Guilt over son not seeing grandmother

[spiritedawai]

When my son was 3 months old, I left his dad due to physical and emotional abuse. I moved 200 miles away to be with my family. It was the best decision and I don't regret it one bit.

DCs grandmother on his father's side has been nothing but supportive and kind. She condemns her son's behaviour and does not contact him anymore as she's so ashamed of the severe abuse he put me and my son through. He was also abusive towards her, and him abusing me too was the straw that broke the camels back for her.

She often messages me asking how we are and has mentioned a couple of times that she's envious of my parents getting to have the close relationship with their grandson that she always envisioned.

I find this incredibly guilt inducing, and desperately want to go and visit her, but she lives a few doors down to my ex, who I have a restraining order against. He still lives in our old house and it's far too traumatic for me to go and visit right now.

She can't come here as she doesn't drive and isn't in fantastic health, it would be far too draining for her. I can't see any way for us to meet regularly at the moment.

I'm scared to ever send my son there in the future in case he comes in to contact with his violent dad.

Is there anything I can do in this situation bar video calls to strengthen the long distance relationship between my son and his grandma?

I'm not a grandparent, and don't know how it feels to be one, but I do know that this is hurting her a lot and she loves my DS dearly.

Would there be a nearby town, village, attraction (or equivalent) that she could get to easily on public transport or you could drive her to that would remove the risk of coming across your ex- and reduce unpleasant thoughts about your old house. It might be easier for your DC if there were some distractions as well and they had a picnic?

Hope it goes well and good luck.

@Zilla1

Would there be a nearby town, village, attraction (or equivalent) that she could get to easily on public transport or you could drive her to that would remove the risk of coming across your ex- and reduce unpleasant thoughts about your old house. It might be easier for your DC if there were some distractions as well and they had a picnic?

Hope it goes well and good luck.

I am so, so skint and couldn't afford a hotel. It's about a 4/5 hour drive as have to make regular stops with a toddler and don't know how I could work it

Sorry for making the assumption, OP. If you can't afford to make the journey and she physically can't then could you possibly post some crafts made by your DC, videos of any school events when they happen like nativities, first cycle ride, first steps and an offer to visit when funds allow.

You could invite her to write out her family tree, send some family stories, send copies of any old family photographs and a recording of her reading a children's story so your DC won't be reliant on their father for any family information on his side later on.

Good luck.

A bump, OP, to try and engage wiser minds than mine. Hope things work out.