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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset with DH for encouraging toddler DS to use my real name?

48 replies

SickOfThisVirus · 08/08/2020 18:24

DS is nearly 2. He heard DH call me by my name and repeated it. That in itself is a bit annoying (I always call DH "Daddy" when DS is around) but DH now keeps encouraging DS to repeat it which is much worse. He asks him "What's Mummy's real name?" and finds it funny when he says the answer.

I don't want DS calling me by my name. I absolutely hate it and it really upsets me. I just want to be Mummy to him. I have told DH how much I hate DS calling me by my name but he was encouraging him to do it again today because we had guests over and he thinks it's cute.

AIBU to be really upset?

OP posts:

RowboatsinDisguise · 08/08/2020 20:48

Mine went through a few haze of calling me my name just after he turned 1... that was really bizarre. He must just have picked up on other people doing it.

He does it very occasionally now to me and DH if he hears other people call us by our names. I can’t say it bothers me.

RightOnTheEdge · 08/08/2020 20:49

My dc both did this when they were little. They found it funny. I didn't mind, I just acted normally and they soon went back to Mummy.

Your DH is being an arse though to wind you up when you've asked him to stop.

bedjolly · 08/08/2020 20:50

@ivfdreaming

Get your own back by not calling him "daddy" anymore but fat ugly bloke or something of a similar ilk and get son to call him that instead of Daddy and see how he likes it

(Yes childish I know but youve got take the little wins where you can in parenthood)

😂😂 best idea ever

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 08/08/2020 20:50

Of all the things to get upset over

madroid · 08/08/2020 20:52

Sounds like your DH is disrespectful to you and doesn't think he needs to take you seriously.

DotForShort · 08/08/2020 20:54

What is wrong with your DH asking, “What’s Mummy’s name?” Surely you want your son to know what your name is, even though he calls you Mummy. It doesn’t sound as though your DH is encouraging him to actually address you by your actual name.

Also, do you really address your DH as Daddy? That seems odd to me. I mean, if you’re talking to your child and refer to Daddy (e.g., “Ask Daddy to help you”), that’s quite different to saying, “Daddy, please hand me my phone” or whatever.

Nottherealslimshady · 08/08/2020 20:55

He does need to know your name but just ignore the pair of them if they dont call you mummy. Or teach him DHs name is poohead but that might be petty

Lockdowners · 08/08/2020 20:56

Sounds like your DH gets pleasure out of winding you up which is the real issue here.

My 2yo hears DSS call me by my real name and knows it’s my real name but I am her mummy. She doesn’t ever call me by it.

Sceptre86 · 08/08/2020 20:57

Your dh is an idiot. I would explain to him clearly that whilst it is great that your child knows your name you are to be called mummy, mum etc. Both my dd and ds know mine and my husband's names but we prefer to be called mummy and daddy by the kids. I would be annoyed too if my dh encouraged him.

DDemelza · 08/08/2020 21:50

I would incessantly refer to the husband in question as "Tiny Tackle."

Oysterbabe · 08/08/2020 21:55

Get your own back by not calling him "daddy" anymore but fat ugly bloke or something of a similar ilk and get son to call him that instead of Daddy and see how he likes it

Really don't do anything like this. You know the child is a person and not some fucking toy to wind eachother up with. Jesus christ.

hazandduck · 08/08/2020 22:00

My DD did this, like a PP, after we went on holiday she started calling DH his name. It was so funny because she said it exactly how I say it when I’m asking him to do something 🙈 I was a bit like your DH and encouraged her! My DH responded by teaching her my name but it never really caught on. She has since discovered I don’t like her calling me ‘mum’ rather than ‘mummy’ so she does that mischievously just to see me react, and the last couple of weeks started calling me ‘love’ which is also hilarious! I think it’s really common and just a phase and I personally wouldn’t get upset, but DH and I have quite a jokey, enjoy-teasing-one-another type relationship. If you and your partner don’t have that then I guess he is a bit out of order to deliberately upset you, but I am sure it is a phase your DS will grow out of.

Voice0fReason · 08/08/2020 22:00

The deliberate winding up is pathetic and childish - I would definitely talk to him about that.
I don't understand the issue about your child knowing and using your name. Your child needs to know your name. I taught mine to use our names if ever they got lost. A child shouting your name is easier to identify than a child shouting 'mum'.
Don't make a big deal out of it and your DS will stick to 'mummy'

Seracursoren · 08/08/2020 22:04

Only two people in this world call me Mum and it is precious.

Your Dh is a dickhead for doing this. Why would he want to hurt and upset you? Does he realise that step-parents are usually called by their first names?

Ask him outright why he would knowingly upset you.

SanFranBear · 08/08/2020 22:11

Just tell DS to use your DHs real name, not Daddy. He may then see why it makes you so uncomfortable!

YANBU at all - I'd hate that!

Emeraldshamrock · 08/08/2020 22:16

If it is upsetting you he should stop. Most DC do at some point especially if they're around lots of people using your real name.

Embracelife · 08/08/2020 23:13

Your ds needs to know your real name.
"Yes ds my name is sickofthis and I am your mummy "
Your name is not "mummy"
For reasons as stated..if lost and asked who is your mummy he can say "my mummy is sickofthis" "my daddy is xxxx"

It doesn't mean you are no longer ds mother.

Your dh is winding you up
That s a different story.

RedHelenB · 09/08/2020 05:39

I think yabu. It doesn't need to be an issue, he ll go back to calling you mum and then when ges a teenager it will be Mother your name no doubt!

blackcat86 · 09/08/2020 06:05

I understand your upset. DD started using my real name and not just the shortened version people call me but my proper given name (think Vicki vs Victoria etc and she was using Victoria). I think DH and/or PIL deliberately coached her but then there is form for them trying to undermine my role as her mother and trying to make out they are more important to her. She simply wouldn't have heard the long version of my name anywhere and its quite a complicated one for an under two year old. Is there other context here about why it upsets you so muh?

HusbandDadMoron · 09/08/2020 06:35

He is just doing to cos he finds it funny but it's not our oldest son has ASD and called me by my name onstead of dad until age of 7, I was so happy once he started to use daddy/dad, knew it was not his fault and only me he used to call by my name just proper loose your shit with him over it and he will most probs stop and finally relise its hurting you.

RandomTree · 09/08/2020 06:38

I'm surprised you're so upset about it, but given that you are, your DH is being unkind.

MindyStClaire · 09/08/2020 07:43

Yes exactly, I think some people are missing the point. It's not about whether other posters are ok with their DC using their names rather than mummy or daddy. It's that he's encouraging DC to do something that he knows you don't like, and for shits and giggles in front of an audience too. It's unkind and disrespectful.

SteelyPanther · 09/08/2020 08:12

I think your problem is your husband.
Do you have other problems in your marriage that are causing this to be a big issue ?
I have to say that I would be really pissed off in your situation.

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