How to deal with my sister in laws new friendship.

[GJ14]

I would never dictate who someone could be friends with. I’m usually pretty chill. Don’t usually have a bad word to say about anyone.

So I’m quite close to my sister in law. She’s a couple years older than me! She has recently got a new job and has become quite close to a girl I went to school with. She was a complete t**t in school. I get on with most people but she was awful & nasty to me and others. I know this was 10+ year’s ago but I struggle to get past what people were like in school when they were bullies. I’ve seen some of her social media. She still seems like a bit of a nightmare - bitchy, drama, falling out with people etc.

I would never tell sil not to see her friend or anything like that, that’s not me. Nor have I mentioned it to sil. I mean it sounds ridiculous not liking somebody from 10 years ago isn’t it?

How do I deal with this myself? Sil is always at this girls house, staying there etc (not sure why), out with her etc. They’ve become quite close. I mean I don’t do much with sil really. Sometimes we go out with dc. Sil doesn’t have children but her new friend does. I’m worried she’ll suggest meeting up with them or something - not a bleddy chance.

Aibu to not want to cross paths with this girl and avoid it at all costs or do I sound silly?

Aibu to not forget how people behaved at secondary school?

If spending time with this woman ever comes up, I would tell your SIL the truth. You knew her in school and she was very unkind, therefore you will not be associating with her in any way, shape or form.

Does this girl know that your sister-in-law is related to you?

I’m not sure if she knows who I am. a he’s the type of girl that she upset that many people she probably doesn’t remember who! We were never friends or anything.

I am certain sil would probably have mentioned her brother (my hubby), me and the kids. We are quite close and she’s a fab aunty!

She’s

If she ever comes up in conversation, just tell your SIL what you've written here. You don't need to make space for anyone to be in your life who makes you feel this way. She may have changed seems unlikely but you can make it plain that you don't want to know 💐

Well if you would never tell your sil who to be friends with or not then there's nothing to do.

If she ever comes up in conversation you could always say "oh she was a complete cunt to me in school, an absolute out and out bully".

Don't project forward to a time when you might be invited to meet-up. But if you are, the above comment applies equally.

Honestly she probably doesn’t remember being a bully or if she does she feels bad about it now.
Just remember hurt people tend to hurt people so although it is no excuse there would have been a reason she was a bitch and telling your SIL might make your SIL feel more sorry for her than you especially if she is nice now.

I would tell your SIL you know her from school but not go into details. If this is something that effects you today then I think if you do happen to meet this girl it would do you good as you will realise you are much stronger than the child you were back then.

I think this shows how a bully’s behaviour can impact on someone years later. I can imagine how seeing your sister in law being good friends with this woman could take you right back to those high school feelings.
I absolutely don’t blame you for wanting nothing to do with this woman. I would definitely tell your sister in law, if she brings her up in conversation. Don’t allow this to spoil your relationship with your SIL 💐

If she mentions her to you I would also very calmly say " oh yes, I remember her, a really nasty person who was deeply unpleasant to me. She probably won't remember me, she was awful to so many people. I haven't any interest in meeting her again".

Do you have the kind of relationship with your SIL where you can say what your experiences were with this other person, without telling her she (SIL) should or should not be friends? Your SIL will make her own decision, but if things turn out badly, you may well be confronted with "You knew all along what she was like and you didn't tell me" Or just tell your SIL that you knew the other person in school and see if your SIL asks questions..