To ask you tell me how you became a single mum and successfully returned to full time work and it didn’t all turn into a massive financial and emotional shit show?

[BadDucks]

Even if it’s not true and the whole thing was a disaster can you tell me it’s all gonna be fine.

Was a SAHM for 10 years, retrained and have worked part time for 3 years. Youngest will start secondary school in September. Need to leave my marriage and whichever way I do the sums realistically I will need to go full time in order to get a mortgage. After 15 years of always being on stand by for the kids I can’t quite get my head around the practicalities of doing it alone and the financial side scares me to death.

So if anyone would like to come along and gently give my head a wobble so I can just bite the bullet and go full time that would be great thanks.

I extended the term of the mortgage to 70 with nationwide. I’ve assumed that at some stage I will significantly downsize once kids have left home.

I work full time. It’s not that bad. Freezer full of ready meals, Tesco delivery, milkman and vegetable box. Kids help out by starting dinner if I’m running late,

Thanks Solomummy I will looks at that although I think in order to qualify for the mortgage I need I will need to work more hours not sure universal credit gets taken into account when applying. I think in terms of long term financial security I need to find a way to be financially independent if I can.

I’m a single mum to 3 kids. One with Sen. 2 are at high school now but were all primary when ex and I split.
I work a poorly paid job in a school that I love anc am very good at. I work 30 hours a week term time so am there for my kids out of school hours all the time. My salary gets topped up to very reasonable level by tax credits and I get child maintenance.
I got a mortgage that took into account the tax credits and maintenance (I think I just had to show a years worth of statements showing it was a regular thing). Several banks take this into account!

You’re fortunate you had the choice to work part time all this time. I thought you were going to say your kids were toddlers! You’ll be fine! Just need to be organised and hopefully ensure your ex pulls his weight. Honestly working part time is a luxury.

Ex walked out when children were 6 and 4. I didn't work and stayed at home until they were 10 and 8, then went backto college and qualified as a teacher , starting work when they were 11 and 9. Ex moved 5000 miles away and saw them once a year for a week, parents and PIL lived 200 miles away. The children had to be healthy, there was no one available to look after them so they never had a day off school until they were old enough to stay at home on their own! Eldest was a latch key kid at secondary, let himself in and out and was on his own until I got home from work, youngest went to the school I taught at so commuted to and from school with me. He has some minor SEN issues but we managed. You just have to so you adapt!

You will be okay op but unsure why people are saying you are fortunate to have worked part time all this time, when many families structure their lives to have one partner working part time or staying at home. Why is that fortunate, surely that's just a choice that families can make.

But anyway op look carefully into sen options for childcare, post secondary age when sen and some kids still need childcare, it is very rarely available. Parents of non senior kids do not realise. So look into what is available in your area as you may be lucky but options are very low across the country.

It will be ok op

Re care for the child who has additional needs - my sister has very significant additional needs, was at a special school, developmentally around the age of a 15 month old her whole life. Both my parents worked full-time - she had a series of after-school childminders who were brilliant and mainly worked at the school. They also often looked after her in the holidays. Obviously you have to be careful to find a good and reliable childminder but my parents were lucky enough to - evening babysitters too. I was never ever left looking after my sister till I was 18 - I wouldn't have minded but my parents felt very strongly it wasn't fair for me to. I'm not pretending it's always easy - but it's not impossible either.

Bathsh3ba my sibling also had special needs and we had to look after a lot as young teens as both my parents had to work. I don’t resent them as they just didn’t have a choice but to work but it wasn’t much fun.

Lots of people can’t afford to work part time in order to feed/provide for their kids. It’s not a case of simply structuring your life. Then there’s not being willing to take government support/damage career. Working full time has lots of benefits, including financial freedom. Good luck OP you deserve happiness and you will thrive!

I was a single mother from the start. I won't pretend I had the difficulties others face with finances, but I did have a menagerie of animals and a home that requires more upkeep than average. I suppose it was easy because I never had a different parenting experience to compare it to.

I think it would be easier if you considered your previous parenting from a different perspective. So instead of thinking you've done the average, but now have a demanding existence before you, think of it as having had an easier time so far, and now you'll just be doing the same as many. I don't mean that as an insult or jibe, it's simply a more constructive way to view it.

Don't worry, you can do it!

I'm a single mum to 3 DC, working full time. Life is busy and chaotic but so much less stressful than when their dad was here. My top tip is to get a really good budgeting app - has made me feel much more in control of things.

I’m hoping once single I’ll Be happier and have more energy and motivation so therefore more organised. Right now everyday is like wading through treacle.

Do you currently own your house? You might get more of the equity in it as the parent who stayed home

Yes we joint own. I suspect he’ll fight tooth and nail for 50:50 split though

Became a single mother not through choice when my DD was a few months old just before I was due back at work after maternity. She is now about to start high school.

It's hard, trying to keep a full time job so there's money coming in and trying to be a good parent but it's do-able. I was even able to keep a hobby that I do twice a week.

But because you know you have no choice you just get on with it and it gets easier each year. And it quickly becomes part of life , routine and you learn how to manage.

I became a lone parent when DD and DS were 5 and 3
Managed on part time work and tax credits plus a lot of ducking n diving till they got to 10 and 12 when I moved over to full time work
They are now adults (27 & 29) I have a great career (high earner within my industry)
We are v close and doing ok

Definitely feeling inspired by all you guys thank you.

Make friends with your new neighbours so that your DC know they can go to one of them for help if they have an urgent problem.

I am also a single parent to 2 dc one with ASD and always worked full time since splitting with theirDF.
It’s taken my a couple of years to be like a well oiled machine although sometimes we get a bit rusty.
However I own my home, we have holidays and my DC have all they need.
I second things like 5 sets of uniforms, every thing ready the night before, batch cooking one night a week to make 3 meals and then pizza or shock horror nuggets the other nights.
My dc do chores everyday as they know I can’t do it all myself.
I will never have another man living in our home.

I actually found it a massive relief to be a single parent. Lots of things that didn't get done before, got done, purely because I knew it was all down to me. I did take a bit of a risk early on though. I took a job that didn't cover my outgoings and just trusted my wages would go up in time before my debts got too big. (They did)
You just need a leap of faith! It will work out.