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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have attended this birthday

48 replies

ROZRAX · 03/08/2020 18:36

Hi all

Long time lurker.

I recently, last weekend, attended a friends birthday in a garden, with three other couples. Low key affair. Ordered pizza and left by 5pm- driving. Two of us have children around 12 months old. My DS has recently started nursery, in the past 6 weeks, but was sent home from nursery the Tuesday before the weekend gathering due to a “rising temperature”. Due to current measures he wasn’t able to return until he’d had a COVID test, me and DH also had one. It turns out a few of the babies were ill and off too with the same requests for tests. We monitored his temperature since he came home from nursery and it was never high again, he was eating and drinking normally. He was congested/snotty. I also felt a tad rough but not unwell enough to not work etc. We all received negative COVID tests before the day of the gathering and as such attended. All the other parents at nursery reported negative tests too. He returned to nursery on the Tuesday after the weekend, they’re closed Friday and we couldn’t notify them of the negative test before they opened Monday.

A week after the gathering the other mum has text to say I’m selfish as her, her baby and husband have been ill (Symptoms described aren’t the snotty nose ones we had) and that we shouldn’t have come to the party and she wouldn’t have done if she was in the same situation. She insisted my son has vomited whilst at the gathering, he didn’t he coughed up the pizza he shoved in his mouth.

Was I wrong to attend when we had monitored his temp (and ours), had a COVID test which was negative and DS wasn’t presenting unwell in the 4 days since he came home from nursery.

Thanks

OP posts:

oblada · 03/08/2020 19:22

I'm pretty sure the test removes the need to isolate for 14 days - that's the point of the test, especially for employers.
Also the symptoms are high temperature, cough, loss of smell. Here it seems the OP's child had a mild temperature and a snotty nose. Not covid 19...

tootiredtothinkofanewname · 03/08/2020 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ivfdreaming · 03/08/2020 19:26

Putting aside the negative Covid test you knowingly went to a party with others when you had ALL been unwell (not to mention half the bloody nursery) so must have been contagious whatever you had. Irrelevant of Covid you've been selfish in spreading germs to others - especially ones that are similar to covid and then spreads panic and causes people to have to go get tested and possibly miss out on work/pay and disrupts THEIR lives whilst they wait for the results

SamSeabornforPresident · 03/08/2020 19:27

The guidelines clearly state that you self isolate until you test negative. If you still have symptoms you continue to self isolate, if you don't, you don't. If the child hadn't had symptoms for 4 days and had tested negative there is absolutely No need to self isolate.

TooDamnSarky · 03/08/2020 19:27

Apologise. I was wrong. They clearly need to update the main info page if this is the intention.

tinierclanger · 03/08/2020 19:32

Kudos to @TooDamnSarky for being the first ever person on the internet to admit they were wrong on something

Thislittlelady · 03/08/2020 19:34

She’s just being a Whinger. You had negative test before attending so what’s the problem? You haven’t broken ANY guidelines. She obviously caught it from somewhere else- perhaps someone else at the party??? That’s like blaming you that they all caught hep c even though you tested negative for it. Ridiculous. Don’t bother yourself about it.

toastfiend · 03/08/2020 19:36

My son's nursery are allowing children back after a temperature or cough so long as they've had a negative test (and the temperature is gone, but that was obviously standard before Covid anyway). DS had a snotty head cold a couple of weeks ago. No temperature but a slight cough (caused by postnatal drip I think). We kept him off nursery for a couple of days, did the test as requested, it came back negative, he went back to nursery (as did all the other kids who'd caught it as well), as advised by the nursery, and DH went back to work, as advised by his work. There'd be no point doing the tests if we were all meant to self-isolate for the full 2 weeks anyway even after a negative test.

OP, I think your friend was being very unreasonable. You'd had a negative test, there are still all the usual bugs etc. around as before, she may well not have caught it from you anyway, especially if your symptoms were different.

EleanorOalike · 03/08/2020 19:39

Part of being a good friend is having the decency to stay away from things you don’t need to be at if you have an infectious illness.

People are banging on about Covid and it’s actually irrelevant, except for the fact that you’ve now inconvenienced the entire family by passing on your germs and ensuring they now have to self isolate and get tested.

