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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask if boys are easier to raise than girls?

75 replies

grapeswithseeds · 10/08/2020 19:32

I feel this is a stereotype but is it the case in practice? Or was it no difference?

YABU- No boys are not easier to raise than girls
YANBU-Yes boys are easier to raise than girls

OP posts:

userabcname · 10/08/2020 19:54

Depends on your children! My mum would say girls are easier because I was a very quiet, well-behaved child whereas my brother is much stroppier and louder. My MIL says boys are easier because DH and BIL are much quieter and were easier to control than SIL apparently. I have 2 boys and they are only small but I don't see how anything would be different if they were girls so far. I also disagree that little boys are like puppies - my 3yo is happy to go for walks and to the park but he would hate being marched around all day everyday. He equally enjoys looking at his books, playing his own little games with his toys, pottering around the garden and generally chilling out at home.

Kungfupanda67 · 10/08/2020 19:58

I have a daughter after 2 boys and she has so far been much much easier than the boys, she’s laid back, sleeps well, is happy most of the time, just a really content child - however I have put this down to her being a third child so having to fit in, I’m more confident in parenting now, she was carried in a baby carrier and breastfed until a year, which I didn’t do with the boys, which may have had an influence. Basically she’s much easier but there are sooo many factors which I think may have made her easier - it’s not because she’s a girl 🤷‍♀️

WeepinWailinGnashinOfTeeth · 10/08/2020 19:58

And I voted YABU because I think this sort of mindset is what's affecting most people who can't be themselves.

Boys are individuals.
Girls are individuals.
Social expectation and conditioning is then involved from the start for some.

MissDollyMix · 10/08/2020 20:00

No idea. I have primary school age DS and DD. They are their own unique, quirky individuals who each present their own challenges which have nothing to do with outdated gender stereotypes. At times they both make me want tear my hair out! I do agree with a PP though that the only thing harder about my daughter is that I have to spend precious time doing her long hair (her choice!) every morning. I feel envious that mothers of boys can just skip out of the house without having to go through all that rigmarole... (but that’s if the boys have stereotypically short hair cuts, I guess not all do)

tempnamechange98765 · 10/08/2020 20:00

I have two DS, both are small, but I can't believe anyone thinks it's down to anything other than personality?

DS1 was a dream baby, calm, content, great sleeper. Never tantrummed until he was well over 2 and a half. Was a horrible three year old, and now at 4 he's very lovely, loving and hilarious as well as sensitive, cries at everything (this drives me nuts) and everything is a drama. Doesn't like any sort of ball game or sport.

DS2 is so little, not quite 18 months. He's been hard work since birth but insanely cute and cheeky, so much personality. More than DS1. He's also very loving, but he loses his temper at everything and has several tantrums every single day. He loves balls already and can actually dribble a ball so I think he'll grow up liking football. Never cried when he hurts himself.

corythatwas · 10/08/2020 20:04

People are individuals.

My elder brother as a teen was very emotional, drama-prone, door-slamming, worried about what people thought about him and always very afraid of hurting himself.

My younger brother shut himself in his room and couldn't give a shit about all the drama.

Youngest brother alternated between cheerful compliance and violent meltdowns.

I acted as a family peace-maker, but mainly, I am afraid, because I wanted peace and quiet to be able to concentrate on my books- have been very focused on one particular field since I can remember.

We were all encouraged to spend a lot of time outdoors.

ruabon · 10/08/2020 20:07

Boys cannot get pregnant.

Seracursoren · 10/08/2020 20:08

@Goodoldfashionedploverboy

People are individuals.

Children are people.

HTH.

^ This.

I have two sons, they are like chalk and cheese. So different you would not believe they are brothers, they don't look alike either.

And yet they are best friends.

This is also to do with who is raising them, children can be difficult because a parent may not know the best way to deal with that behaviour.

This has nothing to do with what is in their pants.

Gubbeen · 10/08/2020 20:12

Boys cannot get pregnant.

Sure, but boys are overrepresented as both victims and perpetrators of violence.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 10/08/2020 20:13

I only have boys but based on the simple fact it's easier to pee in a bush whilst avoiding wetting your shoes and being discreet I'm going with yes - easier to raise. But I'd imagine that stops being an advantage beyond toddler years....

Huhokthen · 10/08/2020 20:13

@ruabon

Boys cannot get pregnant.

Not sure this makes much of a difference to how you raise them. All genders can get STDs so you always teach safe sex.

TBH if you're only teaching your daughters about contraception, you're a pretty poor parent.

Chocolateandamaretto · 10/08/2020 20:16

My son is easier but I suspect that has more to do with the fact that I’m a third time parent and was more relaxed with him than with his sex!

