To think that this person needs help

[TotallyObsessed4]

Name Change as person, knows I use mumsnet

So basically I know someone who is literally obsessed with a famous actor (who will remain anonymous).

Her house is full of pictures of said celebrity, she runs a website about them and messages them every day (they hardly ever respond). She will cry and “question” the meaning of life, when they don’t like her tweet. She’s doesn’t stop talking about them when your trying to have a Conversation and says that she wants to treat this person like her own child (thankfully she is childless).

I am willing to bet that this person most definitely has a form of ASD. She has a daly routine (centred around the TV schedule of when this actor is on) and her behaviour (not just with this obsession) fits so many of the symptoms.

I am really worried about this person. Is this a normal celebrity “fandom”? Maybe it is and maybe IABU. But surely you can understand my concern.

Well it doesn't sound healthy of particularly bit I don't see as they're anything you can do besides decide if you want to contribute the friendship or not. It didn't sound like they're a risk to themselves or the celebrity

I know a few people like this and it's always a manifestation of low self-esteem. The celebrity fills a void that the person feels they cannot fill any other way.

Why do you think ASD? Could it not be a personality disorder? Stalking and harassment are criminal offences so she needs to be careful. What do you propose to do about it though?

Name Change as person, knows I use mumsnet

So you've covered your own back in the sense this person can't dig through your posting history, but you're totally OK with them recognising themselves and reading the opinions of random internet strangers?

If you're 'really worried' about them, talk to them like an adult. Don't do this as it's not like they're going to appreciate it

It is a family member actually. I wouldn’t say she is a “risk” either. Tbh the celebrity does follow her back on Twitter and does send her messages on her birthday, so they must feel fairly comfortable with her. They have also met a fair few times BUT always at an event, such as the stage door, or an event the celeb is appearing at. However she tells me her life would not be complete if the celebrity doesn’t ever come round for dinner. I guess it just makes me sad more then anytime else.

I have ASD and as a teenager, I was like this. Not to this extent, but I never. Ever. Stopped thinking about my obsession. Ever. I lived it in my head. As a young teenager I tried to debate endlessly with my poor family about the ins and outs of very minor details etc.

I've mellowed as an adult but still love the thing I was obsessed about and am passionate about it. Could talk about it all day, but now I'm older I have more control over myself (it's taken some therapy too).

It rings true to my experience of ASD so I really wouldn't be surprised if your friend is autistic.

As it's a real person, it is slightly worrying as this could effect them in some way. Is someone in her family aware?

Yes I'd agree with her needing help.

I have met someone like this before and felt they were creating a ideal persona and pinning it on the celebrity. They couldn’t know what the person was really like so they were turning them into their ideal person.

Yes, not normal behaviour

And to answer your question - I think some support would be helpful. But perhaps don't phrase it as to 'cure' this obsession - it may be a comfort blanket and the thought of it disappearing could be distressing.

Someone to talk to about my feelings has always helped me in all aspects of living with ASD, so it could be similar for your family member.

@WorraLiberty
this person is NOT on mumsnet and I don’t think she uses it, however she did know my previous name (because I told her it). I have tried to tell her it’s not healthy but she gets really upset. Mum has told me to just not talk about it and just sit through the conversation when she brings the person up.
I have posted in mumsnet as I want to see if this is normal or not (although going by the responses I am not wrong)

Does she have much else going on in her life? Could it be the fan page creates interaction with other online people who are happy to chat about this actor? Is it possible she's creating a social calendar surrounding this person's appearances to give some meaning to her time if she doesn't have family/friends/work colleagues to interact with?

I also have ASD so understand Extreme fascinations. I love the RTD era of Doctor Who and watch it twice a year and love to talk to people about it, but I don’t live my life by it.

Does she run a Facebook fan page for said celeb?

Are they very much younger than her, going by the 'child' comment?

I truly hate it when amateurs on MN diagnose ASD.
YABU for that alone.

@allthewaterinthetap
She is late 50s, the actor is mid 30s.

@TheFutureMrsB
No it is a physical website. she spends most of her day updating it “as that’s what God put her on Earth for” 🤦‍♀️

@9PointsOnMyLicence

I truly hate it when amateurs on MN diagnose ASD. YABU for that alone.

I wouldn't say she's an amateur, she has the condition herself.

@9PointsOnMyLicence
I totally understand but as someone who also has ASD I really recognise a lot of her behavioral traits in myself. I also did say I am willing to bet. I didn’t say she definitely has it as only a license psychiatrist can do that.

It isn't normal behaviour. and it's all quite sad really, where does it all end this manic fascination with someone,, I am surprised that any so called celebrities get tied up with this kind of thing.

To be honest whilst it's not necessarily 'healthy behaviour', at least she's not channeling her time and effort into alcohol, drugs, or something that could inflict physical/mental harm to her. I know someone whose a bit obsessed with a couple of celebs. But they do channel that around yearly events of panto, cinema viewings, official set visits of where these actors are. If they didn't do that I don't think they'd have much else going on (I don't mean that to sound awful). But it creates a happiness in their life, and they save up for events/holidays (think Vegas) where these people appear. If they didn't do that I think they'd basically spend their time sat isolated at home. So whilst it's not ideal, it makes them happy and provides some meaning for them. They would certainly not choose to join local clubs/sports/meet up/dating groups.

I completely understand that this celeb brings happiness to this person. She is unemployed, so doesn’t have much of a social life. But I can’t help but find it sad.

I do wish the celebrity would also stop encouraging her. They follow her on Twitter. And keep saying that one day they will go on a lovely day out (this has been said for the last 7 years) In fact the absolute saddest part, in my opinion is the celebrity is only doing this because they find it funny and not because they care about her. I have actually heard that this person isn’t that nice in reality and is actually quite rude and is also known for bullying on set.

It just really sad as a family, almost as if we’re not good enough.

Sad as a family as in you're not good enough for her to not be directing that level of interest towards the family? Or sad that the celeb doesn't see your family as being 'good enough'? Celebs court 'superfans' to an extent because they are superfans and some level of interaction reflects well on them, especially if they're generating interest from running websites and so forth. It serves their best interests to interact with them. But of course they also keep them to a arms length as they also have serious concerns they'll potentially try and harm them. Great for photo ops/twitter/media content to be 'friendly', far less inclined to be within a million miles if they're shitting themselves the nice 'letters/gifts' they receive might come complete with razor blades/bodily fluids.

Yes, she needs help. This is the type of behaviour that turns people into stalkers.