I was faced with this dilemma and decided it was too much of an age gap for me.
There were a variety of reasons. One was that I’d just finished my postgraduate studies and was loving travelling, being youngish making the most of my life as a free, adult woman doing little residential courses here and there, indulging my passions whilst furthering my career etc. Whilst he was desperate to be a Dad and to settle down immediately and have me churn out a few kids in quick succession with quite some urgency. To make matters worse he was my lecturer! So he wanted to further his career whilst I’d have to give up mine and all my potential.
I knew I wanted to marry and have children but a man a similar age, with similar goals and a more equal view to parenting, travelling etc etc just seemed like a much, much better option.
He was also distinctly middle aged, looked middle aged, had the sex drive and energy of an older man and dare I say it...was a bit boring. Most people assumed he was my Dad as I looked younger than 30 and he looked older than 45. I felt a man a similar age had much more to offer and was much more attractive to me. I want a partner not a master/servant or parent/child dynamic and I found that men of his generation weren’t as well educated about equality and doing their fair share as my peers.
Having seen a similar dynamic play out amongst peers, the marriages with the age gaps aren’t working out as well. There’s a difference in energy and the men are now in their 50s and health problems are starting to emerge. Every single one of the women have had to be stay at home mums at the man’s request and as the kids have got older they haven’t known how to get back into work or the work they have done has been poorly paid and just for “pocket money”. They are trapped and increasingly unhappy as the men become grumpier by the day. Sure I’ve got peers who have been of a similar age and had their relationships not work out too but there seems to be a familiar pattern at play with the much younger woman and the older man.
I’d definitely not consider an older man now. Ime there’s a reason they target younger women rather than women their own age. People think it’s usually to do with looks and youth but it can also be because they are intimidated by their peers and know they can’t pull the wool over their eyes and charm them into being whatever they need them to be. That charming lecturer turned out to be an abuser. He’s never had a girlfriend his own age.
Just get clear on both of your goals for the future and don’t be scared to put your dreams first. They are just as important as an older man’s!