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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Young children playing out late - no parental input

63 replies

MrsPeony · 09/08/2020 22:01

Hi,

I am looking for some advice please.

I am worried about two young children (4 & 8) who live in our village. They are out from the morning until around 9.30/10pm every day, speaking to anyone who walks by and showing no signs of road awareness (frequently stopping in front of cars etc). It’s a small picturesque place where many people come to visit the pub/go for walks. Their parents are not with them and they appear to be just left to it. They are overly charming/ keen to impress but easily distracted and will shoot off when they see another person to talk to.

I can’t help but feel unnerved but also very conscious that I’m overreacting. Any advice would be great.

Thank you

OP posts:
Brieminewine · 10/08/2020 16:07

I think this needs reporting, the fact they are out unaccompanied all day and seeking out adult interactions worries me they are being neglected at home.

Nc09876 · 10/08/2020 18:15

Absolute neglect, they are far too young to be out alone, anything could happen to them and you couldn’t live with it knowing

Twooty · 10/08/2020 19:47

Probably just trying to enjoy what’s left of their summer? Keep your nose out. 8 is big enough to keep an eye on a little one.

Dennysheart · 10/08/2020 19:52

8 for me is too young to be responsible for a 4 year old and out all day seems highly irresponsible. We visit my parents a lot who live in a tiny, nice village that has one main road through it that gets very busy. No way would I allow them out on their own all day long. My dh reminds me when our 11 year old is out at the park for a few hours that him and his mates used to wander all over the place but there weren’t as many cars on the roads.

If this is constantly reoccurring thing, I’d speak to social services.

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 10/08/2020 20:01

@Twooty

Probably just trying to enjoy what’s left of their summer? Keep your nose out. 8 is big enough to keep an eye on a little one.
No it isn't.
Goongoon · 10/08/2020 20:03

I felt sick reading this. I’d be ringing police and social services.

LovingLola · 10/08/2020 20:04

Call the police.

MellowBird85 · 10/08/2020 20:06

@Twooty

Probably just trying to enjoy what’s left of their summer? Keep your nose out. 8 is big enough to keep an eye on a little one.
Ah yes, wouldn’t it be excellent if everyone just kept their noses out. Then people could crack on with neglecting their children in peace goddammit!
Twooty · 10/08/2020 21:38

Not sure how it’s neglect if the children are happy and confident in the place they live!!?

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 10/08/2020 21:49

@Twooty

Not sure how it’s neglect if the children are happy and confident in the place they live!!?
Are you serious? You don't think it's neglect to leave a preschooler wandering the streets unsupervised (no, an 8yo wandering with them does not equal supervision).

It's neglect. They aren't properly supervised. They aren't safe. They aren't being cared for.

If all of this is happening, it's possible that the situation at home is even worse. If a parent is happy to let a small child out all day like this, they may well be neglectful in other ways. They might not be getting enough food, or proper care at home.

OP - have you called the police yet? Neglect is a form of abuse.

dayswithaY · 10/08/2020 21:57

Sounds like me and my friends in the 1970s but - all our Mums were usually standing at their kitchen sinks looking out, everyone knew who we were, our names, where we lived etc plus it was totally normal to see kids out playing in the street. Now it's not, and with good reason, times have changed.

If people were more "nosey" they would have noticed James Bulger was being taken away by two boys, they would have noticed Ian Huntley persuading two girls to go to his home and many other tragic outcomes. This would worry me too.

Thisischaos · 10/08/2020 21:58

How is the 8yo adequately supervising the 4yo if they are actively approaching strangers and wandering in and out of traffic? Contact the NSPCC or police etc and ask for advice.

JustAddCoffee91 · 10/08/2020 22:02

Omg this is just awful!
No way would my kids be out all day until stupid o clock!
Are they going back home for food like breakfast, dinner/tea?
They should not be running about in roads and talking to strangers... sends shivers down my spine even thinking of the worst case scenario

Moonflower12 · 10/08/2020 22:10

PPs say 'Oh this was what we did in the 60s/70s/80s. Those were the decades with the highest number of child murders etc.