Sailingblue · 10/08/2020 20:18

I think there can be differences whether through nature or nurture. However, those stereotypes can be a bit lazy and it’s easy for find kids that fit the mould. Eg by and large of my daughter’s pre-school the girls are quite socially confident and some of the summer born boys much harder work. It would be easy to make an assumption about girls and boys based on that. However, that misses the fact there are two lovely boys who are writing nicely, are very sociable and verbal, very popular. The two children that need to be ‘exercised’ are girls including my own.

Rudolphian · 10/08/2020 20:23

Ive got two girls.
All I know is they are both hard work.

Idontbelieveit12 · 10/08/2020 20:26

Totally different. I had a girl first, then a boy. I found my son more difficult as a toddler as he was into everything and wouldn’t sit still, but then my daughter was harder as she got older with attitude. I thought it was a boy/girl thing. But then had another boy after a 9 year gap, he is 3 and is into everything and has his sisters attitude

MojoJojo71 · 10/08/2020 20:28

My DS is 23 and his sister is only 7 but so far it’s been like raising the same child all over again. I’ve never treated her any differently and they have very similar personalities.

MumsyMumIAmNot · 10/08/2020 20:30

My SEN son is a breeze compared to my friends daughters.

sugarbum · 10/08/2020 20:46

My boys are like chalk and cheese. One of them is extremely hard work and has been since day 1. The other is easy, although having some blips now puberty has hit. They showed us who they are right from the start though, which is very much individuals with completely different personalities. I can't see how that would be any different with girls.

MimsyBorogroves · 10/08/2020 20:49

Two boys.

Eldest was on the go a lot - not really into physical play etc but required a lot of stimulation. Happy inside the house but definitely needed entertaining. He was at his best at nursery as he was highly gregarious and loved the constant "on the go" environment. Now very sensitive 12 year old, enjoys reading, films, gaming, drawing, manga.

Youngest required very little input as a toddler. Always doing jigsaws or imaginative play, loved colouring in, "reading" and being taught how to do things. Read at 3, was writing by 4. Could do a 30 piece jigsaw alone at 18 months. Now 8. Loves gaming, YouTube and Lego. Difficult to get him motivated to do much else.

AdoptedBumpkin · 10/08/2020 20:52

Surely it depends on the children. A quiet girl will be easier than boisterous boy(s).

BiBabbles · 10/08/2020 21:10

I've had the most issues with my oldest, male, but I think that's mostly to do with him being the oldest, a continuous learning curve. I have two of each sex, and I find they each have their unique difficulties even as teens.

Thefab3 · 10/08/2020 21:26

I have 3 boys , all different temperaments and interests. I’m massively into art and one of my sons loves making jewelry and painting with me. I have never succumbed to a stereotypical way of rearing them etc...
BUT, they all have huge amounts of energy, if we don’t do hours of physical activity a day, they often physically fight and wrestle , I’m run absolutely ragged , my friend with three sons is also run ragged. And no, they have never hit another child in their lives and get on extremely well in school and playschool. We don’t let them get away with bad behavior or put it down to being boys.
I can’t make them be calm, we can’t have at home days of chilling all day and yes I have tried...
I don’t see this as much with my friends with girls . Almost everyone I know with a boy and girl says the girls are way easier. I also see it on here and in RL that the boy babies are more likely to wake more frequently. My three sons took well over a year to sleep properly ( a lot longer for two), my sister had three girls and all were great sleepers .
However my kids are all still pretty young so I don’t know. I definitely think there is a difference with physicality and how much exercise they need or want. Despite all my kids having very different characters, this is definitely a common theme. I was rewatching desperate housewives and though so much of it is exaggerated, lenette’s situation was pretty realistic with three boys, in my experience. I adore my dcs and wouldn’t wish them any different but I’m absolutely shattered tbh. I really hope it gets easier ..

DefConOne · 10/08/2020 21:27

My DD1 was a total non stop whirlwind who ran around all day and got up to all sorts. Now she is a hormonal, moody 12 year old questioning everything and getting make up and bits of hair wig on the floor. I feel like I got the hardest deal all round 🤣.

BackforGood · 10/08/2020 21:33

YABU
Ridiculous generalisation.
As so many other posters have said, children are individuals.

I'd say there is even some variety in the way their parents respond to them and offer them opportunities, or limit them.

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 10/08/2020 21:37

I know it’s only my experience but I have found both my boys to be so much easier than my girl.
It may be that it’s because she’s the youngest or that she’s just a stroppy moody child. Who knows. All I can say is that in my experience 2 out of 3 have been easy and 1 has been much harder. 2 easy are boys and 1 harder is a girl.

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