to ask for your stories about having babies at 40+

[bornninthe80s]

Trigger warning so please read on only if you can...

There are so many horror stories about the risks (to the child, is what I'm prioritising) of having a baby over 40.

Had my first at 38 and completely scared off having another as I don't think we would cope if a second child had SEN. First was premature (by 5 weeks) which is apparently also a risk for additional needs but thankfully no signs of that (almost 2 yrs) and pretty sure if you had one preterm it's likely the next will be the same (I am so sorry if this sounds shallow but I've had some pretty intense MH issues myself and I just know I couldn't do it).

I am pregnant by accident (4 weeks) and in pieces trying to decide whether to go ahead. Never had an abortion and they sound awful too.

I just wondered if you could tell me your good and bad stories of having a child after age 40.

Disclaimer! - Eagle eye MNetters may see me posting different questions around this exact topic which have been very helpful helping me focus my mind. Please don't make comments if you don't need to.

I just had my third at almost 40- (2 months off) best labour and birth of all 3 and great pregnancy, morning sickness aside. Very healthy baby. I've found each baby significantly easier than the last- not because they are but because I've felt I have a better idea of what I'm doing (sort of anyway!)

My mum had my sister years ago at 43 and I have a close friend who had her first at 43. Another friend of mine knows someone who had a healthy girl at 50! I could hardly believe that! So amazing. Maybe look up the actual stats as when I did this for my most recent pregnancy I found it wasn't as risky as I'd thought.

Saying all this though you must do what feels right. Can you speak to a midwife about it?

I’ve had two over 40, both healthy, both good pregnancies and births were same as births if had in 20s and 30s. My Nan had my Mum at 49, all fine, many years ago. I would say you are even more exhausted as a new Mum though. I noticed this definitely.

Had DS when I was 42, was very nervous about birth defects but everything was fine, perfectly healthy pregnancy. I even managed to lose all the weight plus an extra stone within 6 months so I was pretty happy!

Had mine at 42. No problems!

I had my girl at 39 (does that count) she was a surprise, I have 3 kids with ASD. I’m kind of getting on with it. Not really sure what to advise. If you want to keep the baby it may be a case of head down and getting on with it. It really is up to you.

I had 3 in my early 40's. All children pretty much NT. Pregnancies mostly fine although a couple of little scares. 2 were early, 1 was on time.