Please call. You don't have to decide if it's neglect - SS or the police will make that call but they can't unless they're aware.

ParcelFarce · 10/08/2020 22:18

Ignore the bonkers comments calling you nosy, OP! These kids are clearly being neglected, benignly or otherwise. Report this to the police and let them take it from there. If we all turned a blind eye for fear of being “nosy”, many more children would be harmed. Takes a village, as they say.

IrenetheQuaint · 10/08/2020 22:23

I had a free range 80s village childhood and this would have been seen as neglect by most people even then.

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 10/08/2020 22:31

@IrenetheQuaint

I had a free range 80s village childhood and this would have been seen as neglect by most people even then.
Exactly.

When I was in primary I remember that we found a young child walking alone when we were on a dog walk, think he was 5 or 6. Would have been in late 80s.
He walked home with us, my parents called the police, and he stayed with us for a little while until the police and his parents came.

I don't know where this 'mind you own business' attitude comes from, but it's idiotic. Everybody has a duty of care.

I can't imagine witnessing a preschool-aged child unsupervised like this and not immediately doing something about it

HettyPain · 10/08/2020 22:33

You're rightly concerned OP. Everyone has different views on what's acceptable but an 8 year old supervising a 4 year old is not ok. Left out all day to their own devices is even worse. I'd call the police or social services. I hope you do and they take you seriously.

Atla · 10/08/2020 22:44

I live in a quietish place and have an 8yo and a 4yo (and a 7yo for full disclosure). There is NO WAY the older two could be trusted to supervise the 4yo for an extended period of time. They are kids, they get distracted & do their own thing.
Playing out for an hour or so is one thing I suppose (I personally don't allow it without supervision) but all day? Talking to strangers and wandering in front of traffic? Its just so dangerous.
I would be worried about what is going on for those kids at home if they genuinely aren't being watched by anyone and I would want to report it just so they are on someone's radar.

OP do you know who they are? Name/ address, school they attend etc? I'm sure local authority would have a way you can report concerns about a child?

BogRollBOGOF · 10/08/2020 23:04

The police are appropriate if the children are in imminent danger. NSPCC/ social services for general concern.

In some communities, 8yos may play out locally for limited periods and with light supervision, but it's not widespread anymore. 4 yo far too young, and the 8yo too young to supervise.
I have a 7 and 9 yo and a green that is just within sight from a specific point of my house. If my 9 yo had a localised core of friends to play with and a group of parents being accessible for light supervision for them, I'd probably be OK with that. But not for him to be the oldest child and no one looking out for him, and not responsible for a significantly younger child.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/08/2020 23:10

9/10pm is too late for these kids to be out on their own on a regular basis.

It's 10 to 10 now and it's dark FGS. They are little kids.

This isn't about them being "happy and confident" it's about them being alone for most of the time with no sign of an adult.

8 might be old enough to mind a 4 year old for an hour in the garden but not out of the home by the road all day. It is too much responsibility. These are very young children.

Ignore @Twooty . We all need to poke our noses in if there is any doubt.

Cherrybakewellll · 10/08/2020 23:30

Please report to the police. This is insane.

Original poster
MrsPeony · 11/08/2020 11:24

Thanks all for the responses. What do you think would happen if I made contact with professionals?

OP posts:
Goongoon · 11/08/2020 11:27

@MrsPeony

Thanks all for the responses. What do you think would happen if I made contact with professionals?
@MrsPeony they would judge whether the children are at risk or not, and take steps to protect them if necessary. Please don’t avoid reporting because you’re scared of ‘the system’. You’re worried that these children mig be neglected. You have a responsibility to ask professionals to judge whether they are or not.
SandieCheeks · 11/08/2020 11:33

Was the 4 year old out alone before 8am?

You can call your local MASH (google the number or find it on your council website) and just ask for advice - would they be concerned etc, what would they advise you do.
If the social worker says it wouldn't be something they're interested in then no harm done.