First trimester of pregnancy - No sex

[alllthegearnoidea]

I am currently 11 weeks pregnant and haven't had sex with DH since we conceived. I have been feeling horrendous with extreme nausea and fatigue. He has been understanding but commented yesterday that 3 months is a long time and he had needs too, which I understand but still the last thing I feel like doing at the moment is anything sexual at all when I am spending most of the day dry retching.

Is this normal? AIBU for not wanting to until I feel better? Or should I just get on with it?!

YANBU. Loads of women lose their sex drive during pregnancy, or just feel too rubbish to contemplate it.

Your husband isn’t going to die from lack of sex. You’re going through pregnancy for the purpose of providing both of you with a baby, so the least he can do is completely respect how you feel about it and wait until you’re ready. Pregnancy isn’t forever. He can wait.

Completely normal!!! He will find it off putting when you vomit over him!! Does he think you are being sick for fun!!

Whoa, your DH is a knob.

I was hospitalised due to sickness from 5-23 weeks. Didn't leave hospital once. My DH never moaned or mentioned sex once.

Because he's not a twat.

Your husband is a dick.

On one hand I have a high sex drive and would really struggle not to have sex for three months. But on the other hand, I wouldn't want to have sex with my partner if they were feeling unwell. You are carrying his baby, so he may just have to suck it up.

My friend's husband was like this and wouldn't stop complaining. He had an affair and blamed her. Some people are so selfish

He does not have any needs that cannot be met with his own right hand.

If it's the intimacy he misses rather than the actual sex then that can be achieved in other ways - back rubs, cuddles in bed, kissing, snuggling up together on the sofa, all are ways of being physically close and touching without having sex.

DH didn't get so much as promise of sex for the whole nine months with all four of our DC as between them all I had HG, bleeds, unstable lie, sciatica cervical erosion, and more. He didn't complain once because hes not an utter dickhead and nine months (x4) is a drop in the ocean compared the many years behind us and (hopefully) ahead of us.

Totally understandable, he’s being selfish. Tell him to sort himself out. Next time he’s feeling really rough, pester him for sex 😂

Thanks ladies! Good to know this is normal. I was building myself up to do the deed just to get it over with 🤣 but will hold back now and he's just going to have to wait!

The discussion came about because I've stopped kissing him goodnight, or kissing him at all really! Maybe it's less about actual sex but more about intimacy so will take your advice and be more 'loving'! Which I'm definitely not being at the moment as even the smell of his aftershave is enough to set off my nausea!!

Nothing wrong with taking sex off the table, he should understand. Try not to remove affection though.

My DW went off sex while pregnant but didn't explain to me at first and she stopped all affection. She thought that she would be leading me on by showing physical affection but not wanting sex.

After a good chat,we got back to hand holding/cuddling and kissing. We had the affection back as she felt no pressure for sex.

Hope the nausea goes soon.

If you don’t feel like it, you don’t feel like it. Nothing unreasonable about that, pregnant or not. Pregnancy is a weird time. You might find that in a few weeks your hormones do something mad again and your sex drive rockets. Or maybe not. But either way, it doesn’t matter.

He's being a knob. Men do not have "needs" ffs.

Anyone who wangs on about their "needs" is a twat

YANBU. I felt the exact same at that time of my pregnancy and even now that I'm 27 weeks and the nausea is gone I have NO sex drive. My partner will want to have sex and I will be so uninterested. Or because my smell is better and he's just eaten a bag of steak crisps🤢.

Yeh he’s being a dick.
We’ve not dtd since conception and I’m 6 months gone. I have a history of bleeding in pregnancy and dh doesn’t want me to worry, because he knows I will if I bleed.

DH refused sex with me all pregnancy!!! He was terrified it would hurt baby (due to medical issues we thought we would never have a child: we had been trying for 8 years)

I was so busy being knackered and sick that sex wasn’t on my mind most of the time anyway

What a massively entitled douche, whining about his ‘needs’ when you’ve been so ill. If he can’t manage during the first trimester I hate to think how he will be post birth when you’re in pain, bleeding, exhausted and touched out. Potentially for months or years. Sex isn’t a human right, tell him have a wank.

Love these replies! Thanks all!
Had a go at home tonight for making the 'I have needs' comment and he apologised and said it wasn't just about sex, it was about any intimacy at all, which I understand as I have been very hormonal and cold with him.
I assured him sex was not on the agenda but I will do my best to be more 'loving' towards him, even with my pregnancy hormones!

*had a go at HIM not HOME!

dont blame you with my first baby i went 6 months of my pregnancy without sex just wasnt in the mood this one havent had sex since concieved