Aibu? 5yo at bedtime

[StormsDontLastForever]

I am a mum to my dd 5 every night at bedtime dd won't settle unless I am in my own room upstairs (next to hers) or she is in beside me. When I am in my room and she is in hers she keeps coming into my room literally every 5 mins. Over the past few years I have gone upstairs at the same time as her bedtime and watched tv in my bed while dp sits downstairs, I feel like I am missing out on chill time to myself as if I sit downstairs she is downstairs every 2 mins wanting to know what I'm doing etc, that I give in and end up letting her cuddle up on the couch or I go upstairs, when this happens she doesn't fall asleep until after 10pm and by then I'm too exhausted to watch any tv or anything. Aibu to insist she stays upstairs in her bed while I watch some tv downstairs in my livingroom? (Some stuff on tv is just not for kids). Although I feel bad when she says she wants me etc. All lights are on upstairs and she has her tv on in her room, I feel like a terrible mum when I don't let her come in beside me but I just feel like I need a break

We have a read, a talk about our day, a cuddle and then tucked into bed with lights out, but we stay in the room for 5 minutes before leaving. Then another night night kiss and go. We've been v clear that this is Mummy and Daddy's time, and that if she doesn't go to sleep then both she and we will be too tired to do x y z in the morning.

That usually works, but we have had to be quite strict about it at times. We ended up putting the baby gate back on her door (has to be on door rather than stairs as not able to fit on stairs due to position of top rail/edge of step/door/wall) but leave it open. If she comes out three times we tell her that big girls stay in their beds and go to sleep at bedtime, so if she's going to be a baby we will simply have to shut the baby gate. All v light and loving, tucked back in with a kiss and a reminder of what a big girl she's being staying in her bed, and praise the following day too.

We need our time to decompress so we can be good parents the next day, not stressed out from the previous day.

Should add she gets told the gate will be shut NEXT time she leaves her room, she doesn't just get shut in. And we have never yet had to do it, just knowing we might do seems to be enough to discourage her.

My 3yo is a nightmare at bedtime. I recently introduced a little rotating light projector thing that projects coloured lights on the walls. In order for it to work, the room has to be as dark as possible so he voluntarily closes the door and curtains and doesn't want the landing light on. He is asleep within 5 minutes some nights (obviously not all, but a huge improvement on where we were!) Think it must take him back to all those baby sensory classes we did when he was younger! Can't recommend it highly enough. It was about £15 on Amazon.

My DS 5, started getting worries/scared about being on his own about a year ago.
He has 3 strategically places nightlighs and some string lights that help him feel like it's not too dark but it's not bright enough to interrupt his sleep.
We also use Moshi Sleep Stories App, he loves the stories and they help him fall asleep.
I get in for a 5 min cuddle and chat, we then talk about what wonderful things he will dream about and I say night night and put the moshi on.
He still does sometimes call for me for whatever (ridiculous) reason, I get him back in and say night again, if he calls a second time I'm very firm and tell him I will not be coming up again and he needs to go off to sleep.
It worked for us within a few days.
Also he never gets to come back downstairs at all.

Mine is very similar. Try leaving her with audio stories or classical music...