If you are ill or if your child is ill it’s so rude to attend a party. She’s got every right to be fuming at you.

HoneyBee03 · 03/08/2020 19:44

I think the other mum massively overreacted and you've not done anything wrong. It sounds like you've been really careful.

Thislittlelady · 03/08/2020 19:45

In the event that you test positive you must self isolate for ten months but if you test
Negative don’t self isolate unless your test was in the sixth day of feeling unwell out of the fifteen days that you were unwell but not before the tenth day even though you started to feel better. A negative test is only negative if after 3 lanthanides we test you again but not before the end of the second month and not after the tenth of the same month. If you test positive you need to isolate for fifteen years unless you then subsequently feel better after the fifth day in which case you will test negative. And then you can go back to work. But not if the negative test was taken before 1Pm but no later than 11 am in which case your negative was actually a positive. ......... wash your hands wear a mask be sensible. For the love of Christ we will never get through this if people don’t start being responsible and realising that there ARE STILL OTHER ILLNESSES OUT THERE. NOT EVERYTHING IS COVID!!!

nicky7654 · 03/08/2020 19:49

The woman is out of order! Take no notice x

Argggghhneedclarity · 03/08/2020 19:50

I think you should have stayed at home

OverTheRainbow88 · 03/08/2020 19:52

@Thislittlelady

That would be a lonely 10 months!!

Riv · 03/08/2020 20:39

There seems to be two issues here.
a) your covid / infection status and
b) the number of people you met at the party.
As far as my reading of the advice (which I find far from clear) You have followed guidelines re your infection status. It's OK once you have had a negative test as long as you don't have any further symptoms.
However; it seems that you have broken the rules by attending the party anyway. You say there were three other couples and their children - so at least 8 adults. The rules say you can: " socialise indoors with members of up to 2 households
A bubble that is considered as one household is a single person who lives alone (and their children if they have any) plus a family that lives together. You can only be in one bubble exclusively and you can not change bubbles.

Riv · 03/08/2020 20:43

sorry posted by accident before finishing:

you can also: socialise outdoors in a group of up to 6 people from different households or up to 2 households.

You were outdoors but had more than 6 people and more than two households - so didn't come in to either "safe" category.

OverTheRainbow88 · 03/08/2020 20:45

you can also: socialise outdoors in a group of up to 6 people from different households or up to 2 households.

You were outdoors but had more than 6 people and more than two households - so didn't come in to either "safe" category.

But you can meet 6 different friends throughout the whole day making the whole thing pointless.

katy1213 · 03/08/2020 20:52

If you're negative, it's a non-issue. And given the heatwave, I should think we all have temperatures.

WhenAWrenVisits · 03/08/2020 21:14

Yabu. You are allowed to go out if you test negative, but it was selfish to pass on any kind of cough, cold or bug right now. It creates a lot of unnecessary hassle particularly for parents of small children who need to go to work. You’ve caused a difficult week for your friend. I’d explain how you didn’t think you were contagious but accept that u were obviously wrong and apologise that she’s now got a child who can’t go to nursery and having to covid test her whole household etc. Surely you regret that they are ill and having to be tested even if it’s not covid?

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 03/08/2020 21:22

There are more things than Covid that I wouldn't want to catch so that aside you shouldn't have gone.
Also the party broke current government guidelines because there were too many people there.

sunrainwind · 03/08/2020 21:30

You did nothing wrong - especially if the other guests knew the situation.

user1493413286 · 03/08/2020 21:38

If everyone knew the situation then you aren’t being unreasonable to have gone; at that age I would let people know if my DD had a cold before meeting up with other kids although in the years since me and my friends are much more relaxed as we’d never see each other if we didn’t meet up when a child had a snotty nose. In terms of Covid you tested negative so I don’t see the issue. Kids get random temperatures and coughs and colds all the time especially when starting nursery and they pass it to parents; if we isolate every time that happens then parents of toddlers would never go out.

MsTSwift · 03/08/2020 21:45

On one reading of the rules it was not literally wrong and am not criticising you but morally and in the circumstances you would have been better not going. You have exposed yourself to unpleasant hassle - I am sure any fun you had at the party is negated by the aftermath. In the current climate if any perceived risk don’t go as not worth it

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