To be so worried when little one is sleeping? Or is this a bit of a problem?

[AmItheonlyonewingingit]

My daughter will be 2 early next month. She was a long awaited baby after many losses.

When she was born, and a small infant, I worried about SIDS and always checked her when sleeping, I think in the early days this just felt like normal new baby worries. All the other first time mum stuff sort of settled as time went on, but I am still worrying all the time about her dying in her sleep.

What I mean is, that whenever she's sleeping, naps but more so with bedtime. I worry that she won't be alive when I go to wake her. It's not a conscious thought as I put her down, more one that creeps into my head and then if I wake before her (usually the case) my first thought is, is she alive? I will listen to the monitor for breathing or rolling over and if I haven't heard anything to reassure me, I go and check. I wake everyday with a sense of fear.

She's always fine, she's a brilliant sleeper, sleeps for up to 12hrs a night, but the worry over her dying in her sleep has never gone away and it crosses my mind and worries me at least every morning. Is this normal??

Do I need to speak to someone about it? My husband says it never crosses his mind, he knows she's peaceful and cosy and enjoys her sleep and because he knows we put her to bed safely, there's no need to worry. I know he's right, but it's still in my head.

Any advice?

Night time is my biggest anxiety. She's no longer in a cot but toddler bed. I'm not anxious so much about her breathing but that she will get past her baby gate. That she will falls down the stairs or choke on something out of her room. I check, reche k and recheck her baby gate and her window. My mil would love to have her overnight but although lovely is a bit dippy, has no baby gate and no interest in getting one. I honestly thought this anxiousness during the night was me being over the top, this thread is very reassuring.

I constantly worry about this. Especially when he is too quiet. It's awful

I still check on DDs (6 and 8) before bed.

The current heatwave makes me even more anxious as their bedrooms are very hot at night.

I think the same. My big one is four now and its lessened a bit but I felt a sort of anxiousness everytime I wrnt to wake her up until she was about 3.

I know this might be feeding the fear and maybe at 2 she is too old but (as mentioned upthread) we had a monitor which had a breathing pad. We used it until at least that age although we turned it off when the cot sides came off as I didn’t want to freak either child out if they got out of bed and the alarm went off (it would do this as breathing would no longer be detected) and I didn’t want them lying there frightened to get out of bed. Anyway...

The pad goes under the mattress and is extremely sensitive and if the child stops breathing the entire house will hear it.

You also have a little pendulum thing on the parent monitor and you can see the breathing.

We used ours all the time and it was incredibly reassuring especially during daytime naps and when they’d moved into their own rooms at 6 months. And they absolutely do work. The number of times I picked DS up for a feed in the night, for got to switch it off first and just as I’d sit in the chair it would go mental as no breathing had been detected for 20 seconds.... talk about wake you up!

Ours was an angelcare one but there are others.

There is a mat called ‘nanny’ that you can buy two sensor mats for an older child. You put them together.

I had a child die in his sleep so understandably have this anxiety, I check on my other child a lot during the night and am going to have some CBT to help manage this. It is incredibly, incredibly rare to lose an older child in this way. A breathing monitor could help you manage this anxiety though.

I get a cold fear every morning that she's dead and until I've seen her breathe

My first baby passed away 2 hours after he was born and I have had several miscarriages. I wake up with that cold fear every morning. It was even worse when they were babies, I'd wake up in a panic each morning.

What really helped me was a baby sleeping monitor. I still woke up scared every day but it did help me a bit

I had PND after 1st and didn't realise,

My children are 3 and 5 now and I can't go to sleep unless I check that their still alive, if I tell myself I don't need to check then all I worry about is them lying there dead so I have to check on them then

It was a lot worse when they were babies but I think the fear still stays with you, once you've had a loss the fear is always there i think

Definitely get a sleeping monitor so you can relax a tiny bit

I still check on my 14 and 12 year old when I wake up but I'm worse with my 2 month old. Not so much with naps but when he finally falls asleep I'm checking all the time. Same first thing in the morning. Wake up and put my hand on his chest just to make sure. Once I know he's fine I then worry about my older two and go and check on them.
I think it's because we are so aware of SIDS now but saying that I know my mum used to check on the 4 of us even when we were in our 20s.

Not the same but I do the exact same thing with the dog, sometimes wake him up early to check, I used to do it with my younger siblings and I was only about 10

Same here. I check Dd (3.5) once or twice before I go to bed, and if I wake up before her I always have to get up and make sure she’s ok.

I had awful PND that centred around SIDS, which was treated with fluoxetine, but I don’t think that worry ever leaves. All part of being a parent I think.

Frustratingly, we did actually buy a tommee tippee monitor that came with a breathing mat, but we used a next to me crib and it wasn't suitable (due to the base being soft) and she slept in that till she was 11mths, and when she moved to her cot, my husband was adamant we didn't need it as he'd read the tommee tippee one can often give false alarms which he feels would make me worse.

I'd forgotten but we do still have it so I might try setting that up and seeing if it settles me a bit. Also going to look into a video monitor as we just have an audio one at the minute.

Thanks for all the replies, again very reassuring and some great helpful suggestions. Thank you

My little one is 15 months and I do this too, that feeling of dread if I wake up before him! I think it must be mostly normal, especially if you are anxious in general, my dh doesn't worry about it unless I put the thought into his head so I try to keep it to myself.

I do the same but I don't think it's healthy. The fear is so real. Mine are 2 and 9 and I check them both and have a video monitor for my 2 year old.