AIBU to ask for help with 4 yo behaviour?

[Readysetcake]

I just don’t know what to do and it seems to be getting worse.

DD has always been highly emotional and prone to big tantrums and screaming fits. But she is becoming so defiant and a angry and now violent. She regularly hits and kicks out at her 2yo brother when he upsets her. Hits me when I tell her no and slams doors etc. Today she shut a girls fingers in a door at her nursery (I am mortified).

We’ve just moved house and this is a new nursery and she starts school in sept so I know there is a lot going on for her. But I just don’t know what to do, but feel I should know.

Neither sleep well so I’m always tired trying to juggle them in lockdown and work and the house move has made me snappy. But I never hit or slam doors etc and try my hardest to stay calm. But I know I am to blame. Please give me some tips even if I ABU to ask. I’m don’t know where to turn.

You are not ‘to blame’. Lots of changes going on with lockdown and with a new house and a new nursery. 4 year olds can be bloody hard work at the best of times.

4 seems to be a really challenging age especially with lockdown, school starting and lots of change. There is a recent thread on here about 4 year olds which might make you feel better.

Does she get much 1:1 time? I’ve found everyone is much happier if we divide and rule in our house. My 4yo gets very frustrated with her 1yo sister. Mine will occasionally lash out in frustration but there is no malice there really and she loves her to bits. I’d be more concerned about yours as she seems to be hitting you when you say no and the fact it’s happening a lot. That said. it must be very hard for them not to get pissed off and lose it. Babies and toddlers are annoying for adults let alone 4yos whose emotions are all over the place.

She doesn’t get much 1:1 time except bed time where we always read her stories alone. I find that if we divide she will always want me and then I miss out on time with my son. Seems the more 1:1 she gets the more possessive of me she is. She often says she wants to put her brother in the bin.

With the hitting me she is getting better as I just don’t react to it now and walk off and she calms down quickly. But hate she still does it.

I’m going to do something 1:1 with her this weekend and get her dad to do the same. I just don’t know how to react when she plays up at nursery. Ignore it or talk it through ? The more attention I give her bad behaviour the worse it gets like stoking the flames and she zones out when I talk to her. But don’t want to just ignore it.