Not to take her?

[hunnplx]

DD birthday is in a few weeks, we arranged a very small family party with grandparents but DH's DF said he isn't coming to the party and is not coming to see DD for her birthday! Fair enough sick of trying with them tbh so what ever...

But AIBU not to take her down to collect her presents from them? AIBU to expect them to at least make the effort to drop them of at the door?

DH needs to pick something up the day before so he can pick up the presents but she won't be going with him...

Yes, just get DH to pick up the presents as suggested. No big deal really is there?

Does your DD want to see them?
Are they worried about Covid or just generally being difficult?

In theory you can’t have a small party for grandparents indoors - you’re not meant to mix more than two households. Assuming 2 sets of grandparents that’s 3 households.

Are they sticking to the rules or is there a massive backstory?

Depends on why he won’t come. If it’s CV19 related, I’d help out. If not, I’d stick to my plans and they can see her another day that suits you all.

As above, why doesn't he want to come?

Has he actually said he won’t be dropping the present off? Maybe you’re assuming he won’t be, but he may drop present off before then. Depends on his reason for not coming to the party as to whether I would be annoyed, but I think it would be petty if your DH is going there anyway, for him to not then bring the present back.

Can’t your dh just take her another day?

I don’t think there is anything wrong with not wanting to go to a party at the moment. It should be up to each individual what they feel comfortable doing with regard to going to other people’s houses.

@PotteringAlong

In theory you can’t have a small party for grandparents indoors - you’re not meant to mix more than two households. Assuming 2 sets of grandparents that’s 3 households.

Are they sticking to the rules or is there a massive backstory?

You could do this from early July in Scotland.

FelicityPike, that was the advice for the general public. Then it got more individual for those 50+. It still isn't advised to have different sets of GPs and lots wider family mixing. We are getting lots of local spikes.

OP, I don't think now is a time to put your foot down over someone not wanting to mix.

Why isn't he coming? Why can't dh take dd when he is going anyway?

Seems like grandad would like to see granchild just doesnt want to come to party. Could be because he doesn't like traveling/socialising. But if he has bought gift and wpuld like to see her then I would facilitate that unless there is some back story where he has shown he doesn't care.

Why won’t he come, how far is the journey, how old is your Dd? Has he asked you to take her to collect presents?

Why isn't he coming? Is it because of other commitments, covid shielding meaning they don't want to mix multiple households at the party or because they cant be arsed? Whether or not you're BU depends on the reasoning.

If your DH is going to their house anyway, why cant he take DD and let her get her presents herself? If they arent coming to the party and they dont bring the presents then the person who loses out is your DD. If your DH collects them then she will still get her presents at least but then why wouldnt you let her go with him to collect them?

Sorry everyone its been a long day!!

@PotteringAlong I care for my mum so that household is in our "bubble"

He is using the excuse of Covid and the fact that I have to see my mum. But we can easily stay 2M apart and ask DD to stay away from him if he is SO worried ( we only go to the food shop and my mums who doesn't go out) we have offered for him to come separately to everyone else.

The reality is we have not invited MIL after a falling out 2 years ago, currently on texting terms but DH does not want her in our life past that and DD says Hi to her if she face times FIL and MIL is there, because even though they are not together he is constantly running round for her! And for some reasons puts her before his children and grandchildren / he cba with her sh*t if he comes round without her 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Sally872 DH is picking something up for DD's birthday so she cant go with him or she will see it x

So, your DH’s parents are still married. You’ve invited his dad but not his mum and you’re surprised he’s said no?

Sounds like MIL is the issue I would try not to punish FIL if it is MIL you have cut contact with. It would be difficult to go leaving her behind then have to deal with the fall out.

Unless MIL will be there and upset dd in anyway.

@Sally872 @PotteringAlong I said they are NOT together, they do not live together either divorced for many years! Do not understand their relationship... maybe he feels guilt for the past so runs round after her 🤷🏻‍♀️

But MIL always causes problems! When she is around FIL is hard work. She went to stay with family and only recently came back after almost 2 years, not 1 disagreement with FIL the whole time she was gone! Such a shame for DC!

Covid may not be an excuse it is hard for a lot of people to socialise he may genuinely feel uncomfortable. Or just not be a sociable person. I think dh should take dd another time so grandad can wish her happy birthday and give her a gift when mil is not there.