To think DH doesn’t really like me?

[Brownthomas13]

I’ve been married for 4 years, together 7 with 2 DC. Our first few years were very hectic. DH had 3 years of custody court with his ex which put so much stress & financial strain on us. DS who is 5 was born very sick. We’re at a great point with his health now but he has severe physical and intellectual disability & needs 24 hour care.

Basically our lives have been intense. But I feel like these issues may have brought us closer but have also been a distraction for our relationship faults.

DH has been off of work since March due to Covid. Spending so much time together I’m thinking that we’re not a great match. We have similar sense of humour & family values but nothing else.

I think I irritate him.
If I talk to him he tends to just walk off mid conversation. If I tell him something he forgets it straight away like he’s not listening. He seems content in our life and I am too but maybe we’re both settling?

If we didn’t have kids we would 100% not be together.

I honestly would not start again with another man. DS needs too much of me that only a parent could understand.

AIBU to stay in a marriage with someone who might just tolerate me

Ask him why he walks away. A lot of men do it and I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t love you or whatever you are reading into it. The only way he’ll change is if you tell him though.

I think you might be ok for settling but it will only last so long before you actually realise being alone is better than that. Would you consider counselling? It seems like you had a very intense first few years which never gave you the time to get to know each other well without the additional stress.

I wouldn't make any decisions right now. Lockdown has been really tough on relationships. Give it more time. I would talk to him though.

I think everyone irritates each other in lockdown, it’s a pressure-cooker. DP and I keep saying we want to run away – solo. Everyone needs a bit of time apart and a break, and can’t have it, and you’ve got a child with additional needs on top of that, as well as your DH having the security of work being removed.

I zone out when DP's talking sometimes - particularly when we'd been together during lockdown for so long, there was literally nothing either of us could say that the other didn't know or had heard 10 times already.

As soon as he went back to work, we talked for ages.

Yes I noticed this about a year before ex and I split.

We went out for a meal and had nothing to talk about. He just sat their and munched through his entire meal with out trying to start conversation.

What do you talk about? If you went out on a ‘date’ what would you talk about?

I think there are very few couples could spend 24/7 together and not be irritated by each other. Even more emphasised when you have a disabled child to care for

It would be a shame if you were both settling, it’s a waste of life if you can be happier apart.
Could you cope financially etc on your own ?
Do you do anything together without the kids ? Are you still intimate ?
Sounds like you need a heart to heart.

That's just bloody rude!
If anyone else walked away from you whilst you were talking, would you let them get away with it? Or call them out on it?
Life is too short to spend it on people who don't appreciate you or spend time with you.

@SteelyPanther let me answer your questions;
I could survive financially on my own. But couldn’t survive realistically- I’d need help with DS.
We don’t do much together due to lockdown yet spend ALL of our time together. I wish he was working so I could miss him. We have lovely family time together.

We are intimate. I fancy him & he fancies me. He would like more sex of course, but 3 times a week is average. He’s quiet needy sometimes

[quote Brownthomas13]@SteelyPanther let me answer your questions;
I could survive financially on my own. But couldn’t survive realistically- I’d need help with DS.
We don’t do much together due to lockdown yet spend ALL of our time together. I wish he was working so I could miss him. We have lovely family time together.

We are intimate. I fancy him & he fancies me. He would like more sex of course, but 3 times a week is average. He’s quiet needy sometimes[/quote]
So, you share a sense of humour.

You have lovely family time together.

You fancy one another so much that you have sex every other day despite the demands of caring for your child together.

That really doesn't sound as though he's barely tolerating you.

So, you have:
Similar sense of humour.
Similar family values.
Both of you are content.
You still fancy each other and have regular sex.
You have lovely family time together.

The only problem seems to be him walking away when you are talking an his forgetfulness. For goodness sake, sit down and have a chat about how you are feeling. It sounds like you have a very good marriage.