AIBU to suggest that we don't need to eat out everytime we go out?

[FinnyStory]

I have a nice group of friends, who during summer, go on a long bike ride at least once per week. We usually go to a cafe or pub and have lunch while we're out.

I've noticed that one couple have stopped eating, or they share a cake while everyone else has a meal. I think this is because of financial concerns.

I can afford it but TBH do tend to agree that eating put once/twice per week is extravagant and this is before any plans in the rest of our lives.

They're not coming this weekend, having made a fairly feeble excuse. Now of course, they're entitled to decide not to come but they never usually miss.

The group has a wide range of lifestyles/ incomes and as our children have got older and some women have gone back to FT work some of the families' disposable income has increased a lot. This is evident in the kinds of lunch stops planned. To begin with we would have an ice cream or maybe lunch if it was someone's birthday. Now it's lunch every time and sometimes at quite expensive places.

So, I was thinking of suggesting to the group that it's not necessary every time. Sometimes we can just take a snack or a packed lunch with us. However, I know the lunch is a major highlight for some of the group.

TBH I'm surprised others haven't already picked up on this

Could you say you can't afford all the lunches anymore, but you'd love to do some picnics - and see if anyone chimes in with the same?

I was thinking of suggesting it's more Covid safe to eat on our own outdoors, especially as DH has a major health issue.

I don't think they'll believe it's because we can't afford it. They know what we do for a living!

Suggesting picnics is a nice idea suggested bike ride to park/woods/whereever see what everyone says. Well done on noticing your friends might be struggling.

It could be financial it could be weight related. Definitely suggest mixing things up.

Is the meal halfway through the ride or at the end? Could people do the ride and then leave saying they didn’t want lunch out?

I’d be suggesting picnics due to SD.

It's definitely not weight related. Friend is very active and has a very active job, she struggles to keep weight on.

You sound lovely & not patronising but well done for noticing your friends and trying to be tactful with it. I often have similar scenarios being we don't have as much disposable income & meet ups with people often seem to involve huge expenses for us meaning we often get left out! I would so appreciate someone realising and discretely pushing for something else.
I think the idea of a picnic sounds lovely. Especially with the weather etc atm you could frame it as making the most of it and due to covid etc.

Can you use the time excuse?
When someone arranges the lunch, can you say that you are looking forward to the cycle but have other plans later on in the day so will skip lunch this time?
It gives the other person the option to do that too.

And then another time suggest that you don't always fancy lunch out but a quick picnic sandwich would be enough. Nice to be outdoors type thing.
Or..suggest a particular ride that passes an ice cream shop and say you are happy to have a nice ice cream treat instead of a heavy lunch each time.
Or.."we are going out for dinner tonight or have a big meal at home planned so don't want a big lunch out"
Or is there someone else in the group you could have a quiet word with about your thoughts? Not so much talking exactly about your friends but just gently say that you love the bike rides and it's a great way to all get together but perhaps not everyone can afford the expensive lunches every time.
Or, how about one time suggesting that you all go for a cycle then lunch back at yours?
I'm just thinking little ways that you can make other suggestions so it gives your friend's suggestions for get out clauses too.
I would probably be the one in the group who couldn't keep up financially with most of my friends and I think you are very kind to be thinking about them.

I think it's really nice that you've picked up on this and want to help your friend without it being awkward for her. Suggesting picnic for social distancing reasons seems like a good idea.

The lunch stop is quite important, it's our opportunity for a chat!. You don't get that whilst riding. We sat for 2 hours over lunch pn yesterday's ride, these friends had a cup of tea

A picnic sounds like a great plan, maybe discreetly ask another friend to quickly back you up when you suggest it!

Just because you can afford it I still think it's ok to say 'can we keep the meals out to once a month and do our own packed lunches, as it all adds up'

Don’t make up any excuses or lie, just tell the truth & say that you prefer a picnic. If the other couple are short of money this will give them the opportunity to go for the picnic too, rather than say they can’t afford it.

I don’t think you should be “discreet” or use Covid as an excuse to discuss this issue. I don’t think you should reference this couple either as the reason why. You don’t know they are eating out because of price. It could be they don’t want to stop for 2 hours and have a big meal during exercise. On top of a long ride you are asking a lot of people as a group.

Just state that you think the costs of eating out are too much and that having a big and long meal in the middle of exercise is unnecessary and not to everyone’s liking.

Suggest that you mainly bring packed lunches and / or do snacks at cafes to fuel up.

“Can we stop doing restaurant lunches all the time. I don’t think my wallet or waist like can cope for much longer! Could we do picnics sometimes instead?”

Can you not just ask the friends if they are not hungry ? I know you don't want to embarrass or make them feel awkward but maybe opening up the conversation might help.

The DH has said privately to me that they got used to not spending much during lockdown and don't want to go back to old spending habits.

The Covid reason is enough, though in normal times I'd say you are being reasonable in any case.

I'd second talking to someone else in the group about your concerns - whoever you think is most likely to be supportive.

I used to organise a walking group, and experienced similar issues (and not always easy to find cheap lunch stops)

OP you are lovely!

I love eating out and am trying to take little lunches with us instead. Could you research come picnic places on your routes? Everyone could bring their own little pack up