Ex changing contact times

[afternoonnapping]

I have posted this elsewhere but thought it might be better asked here!

I have a DS with my ex DH. We have had the same drop off times for the last 6 years. This works well and fits around my work (lots of meetings rather than shift patterns) and also fits around my other DS' sports team fixtures (not my ex's child). Our DS also knows what time he is coming and going to his Dad's.

Things are currently not good with my ex (I have had to block him). Amongst other things, he is now demanding that the drop off times are changed to a time that is completely unsuitable for me (right in the middle of my work day or when other DS is playing a match).

I have said I can not accommodate this change and explained why and I have been told tough, he will be bringing him back when he says. When asked why he wants this new time his answer was 'things change'.

DS is 7. There is not a court order in place. What would you do?

My ex dictates when he has DS, I don't have any say in the matter. He has now decided that out of every 7 days he wants DS for 3 of those whether I like it or not. Apparently it's 'a man's world' so he will get what he wants in regards to DS.

He is blocked but does manage to get messages through other ways. I had to block him as it was endless amounts of rubbish he was sending.

I have managed to shield DS from all of this, although he did come back from his Dad's the other day and said 'Mummy, Daddy talks about you all the time' which I'm not happy about.

He has him on contact days and brings him back 2 days later than agreed so I have no choice, doesn't contribute towards school uniform, come to any hospital appointments, he threatens to report me to social services, yet I am the one emotionally abusing our child

You need a court Approved agreement. When cooperation is happening, you can deviate and be flexible as desired, but it gives you a default for when things are adversarial.

In the meantime, I would give him a few options of times that do work for you. Let him pick from those times. You can therefore show the court you are being reasonable by being willing to change the time, but still keep it constrained for times you can actually manage.

Can you get someone else to wait in the house for your son?

After your last post, Court. It’s the only option. Might respect you a bit more too. (Wouldn’t hold my breat though...)

I agree court is the only option. I'm having to go to court with my STBX after he demanded $1800/month in spousal support. He claims I'm being unreasonable. 🙄🤔

What's a sports fixture?

@steff13 My other DS plays for a sports team so when I say fixture I'm talking about a match

@slipperywhensparticus Unfortunately I don't have any to stay in the house and wait for my son.

@Purpleartichoke I have suggested another time which could potentially work (it doesn't actually work for me but I was trying to be reasonable) and he said no, it has to be the time he says.

The thing it it doesn't have to be as he dictates. Mans world bollocks. He can only use that as long as you allow him to get away with it. You have at least an equal say in these arrangements, and I say at least as you are the default parent. Take some control of your own life. Court is the only answer. But keep all the notes of times, texts, records of what your son says on his return everything. You do not have to live like this. You separated from him, he has no control anymore - unless you give it to him!

‘That doesn’t work for me, see you in court’.
If he continues to insist on new time, just say he can’t have DS that day.
Good luck

From what is described, it seems something that needs to be agreed/settled in court. Very bad he seems to be taking out his anger or hatred of you by his arrangements/time with his child.

My ex played silly buggers for years. I even once left a family member's birthday lunch (vair posh) in tears as he threatened to abandon our kids in our usual meeting place if I wasn't there at his stipulated, changed with 2 hours notice, meeting time.

Taking his sorry ass to court was incredibly empowering. It laid out how things were meant to be, the requirement for some flexibility on both sides, but mutually agreed, and even how far in advance any change was to be requested, and if it couldn't be accommodated by the other parent, then it was the requestees responsibility to arrange childcare etc.

Empowerment is key here op. Take the control back. Court for this sort of thing is very straightforward and incredibly low-key, no massive court room/legal folk etc. You can represent yourself to save money on a solicitor, it really is that straightforward, especially if you have text/email evidence of the 6 year status quo and now him playing silly buggers with no apparent reason.

If you have got any of the 'it's a man's world' etc in writing, either text of email, make sure you save them as it is evidence that this is about control rather than being reasonable.

The only way 'it's a man's world' with regards children's living arrangements is that they are the ones most commonly able to walk away. Other that that, the person that has done the most childcare and admin involved with children (from dentist and health appointments to schools and children's birthday parties) is in the strongest position, which in this case is you. Also being reasonable and prepared to discuss changes also counts in your favour. So I really wouldn't worry about him getting it all his way at all.

@IAintentDead I do have the 'man's world hahaha' email saved. It's reassuring that he won't necessarily get all his own way when I'm the one who does homework, medical apps, school apps, buys everything he needs, organises his birthday parties etc.

@Muppetry76 Did you represent yourself? What kind of evidence did you need?