My DM complaining she has not alot of time to do chores

[Rosegoldlilly1]

She's been a SAHM since I was born so almost 30 years. I moved out 5 years ago and my DSis moved out 7 years ago. Her and my DF live a good life. Have a very good social life.
Recently since the easing of lockdown I've had to do some hours at work again, unfortunately I couldn't get his regular childcare again and I'm a single mum too. So she looks after him max 8 hours per week. Before the pandemic she told me and my Dsis she refuses to look after our children while we work at all. Which fine she's doesn't have to but I know alot of grandparents that help. She spends one afternoon with my DSis and works for my dad 3 hours per week. She also visits her DM but that's one morning per week.
She's just been moaning at my how she has no time and is struggling to keep on top of chores.
Many times she's flamed me for not being on top of housework or ironing or gardening and I think how cheeky you're now saying this when I was trying to tell you how hard it is to work, look after a child and do chores as well as all the other stuff. She still has plenty of free time to do as she wishes.
AIBU that I'm annoyed she's said this to me. I don't have alot of sympathy when I literally have no spare time what so ever.

Let her enjoy any free time she gets, there's a good chance her own DM will need help help in the future. She has a small window of opportunity to have some care free years, don't judge how she spends them.

It was her choice to have children and look after them. It is YOUR choice to have had children and so how does that make it her problem that she doesn't want to look after your children? It's mazing that on this site there are two versions - either DM won't look after the grandkids and is a selfish CF, or DM insists of looking after /treating the grandkids in the way she wants and is a selfish CF. To be honest, reading threads on this site should be compulsory for anyone thinking of having children. The human race would die out if parents knew what they were in for.

I just think if my DM had a full time job how would she cope?

Well for starters your parents wouldn't have children to look after.

I had to stop working full time in my early 40's. I don't have the energy. Mine adult dc's haven't had any dc's yet, they know not because I don't care, that they won't be able to rely on me for childcare.

Where is the child's other parent and family?

Before the pandemic she told me and my Dsis she refuses to look after our children while we work at all.

I think you always knew it wouldn't go down well OP, because this was something she never wanted to do.

It's for a short period of time, when she complains just say 'thanks for helping me out of a tight spot short-term, I appreciate it' and move the conversation on.

Are you quite competitive op?

She's been a SAHM since I was born so almost 30 years....I moved out 5 years ago and my DSis moved out 7 years ago

How old are you and your sis?
Your mum has done her time looking after children - it's all she's known for 30 years.
She doesn't want to spend the rest of her life looking after children - maybe she just wants to be able to enjoy being a grandma without being pressured into free childcare?

The world outside of being a SAHM is new to her, why can't you help her adjust instead of mocking her???
Maybe she feels like she's lost her identity and is struggling to find who she was pre-children??
It doesn't sound like her mental health has fared well being a SAHM for 30 years.....

You only moved out 5 years ago.....consider yourself 'superior' in comparison just cos you got a job outside the home...managed to have a kid with a ?deadbeat dad, yet at the first hiccup you take the easiest option and dump him on your mum?

Don't throw stones at others from inside your glass house......

I have to say that I wouldn't describe anyone who had been a stay at home mother for 30 years as 'having done her stint at the coal face'! The first few years might have been difficult, but surely not the rest.

In any event she hasn't been a stay at home mother for the last 5 years as she hasn't had any children at home to look after. She has been a housewife.

Of course she has time to do her chores. She has plenty of time. It's just that she is not used to having to fit in the childcare as well as her other commitments and she's struggling to cope.

She clearly doesn't want to be helping with her grandchildren's childcare. That of course is her prerogative, but I can't imagine it's how I would feel.

@PolPotNoodle

Where is your child's father in all this?

Or the grandfather. Why can't he care for his grandchild, or do the housework if she is caring for the child?