Friends son smoking weed - tell her?

[QuizzlyBear]

Just that really. My very lovely friend has a 14 yo DS (who I've known since he was maybe 3). He's a good kid and I like him very much.

My own elder DS was on Snapchat and told me 'in confidence' that he'd seen friends DS on there smoking weed. Also seen a few conversations about him planning to meet up with friends to do so. Younger DS had seen it too but both told me and asked me not to tell his mum.

I'm not against weed. I've smoked it occasionally myself - but I'm very aware of the dangers of smoking it before the brain has fully developed. My kids know about these dangers (triggering mh issues) and that's why they were concerned.

I've seen my DF since and didn't say anything but I guess it's preyed on my mind - as a mum I think I'd want to know if my own kids were doing this. AIBU? Should I tell her or is it a) none of my business and b) betraying my own kids confidence?

14yrs old- yes I would tell!

Personal views on weed aside yes I'd grass up a 14yo

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I don't want to feel as though I'm sticking my nose into their business though - plus I do value her friendship a lot and don't want to be 'the messenger' iyswim?

That’s a difficult one, if you betray the trust of your kid he might end up having problems with those kids and stop communicating with you.

Can you phrase it on a way saying that you have seen 14 years old from the school smoking weed when out, or that someone told you they have seen them (without saying her son was with them)?

That would put her on the scent and hopefully help her to do something about it without letting your son take the brunt of being seen as a “snitch”.

Would you be annoyed if the tables were turned at you were told?

If he was 18, even 17 then maybe keep out of it but he’s 14!!!!

@TheMotherofAllDilemmas that's a good point - if I can find a way to tell her that doesn't completely drop my own DS in it, I'd feel better about things. I know I'd still be betraying their trust but at least nobody else would know they were involved.

I would want to know if it were my DS, yes. I wouldn't be angry etc with them (I'd be hypocritical if I was as I wasn't that much older when I tried weed and alcohol for the first time!) but I'd want to make sure they knew the possible ramifications.

We're all getting together for my DS birthday next week so I may wait until after that to tell her!

I think you should be against weed- think of the 'supply chain', the criminal gangs that exploit young men (often young black men) and the impact of the drugs trade on some developing countries.

I think you should talk to the boy's mum.

@elstree2020

I think you should be against weed- think of the 'supply chain', the criminal gangs that exploit young men (often young black men) and the impact of the drugs trade on some developing countries.

I think you should talk to the boy's mum.

I absolutely agree re the criminal gang element, however I don't think it'd be helpful to bring that into the discussion with his mum.

A little off track but a lot of people grow their own to sell or smoke over here now
Yes I'd say something

Also do consider how protective she is of her kid, if he is the golden child, nothing you say would be believed. Having said that, I would just mention something without involving your kid or directly involving hers anyway.

@Chanjer

Personal views on weed aside yes I'd grass up a 14yo

Pun intended?