Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

4 year old and consequences of his actions (so frustrated!)

9 replies

Probablygreen · 08/08/2020 22:27

Is it normal for a 4 and a half year old to be completely oblivious to the consequences of his actions?
I have tried to google this and all I seem to be able to find are tips on how to deal with defiance or how to deal with a child that doesn’t listen.
DS is a very placid and compliant child, in that if he is told to do or not do something in the moment, he will/won’t do it (ie. does exactly what he’s told). Hes not defiant and he does listen, in the moment. He’s kind, loving and sooooo helpful, but I’m finding him massively frustrating at the moment because he just does not seem to understand the natural consequences of his own actions. Examples of this are things like; he will break a toy, either just by playing with it too roughly or by throwing it. If he’s caught in the moment and told not to throw the toy he won’t do it. I will ask him to explain to me why he shouldn’t throw his toy or play roughly with it, and he can articulate well the reasons for this. If the toy is fixable, he then has to deal with the natural consequences of not being able to play with it until someone can fix it for him, if it’s not fixable he loses the toy.
Once he gets it back he will do the same thing again, or he will do the same thing to another toy he is playing with.
To clarify- he’s not doing it for attention, it’s in the normal flow of play. He’s not doing it intending to break his toy, sometimes he can be absent-mindedly fiddling with things and they break. He’s not throwing things violently, it’s stuff like launching a car from the sofa ‘because it’s flying’.
This is just one example, there are a few others I could give, not all including breaking toys.
Help!

OP posts:
Elieza · 08/08/2020 22:41

I believe ADHD can mean children don’t link actions with consequences.

Does he have any other non-neurotypical responses?

Perhaps others with more knowledge can advise.

GlassMarble · 08/08/2020 22:47

He’s 4!
Impulse control doesn’t kick in for about another 20 years Grin

Probablygreen · 08/08/2020 22:47

Thanks for your reply and yes he does, he has an inability to stop talking, he chatters constantly. Even when he’s in trouble he keeps talking, it’s as though he can’t help himself. He’s not impulsive in general though, he understands and respects dangers, he’s not in any way violent (not implying that all children with ADHD are by the way) and he sleeps well. I didn’t know whether this was something to mention to his paediatrician or if it’s just one of those things...

OP posts:
Probablygreen · 08/08/2020 22:51

@GlassMarble well yes that’s why I’m asking 🤣
His 3 year old sister totally understands these things and has so much more control. She also recognised when I am about to tell them off for something and modified her behaviour, DS does not. He absolutely doesn’t recognise when someone else is upset or cross, although when he is told this he immediately apologises.
Having never had a 4 year old (and he’s the oldest child in our extended family too!) I have no clue if it’s normal or not!

OP posts:
jessycake · 08/08/2020 22:52

Its normal , he is fine

Nix32 · 08/08/2020 22:53

Reception class teacher here, so I deal with a lot of 4 and 5 year olds - what you're describing is entirely normal. I've had entire classes of 30 like this! They are still young and egocentric, only focused on their immediate needs. It will come, eventually!

Probablygreen · 08/08/2020 22:53

@jessycake thank you!

OP posts:
Probablygreen · 08/08/2020 22:55

@Nix32 oh my goodness, I couldn’t deal with 30 of him. Love him to bits but give me strength... 🤣
Thanks very much though, that has put my mind at ease!

OP posts:
Proudpeacock · 08/08/2020 22:56

I have a 4 year old boy. Whilst it is frustrating I think it's entirely normal. Even as adults we don't always know what the consequences are. I would expect him to start to get better at recognising facial expressions soon which will help him understand whether people are angry or upset but that is likely to come before realising the full consequences of his actions.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread