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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Aibu or abused?

21 replies

londonmama2111 · 07/08/2020 19:45

Hi mums.

My husband has just told me I am boring and I nag too much. I do nag, but I do everything . Look after the kids ( two under two) cook clean and now he's spent nearly a month refusing to go to work because he doesn't feel like it.

He calls me names , fat, ugly , insecure , unattractive and many more.

He used to hit me , black eyes, broken ribs , he's put my head down the toilet and constantly puts me down everyday.

My stomach is like jelly, I'm boring , nobody would ever want me, I'm a slut.

I've been married 3 years and I have really hard to get my body back after my 3 month old and I am back to my size 8 body now but I am insecure now .

I feel a bit lost and just need some advice.

I don't have any money of my own and I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
chipsandpeas · 07/08/2020 19:46

you are being abused - leave when you can

PurpleDaisies · 07/08/2020 19:47

You can contact women’s aid who will help you to leave. Flowers

Domino20 · 07/08/2020 19:50

Leave. You're normalising the behaviour to the point whereby you're not even sure if it's abuse or not. It's abuse, please leave 💗

Kirigiri · 07/08/2020 19:51

Please seek help, you are being abused and this man is a piece of shit. Take care Flowers

mbosnz · 07/08/2020 19:53

That is abuse. I am so sad that you could ever think it wasn't, and that you would be unreasonable not to accept such treatment. Do you have friends, or family, that you can reach out to for support? Or has he also done a good job of isolating you from any such networks, as well?

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 07/08/2020 20:00

I'm shocked that you have to ask. Of course you are being abused. I hope you want to leave him. Can you go out somewhere and phone Women's Aid? Do you have any friends you can speak to in RL too.

PolloDePrimavera · 07/08/2020 20:06

Omg yes, get out. What a fucking bastarding bully 😡.

MNHQ
FlissMumsnet · 07/08/2020 20:10

Hi there,
We're so sorry to hear you're going through this londonmama2111
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

Flowers
1Morewineplease · 07/08/2020 20:14

Oh my lovely, this isn’t right at all.
You are being horrendously abused and you need to escape from this.
Please take note of MNHQ’s advice and please contact Women’s Aid.

Please, my lovely... you deserve a much better life than this.

All good wishes to you.

StormzyInaDCup · 07/08/2020 21:57

@londonmama2111 I left a relationship like this, after he nearly killed me (fractured skull). My point is, it doesn't get better, it gets worse.

You're normalising, of course, because this is normal life to you? On the other side of this, on the real normal, people don't scare you daily. They don't tell you what to wear, who to look at, call you names, shit mum, slag, fat, etc.. They certainly do not hit you.
Peoples faces when you tell your story, will tell you it's far from normal.

He has you where he wants you right now, powerless with nowhere to turn. But, woman's aid is your 999. They honestly saved my life, I really hope you reach out to them and they do the same for you.

KnackeredHag · 07/08/2020 22:30

Get out. Now. It will never get better,only worse. Leave whilst you are stil able to. Sorry you are going through this x

GenevaL · 07/08/2020 22:34

What you are going through is - without doubt - abuse. You deserve better than this awful man.

Igmum · 07/08/2020 22:47

Get out. I've been there. Get out. Cannot describe how wonderful it is not to walk on eggshells. So much better for you. So much better for the kids. Go to Women's Aid or Refuge or the Police (or all three). Good luck OP 💐💐

Reluctantcavedweller · 07/08/2020 23:00

Please leave. My heart is breaking for you. Your two children deserve to grow up in a safe home with a happy mum who values herself.

You are strong and wonderful. You can do this.

FortniteBoysMum · 07/08/2020 23:14

Get out now whilst the kids are young enough not to remember it. Trust me you do not want their first memories being of dad hurting mum physically or in any other way. If he can do this to you he could do it to them. His not helping you at home his not going to work his the lazy one and if his not working his not going to provide for them. Get out as soon as you can.

justilou1 · 08/08/2020 00:15

You don’t have to put up with that and you know it.

Thurmanmurman · 08/08/2020 00:18

OP please listen to the women on here who have been through similar and got out. You deserve better Flowers

Embracelife · 08/08/2020 00:19

"He used to hit me , black eyes, broken ribs , he's put my head down the toilet a"
Why would you think that is OK?
It isn't.
Even if he said sorry.
It s over. Leave

Leave.
Tomorrow.
Report

daisychain1620 · 08/08/2020 01:26

What Embracelife said.
Please seek help from family, friends, women's aid

Original poster
londonmama2111 · 08/08/2020 21:11

Thank you all for replying x

OP posts:
EarlGreyJenny · 08/08/2020 21:20

I can't offer practical advice but please know there is a life out there better and safer for you and your children. I wish you all good luck and love

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