Advice please

[Redroses35]

I know this topic gets very emotive so will keep brief:
5/6 years of heavy heavy leather balls (not the plastic cheap ones I mean absolutely heavy duty ones) bashing my fence that I own. Kid is not tiny, he is in high school, has very powerful kicks. Often ball is kicked so high it goes to the far end of my garden IN the huge 8ft+ bush. I stayed quiet as didn’t want a fuss.

Come lockdown and maternity I’m home all day everyday. I again Let it go and tried to chill about it March-July but then had a word with mother as was getting ridiculous as one day 4 balls in space of one hour. Not to mention my little toddlers and older child were dodging his balls constantly. I explained the damage being done to property and potential damage to my kids if the powerful kicked ball hits them. She said will have a word. Calmed down massively but again over few weeks at least every few days happening. I’m angry my children could get very hurt. Texted other parent recently hoping it would be solved he was very nice and apologetic - FIRST TIME I have ever gottten an apology btw. The mother then texts me a long worded text which ended with next time do you mind texting me instead as he gets disturbed in work (this was the first time I have ever contacted him btw so didn’t like her reaction. Why not just say sorry will have a word with kids again). I’m still angry at this point as what about all the years I’ve been disturbed with balls coming over and damaging my plants, ornaments not to mention the stress of any minute now another one coming over. I felt her reaction was a little entitled considering I have put with with so many years.

My question now, thanks for bearing with me - Can I buy anything to stop them coming over? My primary concern is my kids safety as I will never forgive myself if my little ones get hurt. I don’t care the price I just need a good solution please

Anyone?

Don’t return the balls?

Do you give them back? If you do, trying stopping. He might be a lot more careful if it means losing the balls

Say you're sorry he was disturbed but if the balls weren't coming over you wouldn't have needed to text. Say you'll text her in the first place if it happens again but if it continues you may have to text him again.

I thing it's fair to point out that contacting her didn't solve the problem.

Puncture every ball that comes over then smile sweetly when they call round for their ball.

Phew! I was bracing myself to get told I’m a horrible teenager hating monster

I have to return balls as feel bad holding onto plus they (more than one kid but can’t give too much info as identifiable then) stand on ladder/something asking for balls back which infuriates me further (not mentioned this to parents as I will sound crazy right? They are obviously aware their kids constantly do this as I hear them in background too chatting away).

Just tell them that you will not be returning them. You have asked them to be more considerate and as they have refused to be so you will not be returning the balls in order to protect your property and children from further harm

Sorry I’m never clear in my OP’s I actually texted her back (after drinking ). I just said “there’s no need to be rude. yes I will in future only contact you”. felt at that point she was being rude maybe not but I felt response was rude. It’s been building up for a while so I just had to get it out. I’m anxious now I probably came across rude myself and over-reacted

I told my neighbours kid, when he started ringing my doorbell to get his ball back, not to. That I would return the ball when I was good and ready, which was always the next day.

Don’t worry about appearing rude, they are being unreasonable.
Just pray that schools go back soon, and that he soon finds a girlfriend to spend all his time on.

When the teenager is up on the ladder (!): “you can have your ball when I’m ready to find it. Could you get down please and stop shouting into garden?”

The thing that is prolonging and maintaining this issue is you and your feelings. You haven’t said anything for years - how were they to know it was an issue? You won’t be firm about returning balls because you “feel bad”. You need to get some assertiveness and confidence from somewhere and start applying some consistent consequences to their behaviour: if the fence is damaged, tell them and tell them either that it needs replacing now and they’re paying (unfair IMO when it’s taken you 8 years to tell them there’s a problem), or that if any further damage is caused from this point they will be responsible for paying for it; tell them that you will return balls but only when it is convenient for you and then make them wait a few days and stick to it EVEN IT FEELS UNCOMFORTABLE.

You can think of other things, but if you make it easy for them he will carry on doing it because they won’t think you’re serious. Stop being wish-washy. Why should you have to buy something to stop the balls coming over?!

