Has life slipped through your fingers? Or do you really 'live life to the full'?

[blinkandumissit]

Over the last week or so, I have this slightly morose feeling about how much of my life has gone by so fast.

I'm 35, it just doesn't seem like a decade and a half has passed since I was 20, with all the time in the world to experience the world and work on my goals.

The rather trite phrase about 'living life to the full' keeps popping into my head. What does that even mean, really? I don't think I've managed to do that. I have several chronic illnesses and at one point had quite severe depression and anxiety...all I've done is bloody survive!

Much happier now in my 30's but have nothing to show for my 20's. They slipped away. I just can't quite understand how fast the time went.

Can anyone relate to a feeling of life slipping through your fingers like this?

Or if you are a 'live life to the full' type, can you explain how you do it?

@thistimelastweek

Have i bungee jumped? Swum with dolphins? Climbed Everest?

Hell no.

Am I content with the life I'm leading? Yes.

I'm the long-term, contentment surpasses all.

This exactly! I'm safe, healthy, secure and happy. I'm ok with that. I am still young, but never been a "carpe Diem" kind of person

@scoobydoo1971
I have nothing helpful to say, just and hugs and I really hope things improve for you.

It’s not what your lot is, but how you deal with it.

To an extent, sure. But this over-simplifies a little.

'Dealing' with your lot requires resources, and we don't all have the same resources. I'm just thinking about this today as I sit here sipping my coffee, attached to a piece of medical equipment that makes a hell of a lot of difference to my quality of life, feeling extremely lucky.

My health would be a whole lot worse without this, I'm just lucky I live in a country where it is accessible and also that I have a supportive partner so we can afford this. Not all my medical equipment is available on the NHS.

That makes a massive difference to how I deal with my lot, for example. It's not about some folk being stronger or more resilient or anything.

Attitude and outlook is very important yes, but it's not enough on its own and sometimes it is used to criticise people who are in impossible situations.

You write extremely well, @scoobydoo1971.

It's easy to give you advice, sat here behind my keyboard. I'm not you; I've not gone through anything like what you have. But I am bipolar, and in the depressive phase, the thinking patterns can be similar to what you describe.

When your mood doesn't match your circumstances, in the sense of what objectively you "should' be grateful for against how you actually feel about those things can induce a lot of guilt or regret. I had a therapist who was a big fan of the CBT method. Personally, I hate it. It sounded too much like the voice of guilt in my head. Turns out, what I needed was the right medication, not someone trying to reshape my thinking.

You say you had severe depression in the past, and you may be in the mild stage and not fully in remission.

The most important thing to remember is that Depression lies to you. It finds every nook and cranny in your psyche, every doubt or indecision, every criticism fair and not, every self-critical thought even from years ago and spews it all back at you monstrously distorted.

You are not your depression but there's no magic wand to make it go away. It can only be managed. You have to find what works for you - everyone is different. For me, chatting on message boards like MN and other social activities helps.

It's a struggle, no question. But you are loved.

Better to feel happy today because eating lunch in the sunshine made you feel contented, or decluttering the living room gave you a sense of achievement or whatever.

Otherwise you end up miserable because you and happiness/fulfilment are never in the same space together if it's something you only associate with ticking off big future goals.

So much wisdom here from a poster above. My DH tries to guilt trip me if I haven't done something 'fufilling' eg a walk in the woods (always) but although I like that, I also like tidying up the kitchen or reading a chaper etc and that's fine. Being guilted about it removes the fufilment for me