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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get really cross with toddler sometimes?

15 replies

IsThisTheKrustyKrab · 03/08/2020 22:31

Hi all.

DD is almost 18 months and a delight 90% of the time. However, she's currently going through a stage of flatly refusing to go to sleep until ridiculous o'clock at night. She just doesn't seem tired! Once she is asleep she won't wake up, but it's getting her to sleep that's the pain.

My partner is working night shifts at the moment so it's just me who has to deal with the nightly shenanigans. And I admit I got quite cross with her tonight. Sad It was 10pm and I'd been trying to get her to sleep since 7:30pm. She was whinging because she was tired, yet was still flatly refusing to go to sleep! I admit I snapped and said to her 'Will you bloody well go to sleep?!!'. I didn't shout but I said it quite aggressively through gritted teeth, almost growled it Sad

She didn't even notice, just carried on whinging for a bit but then finally fell asleep, but I feel awful now. I feel awful that I got cross with her when she wasn't even really being naughty.

Please say I'm not the only one who has done this? Or am I really that bad of a mum? Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
IsThisTheKrustyKrab · 03/08/2020 22:43

Bump

OP posts:
Mmmmycorona · 03/08/2020 22:52

You are not a bad mum. My dd is 2 and just recently she has really found her feet with her independence. Which is great, except everything has turned into a battle.

I get cross but I calm myself down as I know it will do no good in the situation.

You wouldn’t be a normal mum if you didn’t get frustrated at times.

As for the sleeping, dd went through this. She has just started going to bed at a normal bed time again.

Sally872 · 03/08/2020 22:56

Long bedtimes are rubbish and hard. I would definitely loose my patience once in a while. Whispering angrily isn't bad.

Marlena1 · 03/08/2020 23:00

Ah here! I've said a lot worse. Whatever gets you through. You can get her counselling of she still remembers in adulthoodGrin

MsEllany · 03/08/2020 23:02

Seriously?! Give yourself a break dude.

Original poster
IsThisTheKrustyKrab · 03/08/2020 23:04

Thanks all for putting it into perspective! Perhaps I'm being a little hard on myself but I felt so cross for just that split second!

OP posts:
Colom · 03/08/2020 23:09

You are not the only one! I've said worse and have had ALL the guilt. I soothe myself with the knowledge that I'm a fairly "gentle" parent 98% of the time but yes, I've been partial to a menacing "growl" when pushed to my limits (always involved some level of sleep deprivation - there's a reason it's used as a torture method).

At least your DD didn't notice, my DC always notice and their reaction would quadruple the guilt you feel now. Sad

hammeringinmyhead · 03/08/2020 23:11

DS has been doing this for a month (he is 21 months). It's down to half an hour of sitting in his room reading while he falls asleep now but it was taking 2 hours and involved screaming, him throwing things and banging his head on the wall so I definitely muttered a few choice words Grin

Halo1234 · 03/08/2020 23:12

Relax. Totally normal. No harm done. She won't remember it. Can relate to why u did it. U recognise its not ideal parenting but even mums cant be perfect all the time. Would be concerned if u thought that was OK but u don't. You will have moments of frustration. You are only human afterall. Nothing that bad happend forgive yourself.

MuchTooTired · 03/08/2020 23:14

Absolutely give yourself a break! Toddlers are hard going a lot of the time sometimes during the day, but particularly frustrating when they take forever to fall asleep.

I think most people have done it, I certainly have! I’ve also muttered all manner of sweary words away from them to vent my frustration so I can go back in to be a calm mama.

Twigletfairy · 03/08/2020 23:18

It's normal. I think it is good for children to see that adults get cross too and it is harder to do the right thing when cross. My 3 year old says 'take a deep breath mummy' which normally just pisses me off even more, but it's a reminder that our children mimic our behaviour.

So if your child recognises your cross but you still manage to reason with them without raising your voice, it teaches them how to behave when theyre cross.

That's what I tell myself anyway and I'm sticking to it

spottygymbag · 03/08/2020 23:48

I remember this all to well from my first around that age. DH travelled a lot for work and by the end of the night I was done in and found it tough going after a long day.
I'd have the odd scream into a pillow (down a hallway, behind 2 closed doors so DD didn't hear) then take a deep breath and go back to repeatedly re-settle her. She did grow out of it and, for us, keeping the routine and boundaries helped over the longer term. We were always there and offered comfort but did have boundaries around it being bedtime, not playtime, and that part was not negotiable.
My SIL once told me that the best thing you can do is to to just try your hardest to be who they need you to be in that moment and I found that way more helpful than any of the books/sleep consultants etc.

spottygymbag · 03/08/2020 23:51

@twigletfairy my 3yo does this too "ok guys everyone just needs to take a breath. There's a lot feelings at the moment"
Agree that they can learn positive ways to cope with feelings from us even when it's not all sunshine and rainbows!

KnitFastDieWarm · 03/08/2020 23:52

Oh mate, we’ve all done it! Smile she’s loved and safe, you just hit the end of your tether! Tomorrow is another day Flowers

NobodysNuffin · 04/08/2020 01:27

I take it you haven't seen this yet.

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