Thank you all! Can I just ask insight into one thing that’s bugging me pls - why have the parents not intervened from the start, without me speaking to them? He was younger then when they first moved in and they knew which side was ours as they replaced the other opposite side when they moved in SO why for all those years let him bash their neighbours fence rather than the one they own? Also they aware how many balls coming over and how kids stand on things asking for ball back (like I’m a bloody ball person in Wimbledon that I’m expected to run and fetch their balls) so why not speak to their children?

I am absolutely mortified if my kids do anything and apologetic - they don’t throw balls and don’t stand on chairs. I only have One foam ball and to this day never gone over anyone’s fence. When kids older I will take them to park to kick around a bigger plastic ball. So why gave they never shown any level of neighbourly courtesy to me and stop this being an issue it’s turned into?

Because not everyone does things the same way, some people are selfish arses, some people are oblivious arses, some people do tuff they know they shouldn’t for an easy life especially if the person being inconvenienced doesn’t kick up a fuss.

You’ve got little kids. You’re going to come across a LOT of people who don’t do parenting the same way you do and it’s going to drive you mad. Brace yourself now and don’t assume that everyone is considerate - whether they’re neighbours or parents!

Do you have a hubby or partner that could have a word for you ?
I understand your frustration as I’ve been there too.
School holidays, weekends and light evenings are a nightmare.

Oh, and also, not everything that bothers you will bother other people. They may genuinely not care about balls being kicked against fences of going over into gardens, and may genuinely not give a monkeys if it was being done to them.

You didn’t tell them there was a problem and left it for years. They may well have had a conversation that went along the lines of “if they’re bothered about it they’ll come round”.

You can’t assume that everyone thinks like you.

@Elastins thank you! DH is also always telling me not everyone thinks the same way I do. I find it baffling why people don’t deal with little things sooner before they become issues. I am always thinking ahead even to the point of when I don’t really need to and I’m just being over-analytical of my actions or kids actions. I just find it so simply obvious that you need to keep neighbours sweet as you obviously live right next to them and can’t avoid like you can friends or family after a fall out! How awkward is life if you have fallout with neighbours, that’s why I don’t see why problems don’t get nipped in the bud there and then. Even if they apologised from the start I would have less resentment and be more understanding of kids needing to play and go inside when the football noises start.

The can’t be oblivious they must have told him to not kick their new fence but obviously stayed quiet when he kicked my fence and in my mind preferred their fence staying lovely and mine being bashed instead.

Maybe it's just me, but we have 3 boys in one side, 2 on the other. They all know just to come over and get their balls back themselves if they need to as we don't always know which side it came from to throw it back. It doesn't happen too often but then again I get on well with my neighbours so maybe it just doesn't irritate me as much?

@Ajahd but don’t you worry if you have a baby and a toddler in particular that they can get hurt with such a powerful kicked heavy ball? There not plastic ones I would play with as a child but very heavy leather looking. I’ve picked them enough times to know how heavy that ball kicked into my child would cause a serious injury

@ajahd

Having five boys coming into a garden to collect balls they’d thrown over would annoy most people I think!! Don’t they damage your fence climbing over?

@NewIdeasToday thank you! I was sat here feeding baby and doubt creeping in that maybe I am getting annoyed for no reason. I suffer really badly with lack of boundaries.

Op, when dealing with neighbours I find sending my husband round usually solves the issue, not that I'm a feeble female needing a males protection, far from it but my I've found that behind every unreasonable female neighbour is a moaning husband winding her up..."you tell her this, you tell her that". Loading the gun but too scared to fire the bullets. You are100% correct, why should your fence, garden, children potentially be damaged, you haven't said anything for 8 years because in that time their kids haven't been powerful enough to cause that much damage damage they are now and they are of an age to understand actions have consequences. I do appreciate how I sound about not dealing myself, I just have awful entitled neighbours and hours of reasonable dialogue from me was just a waste of time, a word from the male in the house and calm returned. Patriarchy at its worst

Hammer up a lot of trellis to grow climbing plants on your side of the fence with sharp nails poking through the other side to impale balls. Puncture every ball that lands in your garden. That'll stop it

Hey just twats. I only let my kids use light weight plastic ones (and kids moan so much) in the back due to fence damage, going over the fence. When they go over they stay there until neighbour throws them back. They are not allowed to ask. If they loose all the balls then tough, they have to wait.

Lose not loose