Ridiculous jealousy of people in happy relationships.

[checkeres]

Bit of background. I have a toddler. He's hilarious and I love him to pieces. His dad isn't in his life. He physically and emotionally abused me and I have a life long restraining order against him. It's not the life I imagined for myself, and it was pretty shocking to realise that a seemingly normal man can become so violent during my pregnancy.

We had always talked about how we would've liked 3 children. Ideally when our son was 2 we would've started trying for our second.

I've recently become to broody to the extent that I well up when I see a newborn. I'm also extremely jealous of people who are in happy relationships which most of my friends seem to be (of course I don't know what goes on behind closed doors). I get butterflies and am filled with envy when I see a pregnant woman. It's a mixture of feeling really happy for them, and really low.

I know this isn't normal but it's eating away at me. I'm 32, don't know if/when I'll meet someone, don't know if I'll ever get the chance to have more children.

I'm just really down and don't know what to do. I can hand on heart say I'm not usually a jealous type.

Can anyone offer me any advice at all on this? I feel like shit...

Sorry that you feel like this op it’s shit isn’t it.
At 32 I was in a really good relationship but feeling unhappy because after two years of trying I couldn’t get pregnant whilst all of my friends seemed to get pregnant by looking at their partners.
The only advice I can offer is that life does change. You are still young enough to meet someone else and have another child. Try not to let what you don’t have spoil what you do have. Enjoy fun times with your son and believe that the world will change.

I get butterflies and am filled with envy when I see a pregnant woman. It's a mixture of feeling really happy for them, and really low.

I’m in different circumstances to you OP but I feel exactly the same as you. I could have written the exact words that you did.

I hate it, it’s really shit to feel so envious of other people.

You have my sympathy

@QueenofmyPrinces

I get butterflies and am filled with envy when I see a pregnant woman. It's a mixture of feeling really happy for them, and really low.

I’m in different circumstances to you OP but I feel exactly the same as you. I could have written the exact words that you did.

I hate it, it’s really shit to feel so envious of other people.

You have my sympathy

Horrible isn't it. I am extremely grateful for the son I do have.

I realistically just don't think I'll be able to date until my son is older as I'm a lone parent and logistically it's be a nightmare. The fear of the bio clock is ticking for the first time in my life.

I think I'm just really lonely.

I vary but sometimes I feel just like you and sometimes I feel lonely and it is unbearable for about a day or sometimes longer and then it eases.

I married twice. First time - I was wife number 3 (that should have been my first clue!) and I loved him or thought I did. Until he controlled me to within of an life and I wanted to commit suicide to get out. I left him within 6 months. On paper we had "everything" adorable step kids, manor house, over 7 acres. and pot of money. He tried to kill me. I left. He married and divorced again. Then married about 10 years ago and a recent FB trawl showed him all loved up with wife number 5. He has been married for 10 years. I doubt very very much they are happy despite the photo of marital bliss. I had a cry. Even though I would be dead by now if we were still married. I called it lockdown madness -looking him up.

My other ex and I spilt up 6 / 7 years ago. He was abusive but more so his family. I have a life long restraining order against him and family but he has contact with the youngest (although this may come to an end as he keeps pushing rubbish). He doesn't have a girlfriend and hasn't since the split. But sometimes I catch myself thinking "what if" -he hadn't of done this, or this or this? But the point is he did.

For me much is held in my relationship with my parents. They are loving but not in the way I would want -no cuddles etc. and emotional support. But I have found lockdown amplifies those feelings. I have friends where I am -and I am settled but thinking of moving closer. But like holidays with them the "vision of being so happy when being with them" is not quite the same as reality - when will them I can still feel pushed away. However, my relationship with my children (I have two children of my own and then one child who is long term family placement (court ordered)- cousin's child who lives with me full time).is all I really need -my need subsides if I am playing with them and close to them.

My friend has the most amazing husband -honestly he is amazing -close marriage for now 25 years. But they could not have children -ever. They were married for 10 years before trying. Then tried for 7 years. Then ivf. Then too old for adoption and although they looked into it -it wasn't going to suit them. She is lonely too. She would have made the most amazing mum, a recent phone call she just burst into tears saying "we have nothing to live for" a beautiful house, well off (she doesn't work) and yet no children which she and he really wanted.

Being lonely affects us all. It doesn't matter if you have 2 or 20 children. Married or not. This book (below) helped me loads. But during lockdown when the phone doesn't ring unless I seemingly ring. Sometimes I feel I do all the chasing but today I have had 3 messages asking how I am etc. But you are not alone. Really not. The bit about wanting children is so true - I relate to it. I wanted a baby so much. I would have done anything to have one. I had babies in my 40s. 32 is young. But I can't promise it will happen and there is more to risk but doing it with the wrong man as I did. I'd love a happy marriage -but I don't want to risk the happiness I have and for it all to go "tits up". Can you get yourself some counselling and look at your support network?

DM me if you'd like to talk more.

www.amazon.co.uk/Freedom-Loneliness-Ways-Feeling-Lonely-ebook/dp/B007ATF748/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=jennifer+lonliness&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1596820970&sr=8-2

I'm a single parent also OP, since my son was 8m and I did feel funny when all of my NCT friends started having baby number 2 all at the same time and I realised that option was taken away from me.

My son is 4 now and I still can't imagine getting into a relationship so have decided 1 will be enough.

I can sympathise, I’ve been single for a long time with 2 children and I always wanted 3/4 and a husband etc, but it just doesn’t feel like it’s meant to be. It’s been a long slow process for me to accept my life hasn’t gone the way I wanted, but there is still hope for you. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you can’t have another baby, and a decent guy could turn up any time, you’re young you have plenty of time. Have you spoken to anyone about the abuse? Be proud of yourself for getting out that relationship and focusing on yourself and DS.

Thank you @Ishihtzuknot

I've talked to numerous people. I'm doing the freedom program. I have a counsellor. I have lovely friends and family. I've actually done a huge amount of work on myself over the past couple of years and am only just feeling ready to maybe test the waters re dating.

It’s a rubbish feeling, going through fertility struggles also made it hard to see pregnant women and newborns at times.

What I would say is that not everyone that looks like they are in a happy relationship are actually in one. My neighbour posts loving messages about her partner, and always says how great he is, but we can hear them argue every single day. If it wasn’t for the thin walls I wouldn’t even know, as the picture she paints is completely different.

Also it may not be something for you, but there is an option to have a baby via donor sperm (though I’m not sure the NHS will cover this as you already have a child).

I’m sure others will give better advice on how to cope, but think about some self-care, trying to put yourself first which may help you in feeling better/coping.