4 month old ear piercing

Bearsmami · 2020-08-05T01:22:17+00:00

Aibu to want to wait till shes old enough a couple relatives including her dad want me to get them pierced soon as they think it's better its normal in our culture but i dont see the point in making her cry for some earrings apparently im being over protective and unreasonable.

Original poster

Bearsmami · 05/08/2020 02:23

Old enough to ask like i did at age 7 *

OP posts:

Marnie76 · 05/08/2020 02:25

Don’t do it. Unless it’s for health reasons there is no reason to inflict pain on a child. I really wish this would be illegal until the child is of an age that they can consent.

Marnie76 · 05/08/2020 02:28

And before anyone says it, yes I know it’s part of some people’s cultures but cultures do change over the years

DorthyTyler · 05/08/2020 02:30

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steff13 · 05/08/2020 02:35

I'd wait. It's not as though you'll miss the window to have it, it can be done whenever.

DeRigueurMortis · 05/08/2020 02:41

A lot of things are/were "normal" in many cultures - until they weren't...

I see absolutely no reason to inflict pain on a child for "cosmetic" reasons whatsoever.

Put simply, it's rightly considered that smacking a child is wrong, but apparently punching holes in their ears is ok .

RonaldMcDonald · 05/08/2020 02:57

Examine how important it is to your husband culturally, What pressure family can apply, Examine your reluctance
Make time and communicate with each other
Listen and speak - realising that neither parent owns the child
Make a plan

SuperSange · 05/08/2020 03:46

FGM is normal in some cultures. You're the parent, what you say goes. It's not up to them. Grow a backbone, because otherwise the interference won't stop there.

IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 · 05/08/2020 04:03

Ear piercing is not painful when done properly. But why do this to a child who has no say in the matter? It's like FGM and circumcision - I had mine done (ear piercing) when I was 14 and had saved my pocket money for it. Please don't let it be a "cultural" or "family" decision.

Topttumps · 05/08/2020 04:31

Defo wait till child can decide. At least 11 plus imo.

Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 05/08/2020 05:05

4 months is so young, and the baby will feel uncomfortable if she sleeps on her side while they are healing. They could also get infected. Honestly I wouldn’t even consider it.

steff13 · 05/08/2020 05:37

I hadn't thought of it before, but ear piercing is exactly like female genital mutilation. Once removed or otherwise maimed, the clitoris can grow back with virtually no damage done, just like when you get your ears pierced. No, that's not right. It must be because the purpose of piercing a girl's ears is so she remains a virgin and is more likely to find a husband. Wait, that's not it, either. It's almost as though there is virtually no similarity between the practice at all. 🤷

Comparing female genital mutilation to ear piercing vastly diminishes the horror of it. Female genital mutilation is a method of controlling women. It's irreversible, it can cause lifelong health issues, and it's a human rights violation. Ear piercing is not comparable.

Sheenais · 05/08/2020 06:03

@steff13

I hadn't thought of it before, but ear piercing is exactly like female genital mutilation. Once removed or otherwise maimed, the clitoris can grow back with virtually no damage done, just like when you get your ears pierced. No, that's not right. It must be because the purpose of piercing a girl's ears is so she remains a virgin and is more likely to find a husband. Wait, that's not it, either. It's almost as though there is virtually no similarity between the practice at all. 🤷

Comparing female genital mutilation to ear piercing vastly diminishes the horror of it. Female genital mutilation is a method of controlling women. It's irreversible, it can cause lifelong health issues, and it's a human rights violation. Ear piercing is not comparable.

THIS^ totally. It is just so offensive and ignorant to compare ear piercing to FGM or child abuse.

Ohtherewearethen · 05/08/2020 06:17

What cultural significance does it hold for your husband? Is it just a case of 'everybody does it' because they like the look of it so everybody else does it too? Or can he offer some deep, meaningful symbolism or cultural connection as to why he wants to punch holes in your baby's ears, causing all sorts of pain and fear? The cultural excuse does not wash with me I'm afraid. There is no reason good enough to put your baby through that just because his family and friends think it looks better. Ear piercing should be banned in under 5s.

AlwaysCheddar · 05/08/2020 06:21

Babies with pierced ears is awful.

blackandwhite2020 · 05/08/2020 06:25

Personally, it's a no for me for so many reasons, however...
I've had friends who have done it with their children and said it's better because there was no 'fear' when getting it done and it's so quick there were no tears and also because they weren't aware there's been no playing with it so it's healed lovely etc etc.
Do you think there will be a point where family and hubby will just get it done without your knowledge? I've heard if this a few times so be prepared for this to happen just as a worst case scenario.

X

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 05/08/2020 07:01

Why do it at all rather than do it early so there's no fear?! Wait until she's a teenager and she can have it done if she asks, she's unlikely to cry then, but also remember some people are perfectly happy to go through their whole life without holes in their ears. People don't pierce baby boys, just the girls, teach them young you have to put yourself through pain/discomfort to look appealing to wider society......

SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/08/2020 08:13

Oh my god. Whoever compares a freaking ear piercing to FGM you are a fucking moron.

OP, I am for earrings at any age as long as done by medical or a properly trained professionals (no, not Claire's), but ultimately it's up to you two.

Unfortunately, there is no middle ground here. You either do it, or not. But that doesn't mean one should say what will happen without a proper discussion. Ignore other relatives and others, this is between you and DP. Discuss it, each put your points forward, agree on one way.

Boom45 · 05/08/2020 08:18

I went against tradition and didnt get my baby's ears pierced, everyone was very confused when I took her to spain without earrings so I do get the pressure but I didnt want to.
However. Can people stop comparing it to FGM. That is horribly offensive and inaccurate.

Daisychains20 · 05/08/2020 08:21

This subject comes up a lot on here and to be honest I am not sure where I stand on it.

My mother had my ear pieced when I was a baby and as a adult I am glad she did it as I am baby when it comes to pain so doubt I would have had them done as a older child or adult. We had a discussion a few years ago about it and my mother said she regrets doing it and it should have been my choice, but years ago it was a done thing I told her I was pleased she had done it which made her feel better.

Personally think 4 months is too Young I would wait.

MrsSSG · 05/08/2020 08:23

Way too young! She's a tiny little baby.

And it's a pandemic, so just no.

vodkaredbullgirl · 05/08/2020 08:23

Ignore them and don't do it.

Mintychoc1 · 05/08/2020 08:29

I don’t think people are meaning to imply that ear piercing and FGM are similar. I think the comparison is being used to illustrate that just because something is a cultural tradition, it doesn’t make it acceptable.

Mischance · 05/08/2020 08:30

How have I got through my whole life so far with my ear lobes intact?

This is a wholly unnecessary procedure and should be illegal in my view, until a child is of an age to make that choice.

Just say NO. It makes me shudder to think about it. A perfect little baby having holes put in it.....yuk!

BurtsBeesKnees · 05/08/2020 08:32

My dd got hers done at 12 which I think it fine. I think let the child decide, can't see the point in a young baby tbh