To feel really guilty about working

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I have a four-month-old baby and I started working again at 6 weeks postpartum. I’m a writer and am the main earner. My partner works part time and so do I, so that we don’t need to pay for childcare and so we can both look after baby when the other one is working. It works for us. I work from home, but on the days I work I work longer hours than he does and I’m starting to feel bad for it as I see other mums spending all day every day with their babies and I don’t want to be selfish for working, but we couldn’t afford our rent on my maternity leave (£140 a week, rent alone is £950 a month) and I do enjoy working.

I’m just wondering if anyone else works with a baby, and how do they get over that guilt-feeling? And am I doing the wrong thing? I’m constantly anxious that I’m being a bad mum.

Oops, you only said partner, not DH. Sorry for assuming.

OP, I only worked part-time when baby was 1 year old, and then had another soon after. Since then they have dictated my hours and my career took a massive hit. I've spent alot of time with them and I love them to bits, but but I wish I still had a career and the money that goes with it. Whilst I was at home full time, I really missed working and my self-esteem took a massive hit, so please don't feel guilty. I think as Mums, many of us feel guilty, as we can't do everything. I now feel guilty about not being able to pay for everything they want and the fact that I won't be able to help them financially when they are older - if I still had my career, I would have been able to. You and your DH have done really well in managing the childcare between you - that is a massive positive.

Apart from paying the rent and working being good for you when you enjoy it, you are being a good role model. And you're paying into your pension.

Does your DH feel the same way?

Thank you all. No, my DP doesn’t feel the same way. He enjoys going to work as he feels it is good for his emotional wellbeing - but he also enjoys being home with DS. I do see now that people would be envious - and I am very lucky in that we both do 50/50 as it means we aren’t spending money on childcare and we both are able to bond and enjoy our DS. Thanks everyone for making me feel okay about it.

OP this is such a woman thing! You will feel guilty when you’re at work that you’re a crap mum and you’ll feel guilty when you’re at home that you’re not dedicating enough time to work. Men never ever feel like this.

We put too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect mothers (because we’re the ones that gave birth) and perfect career woman (because what did all those feminists fight for after all?) and it simply isn’t possible.

You are giving your baby the best of both worlds by being able to build up a bond with both of you and by providing financial support for your little family. It sounds like an ideal arrangement, and you can still spend plenty of quality time with your baby. Please try to let go of the guilt.