Friend driving me insane

[rubicona]

Friend is pregnant and driving me a bit nuts. I have a 2 year old. She texts me every day asking about baby stuff, which nappies, asking how much she can drink, how much caffeine she can have, which car seat to buy, etc etc. It's every, single day about 3/4x a day. I get she's excited, I am excited for her, but not sure how to calm her down re the constant texting. She even wants to share nannies, or if I move to a local childminder, wants me to let her know so she can use the same one. I know I don't have ownership over childminders but I really just don't want this.

Am I being awful? Think I'm just exhausted by lockdown and my toddler...

Lift shares? Answer : No that’s not going to fit in with our day.

Nanny share: we’re really fine with our current arrangement thanks

Google grey rock technique, as well

I get she's excited, I am excited for her, but not sure how to calm her down re the constant texting

Incredibly easy. Just stop responding - do it gradually if you want to be kind about it, leaving longer and longer gaps after each text.

When she asks for general advice, caffine, food etc just ignore the message for ages and then say, "A quick Google will tell you all this general stuff, it's funny how quick you forget all that sort of stuff so definitely better off looking up advice yourself" on the nanny thing just say "Honestly Ann no, I really don't want to share a nanny/child minder, stuff like that can be a recipe for disaster, I keep that sort of stuff separate from all friends/family, it's just my preference"

Why are you friends? Sounds like you don't actually want to be.

Re your childcare, tell her shes full to capacity.

The full capacity is a good idea but seeing that the babies not even born yet she might want the nanny to let her know if a place opens up.

Maybe say there’s no rush to get a nanny and take your time to look around at different ones as mine isn’t suitable for everyone so I’d feel guilty if you weren’t happy with her - or something!

Sounds really annoying!

“Ah gosh, I think nannies are like jobs.....never do them with friends. I value your friendship too much to risk falling out over a many share but I found the lea really helpful, why don’t you look there?”

Also I would take my time replying and give a couple of I’m not sure replies

Suggestions of 'sharing' which are based on her benefitting from your set-up, are doomed.

Sharing works if it's offered by the one who has something to offer. You stand only to lose an arrangement that you set up, changing which would not benefit you in the slightest, just so she can ride on your coat tails.

I fear this message bombardment is aimed at wearing you down so you agree to something you don't really want to. That'll be a no, then.

Good tips above, and don't feel guilty!!

I would say “I’ve passed your number to my nanny, she’ll call you in the New Year if she thinks she’ll have some days free.”

If she says, oh but I though we could share, ““no that wouldn’t work for us.” Do not say sorry or go into detail!

You've just got to be clear, but jolly, that you don't want to do x y z.

'i don't really want to nanny share, as I like my child to see different children socially '

'I don't know what the current guidance is. Have you got an up to date book?'

Stop feeling guilty, be nice, but annoyingly unhelpful!

Just tell her you don't fancy a nanny share but childcare.co.uk has lots of childminders and nannies with parent reviews on that she could have a look at.

I'd not want to share a nanny with a friend either.

The advice stuff just reply less often and by pointing her towards other avenues of info.

Facebook baby groups are a big thing now that I found fab with my youngest but weren't a thing when I was pregnant with eldest. Perhaps suggest she joins a Feb2021 (or whatever her due date is) baby group on Facebook.

Definitely don't do a nanny share - I predict that will entail her wanting her baby to be looked after in your house, while the nanny looks after your dc. Nanny sharing only works if it's like a normal job share, with nanny working different days in different houses and there is no connection or crossover.
I'd text back to her that you can't nanny share because you specifically chose a nanny so that your dc get one to one attention, so sharing wouldn't work for you. I'd answer her general questions with 'I think baby can do/eat X or Y, but advice changes frequently so you'd best check with midwife'. But only answer when it suits you to. If she doesn't get an immediate response, she will learn to look elsewhere for information.

Can't you just text back " Please stop swamping me with texts. "

Nanny may have plans of her own.
Find her a good ''baby book'' on Amazon and send it to her.
You don't really like her now anyway or you would not feel like this.

Why is she contacting nannies at 8 weeks?

By the time her child is ready to go to have a nanny (7 more months pregnancy and say 9 months maternity leave) you'll be a good year down the line and your child will hopefully be in 3+ childcare?

Or does she want a nanny from birth?

She sounds very annoying but she is excited and she obviously values your opinions

@thehop
This text.

She could possibly be a real thorn in your side.
Absolutely no way would I entertain someone so obtuse sharing a Nanny.

OP, she could give a damn about you or your feelings.
Don't go there.. rip the plaster off.. send @Hops text and be done with it.

Do NOT risk a Nanny/childminder relationship for someone like this.

You will hugely regret ìt if you do.