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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To advise my DFriend to leave her relationship?

4 replies

Aqua2468 · 06/08/2020 22:00

DF has been with her partner for 1 year and I'm seeing signs that she's beginning to change and some things she tells me but I think she hides the complete picture.

Some of the things I know for a fact are:

If she doesn't want sex her partner will say that she doesn't find him attractive and doesn't give him enough attention in the relationship.

He earns more than her and will use this against her, if she buys something for herself he will comment about money and he doesn't allow her to have certain things she wants as he sees it as a waste of money.

She has an elder daughter and he will get jealous if she speaks highly of her and cut the conversation short and say that she never speaks like that about him.

Every holiday is his choice, every big decision is his choice.

He tells her that she is lazy if she sits down to watch TV and goes on about how much harder he is working.

If she goes out he will tell her how lonely he is going to be and demand a time she will be home even if it means she has to leave early.

They are just a few things, I know I shouldn't get involved but I hate to see her change and she has become a more introverted, self conscious person lately and I'm worried.

How can I help her? We are very close but this is her first long term relationship since her split and I think she's holding onto hope.

OP posts:
Tooshytoshine · 06/08/2020 22:21

Sorry, no advice with this one really. Except to say it is a tough situation as he sounds awful. If she loves him and he is manipulative, you might just need to reassure her you are there for her and let her know how wonderful she is and how much she deserves a wonderful, caring and supportive partner...

Sounds like his next MO will be to isolate her from friends and family so tread carefully

rosiejaune · 06/08/2020 22:51

"Your partner is abusive. When you are ready to leave him, I will help you."

And this link: www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/

ParcelFarce · 06/08/2020 23:10

What rosie says.

A good friend isn’t afraid to tell the truth - I know my closest friends wouldn’t shy away from talking to me straight when it really matters and I’m grateful for it. I’d sit DF down and gently but firmly list your concerns, as you’ve done above. And call it abuse when you do, because that’s what it is. Good luck Flowers

Merryoldgoat · 06/08/2020 23:12

As PP said above.

Tell her you’ll help her when she’s ready, that you’re her friend but that her relationship is unhealthy and you can’t support it.

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