To ask advice from sporty people/parents of sporty kids

[theduchessstill]

So I'm watching ds play a sport he loves and trains hard for. He's made a silly mistake and also got very unlucky last time he played. I know he's gutted and I obviously can't do anything at the moment but it's heartbreaking watching him and knowing how he's feeling.

I don't know - what do I say when it's over? I've never played sport and ex has most i involvement with ds's sport so I kind of feel inadequate. Coaches give ds excellent feedback but he tends to be pretty inconsistent with actual matches and gets so disappointed in himself.

Wish I could get up and give him a hug! Any advice?

no direct advice, just some things I read on how partners of mad sports people feel & cope. There's most of a whole chapter in one of the Ned Boulting books about how the wife of Mark Cavendish manages (MC is quite obsessive). Which is basically to let them feel disappointed and take a cue from them, ask what support you can give and accept that you can't fix it for them, too.

I think it's quite individual for the kid, there's no absolute one answer, there's quite a few books on it, e.g.
www.amazon.co.uk/Sport-Psychology-Youth-Coaches-Developing/dp/1442217154?tag=mumsnetforu03-21
and even proper clinical support e.g.
www.childrenswellnesscentre.co.uk/sport-psychology/

but it's not "simply saying", it's okay and giving them a hug, they need to be in the right place to get the feedback they need - maybe it's specific advice on how to do something better (likely from a coach not a parent!), maybe it's a hug, maybe it's a just an ear listening to their disappointment as they process it as lljkk said.

It possibly also matters what you say before the events and in practice too, as it's all part of their own processing.

You may also have a tension that what you feel they need in the short term, is not the same as what they want if they truly do want to be an elite athlete, it can be a very harsh world at every level.