To hate my life and health problems - I feel that they are insurmountable and I will not heal

[NooNooHead]

Hi Mumsnetters...

I have posted about this in another topic but thought I would ask here too, although please be kind as I feel very down about things.

I know that my situation is incredibly unique so I am not going to ask for advice; merely just to let out all my sadness and frustration that I have about my current health problems.

I had my beautiful 2 month old daughter via c-section and was given IV antibiotics which I believe gave me a yeast infection that is now systemic and has become a big problem.

I also have a drug induced neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia (TD) after being given an antipsychotic drug following a breakdown from a head injury and post concussion syndrome 5 years ago. The movements affect my tongue, mouth and face, and are embarrassing and uncomfortable.

The yeast infection seems to have triggered an autoimmune response and some kind of leaky gut syndrome. (I know that some health professionals don't believe in this). Whenever I have tried to get rid of the yeast, it triggers a massive yeast die-off reaction whereby the dyskinesia movements get a lot worse and I end up twitching even more. I seem to be getting new symptoms from the infection every day too; itchy skin and scalp, burning dry eyes, thrush, palpititations, and I have an awful increase in my TD symptoms whenever I try to put a little bit of antifungal medication on or eat foods that attack the yeast. I am not feeling well physically and mentally at all.🥺

I have been eating my low carb diet, trying my best to cut back on the Candida loving foods but in vain.

Every time I eat something, I seem to react to it with a Herx type yeast die-off reaction. I believe that the yeast infection is causing a hormone imbalance which isn't helping my movement disorder, but ridding the yeast infection seems to be making the movement disorder worse too. So, I am in a vicious circle.

My involuntary movements (I have awful constant tongue movements that were never that bad before this) are getting me down on just their own, stealing the joy from my life. Combine these with the candida symptoms and I am feeling in a quite dark place.

I also think that the gut issue is giving me histamine issues too - every time I eat certain foods that are potentially high histamine, I get tingling / burning feelings in my face, legs and arms, not dissimilar to how I felt after having an awful reaction to some Chinese food with MSG in it.

I have seen a neurologist and he had no idea what to advise or suggest.

I don't know what the point of this post is, I guess that I am finding it all incredibly tough to deal with. I feel that I am missing out on the first wonderful few weeks of my newborn, and wanted to vent a bit where I know there will be many kind, non-judgemental people.

AIBU to feel very desperate and despondent about things?

I’m so sorry, that sounds awful. I had a hideous yeast infection a few years back and was finally put on some drugs to get rid of it. The course lasted about ten weeks and the side effects were awful, but it finally went and hasn’t come back.

I can’t add anything about your involuntary movements. Can your GP refer you to another specialist?

No your not being unreasonable and it sounds shit.
Have you seen your neurologist in the past 8 weeks? What did your HV / GP say?

Can't believe anyone has voted yabu.

Yanbu. That sounds horrible. I have absolutely no idea what to suggest. Don't be fobbed off, that was one neurologist, there's others out there.

There's a lot of people out there with all manner of odd or difficult things going on. Yours sounds embarrassing, but you have every right to occupy space that others do. So if you want to get out do it. Otherwise, pamper yourself at home and your baby won't care what you do with your face, they just need you to be there and love and care for them.

Been going through something myself and have been embarrassed of bumping into people who know me. I keep telling myself it doesn't matter if they stare and that if they have to ask me a million questions, I dont have to answer to anyone.

Go enjoy that baby, and rest up.

Thank you all... my neurologist did a blood test which came back normal and it had a normal result for anti basal ganglia antibodies apparently... whatever that means.

I am getting another blood test done at my GP surgery to see about vitamin levels etc and I have requested a swab to see if I still have vaginal thrush. They don't swab for oral thrush usually.

I am not saying my health problems are life and death, and I fully appreciate that I could be a lot worse. I think it is the sheer frustration of having an incurable chronic movement disorder coupled with something else that had been triggered by pregnancy or the c-section/antibiotics that makes me hate my body and its ability to turn against me so much.

I can't even eat things like chocolate now without feeling odd. Plus I seem to have developed awful tinnitus that sounds like a helicopter in my left ear.

Sorry to sound so miserable - I must be a delight to live with...!

The health visitor is lovely and very sympathetic - she seemed to understand why I felt so down.

I have booked an appointment to see a functional doctor who may be able to offer me a more holistic approach. Hopefully if I can reduce the infection and inflammation in my body, my other symptoms will disappear or get better.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I think it's so hard to see any hope for the future when you're going through something like this. I have had a chronic pain condition for 10 years and its only recently improved. In those years there were times when I only survived for the sake of my children. I had no pleasure in life as the constant pain, and having to control what I ate/drank/did meant that my whole life revolved around the condition.

I don't have any specific advice other than to make sure your GP understands how badly its affecting you and make sure that s/he refers you to whoever you need to be referred to. I ended up googling the best specialist for my condition and requesting a referral to her, even though she was 50 miles away. My GP agreed and it was life changing to actually be listened to and have an expert know how to improve my condition.

Just know that life won't always be like this. You do have hope and a future.

Op I really feel for you.

If you can afford to pay privately I would seek a functional/lifestyle medicine practitioner.
Happy to recommend in London, pm me if you’d like.

Have you tried procyclidine for the TD? It's only one element I know, but it may help minimise the symptoms.

Ideally eliminate all candida friendly foods -- vinegar and all pickles; mushrooms, soy, cheese and all fermented foods. No sugar, juice or fruit. Eat lots of plain, live, full fat yoghurt.

That should kill it!

Sympathies op. Dont give up on finding what works and eases your situation.

I'm living with 9 chronic conditions, none are durable. And now an early menopause on top!

Take it one day at a time.

*curable

Totally understand your desperation OP. I have MS which makes me a twitchy bugger. I have pain which will never go and will just keep getting worse. I'm mid relapse and I'm also on chemo drugs for something else.
You will get through this but you need proper medical support to get there. Take someone with you to each appt. It makes Drs take more notice.
X