AIBU to 'end this' by text?

[namedchange112]

Regular poster but name changed...

DH and I separated around 8 months ago. His behaviour was disrespectful and he had multiple online emotional affairs before I asked him to move out. We have 2 DD.

Around 5 months ago- just before lockdown- I met someone at work, completely different department but I have to have regular dealings- think similar to IT. He's attractive, single and we get on like a house on fire. We have regularly texted during lockdown and have been on a couple of socially distanced walks more recently where I've found out things like he doesn't like eating out I love eating out, doesn't travel abroad I love travelling and lives with his parents at 35 I have my own home with a lot of equity and perhaps snobbishly would rather be with someone equally matched. I do really like him but I don't fancy him and, truthfully, am still absolutely in love with my DH despite what happened- we are getting on great at the moment and he's spent a lot of time with us over the last few weeks. He has spent the last 8 months being a brilliant dad and hasn't met anyone else (obviously, as far as I know). He wants to give it another go, I'm not sure but I do know I don't want to settle; the painful bit of breaking up is done- I'm in a good place.

I feel like although absolutely nothing has happened I need to cool it off- particularly before we both go back to work in the same building next month (have been WFH). I'm thinking of just sending a text (next time we're talking not out of the blue) to say I don't want to give him the wrong impression but I'm really not looking for anything but friendship?

Would I be a total wimp not to do it face to face!?

It sounds as though you might be able to continue your good relationship with your colleague without the drama of ‘ending’ anything. A text saying you just want friendship sounds fine, and fair to him if there’s a strong sense he wants more.

Can't you just be busy and respond less and go on fewer walks? You've not committed or promised him anything. I have loads of male friends and I know some of them might be interested (maybe!) but I just swerve it.

I think a kind and friendly text saying you are just wanting to be friends is fine.
Good luck OP.

But you are just friends? So why would you need to say it. It might seem presumptuous to send a text assuming he thought otherwise.

And obviously getting back together with your husband is a bad idea. He might seem fine at the moment, but it will no doubt happen again next time he gets bored. Like the cycle of abuse - they aren't usually horrible all the time.

I agree with the previous post - you might be jumping the gun to point out that you're just friends. Even if this guy wants more, he's probably still at the stage of finding out about you.

You could send out a few subtle signals. During a conversation, mention another male friend - something like, "Oh, that's funny! My friend Steve always says that!"

When letters were the only means of long-distance communication people would break off engagements that way. Ending something by text is a modern equivalent. I've certainly received texts like this and it has never crossed my mind that the woman was being unreasonable or unkind.

Thanks all.

For those suggesting it might be jumping the gun; I'm in two minds hence me asking, he keeps suggesting things we could do and it's starting to feel a bit 'date'y' that's all 🙂

Next time he messages (I'm not going to message him just to cool it a little bit) I'll weave it in somehow. I do want to stay friends but obviously if he doesn't want another friend that's fine too!

The text sounds ok and he will hopefully appreciate it. It's more polite than just pulling away.

I think the next time you are texting to say something like "by the way, I don't want to have given you the wrong impression, but I'm just looking for friendship at the moment and keeping things light". You've haven't committed to him so I think text is fine. If he replied weirdly saying he didn't want anything more and why do you think he wants more (as he might!) just say you wanted to clarify that's all so you weren't leading him on.