if it puts others at risk.

I wonder whether we've become so reliant on external means of enjoyment, we've lost the ability to find the positive within ourselves or to be creative about finding fun, even within some pretty basic restrictions.

feelingverylazytoday · 11/08/2020 10:20

@IceCreamSummer20

I think dystopian is an overreaction. We do seem to get quite excited in the west about having to conform to anything. I think we need to change our mindset to being more community minded, and that is what one way systems, wearing masks etc are - thinking and acting for other people.

Some Asian counties have been more community minded for years. We could learn from that.

I think British people are much more conformist than we like to admit to. We have no problem queuing or standing on one side on escalators on the underground, it's just getting used to new rules. Remember compliance in the first few weeks of lockdown was higher than the behavioural scientists predicted.
SaintWilfred · 11/08/2020 10:28

Anyone else noticing how often someone tells the OP off for using the word dystopian whilst then going on the use turns of phrase that are equally as incorrect, if taken literally?

TwentyViginti · 11/08/2020 10:28

@Flaxmeadow

Have you heard any disembodied PA announcements yet? "Here at £€#$ we want you to shop safely" "Please keep your distance" "Please follow the in store guidance" "Respect other customers"

And so on

Mind you, beats the early days when they also announced strict rationing rules on certain "items" and listed them loudly over the speakers

Yes, it's these announcements that push me over the edge! feels so controlling.
SchrodingersImmigrant · 11/08/2020 10:33

I am watching handmaid's tale and I don't get that comparison👀
Are you enslaved and raped regularly? There is help (unlike in the tale).

YgritteSnow · 11/08/2020 10:33

Doesn't bother me one bit. Everywhere is quieter, less queues etc, less fighting for parking spaces. All seems really efficient to me.

Aridane · 11/08/2020 10:47

The little one had a funny turn in Costa and came over all sick and pale she hasn’t worn a mask for as long before and it was hot.

Toddlers and young children shouldn’t be wearing masks!

Polkasquare · 11/08/2020 10:48

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I am watching handmaid's tale and I don't get that comparison👀 Are you enslaved and raped regularly? There is help (unlike in the tale).
According to Merriam-Webster: *Definition ofdystopian

:of, relating to, or being an imagined world or society in which people lead dehumanized, fearful lives:relating to or characteristic of adystopia*

The Handmaid's Tale is not the only example of dystopian settings.

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