F**king Fed up

[bluebella4]

Anyone else?

Same thing everyday, cook, clean, make sure kids havent damaged themselves or they arent turning out like brats!

Ive also started up a business and had to turn a few clients away because I'm only working certain days because I cant afford childcare. Husband living a life of fecking luxury. I like to refer to myself as Cinderella without the fecking ending..
I want to SCREAM!!!

Please, please, give me some ideas to change my daily routine.

Husband living a life of fecking luxury

... that's your problem.

ANY responsibilities regarding house seems to be left up to me!

Is he actually living a life of luxury or are you viewing it through a lens of resentment? Like how I get pissy with DH when he's working upstairs in peace while I'm swamped with DC downstairs, he's not actually relaxing because he's working but I still have my moments of "lucky bastard" resentment when I'mfeeling particularly stressed out.

On the other hand if he is actually living the life of luxury then this is something you need to address.

I do feel you on the fucking fed up front though. I have a mountain of laundry to sort, the food shopping is about to arrive, I need to start sorting out what to make for tea, and the 3yo is currently naked and screaming on the bathroom floor because she wants to go to the bastarding park

@kitty I love it.. Your house sounds just as crazy as mine! Well I do, do everything in the house. I sort kids etc too. While juggling my own work. He goes to work 8/9 hours a day. Comes home, will offer to cook but the ask what will he cook, how long does it take to cook. To be fair, I suppose he tries but that only if he hasn't anything on. So the house or me needing him isnt priority. If that makes sense.

[quote bluebella4]@kitty I love it.. Your house sounds just as crazy as mine! Well I do, do everything in the house. I sort kids etc too. While juggling my own work. He goes to work 8/9 hours a day. Comes home, will offer to cook but the ask what will he cook, how long does it take to cook. To be fair, I suppose he tries but that only if he hasn't anything on. So the house or me needing him isnt priority. If that makes sense.[/quote]
Have you spoken to him about needing more help?

It sounds like he needs it spelling out for him exactly what help you need, particularly because it seems you're carrying most of the mental load right now and even when he does help you're having to giving him instructions.

Yup! Over and over again. I begining to loose it. It's a constant game if who's the most exhausted. Then I end off either loosing my shit or just get on with it.

I love the bones of the man but Im not sure how much more I can give or take. I'm compromising myself, all the time.

I’ve read a lot of threads like this and they always end up in the DH receiving a ton of abuse!

I have my own DH who does about 20% of the house/child/life admin workload. This is not because he is incapable, he’s very capable but he simply doesn’t have the same standards and approach as me and it stresses me out!

He will wait until we run out of food before replacing it.
He will buy ‘new and exciting’ food items at the shops and have no back up when nobody likes them.
He will leave DS until he screams before he picks him up.
He will do ALL of the laundry/dishwasher loads on one day after building them up!
He will leave gift buying to the Very last minute.

Non of these things make him incompetent or lazy, it’s just a different approach that I don’t enjoy!

Is your DH lazy? Or do you prefer to do things your own way so always step in? Xx

@bluebella4

Yup! Over and over again. I begining to loose it. It's a constant game if who's the most exhausted. Then I end off either loosing my shit or just get on with it.

I love the bones of the man but Im not sure how much more I can give or take. I'm compromising myself, all the time.

Sounds like he doesn't respect you, or your time, at all. I wouldn't live like that.

I would agree with you with regards to abuse been thrown out. He sounds like your DH. He has a completely different approach buuuuut I think there needs to be a balance now that I'm working. He's not grasping this. Its infuriating. I get up 3 days at 5 to go to the gym, I'm back at 6:30, I still have to waken and sort the boys to go to the childminders, he gets up, makes his breakfast,does his lunch.

It's a constant game if who's the most exhausted. Then I end off either loosing my shit or just get on with it. I love the bones of the man but Im not sure how much more I can give or take. I'm compromising myself, all the time.

If you carry on behaving the same, you're going to get the same results. If you love each other, why not talk about it. Say, "we're both knackered. We can't continue like this. Shall we do something about it?".

Also, if he offers to cook tea, take him up on the offer. "Thank you darling, I would really appreciate that". If he asks what's for tea, "whatever you choose, I'm just grateful I don't have to think about it tonight".

Okay, so he's said he's willing to make dinner. But then defaults to you having to think about it. So how about in the morning, you tell him he's on dinner duty and that he has the day to think about it/plan. Or, tell him he's on dinner duty and what he's making and then that's it.

I'd also be sitting him down to highlight how bad things are for you and asking what he thinks he can do to make it better. If he takes a couple of things off your plate, and sticks to it, it opens the door to improvements.

Not that i'm a fan of this level of infantilising of grown men as a rule, but sometimes small steps are necessary to make bigger changes.

Agh...

Communicate more effectively with your DH. Take things off your to-do list and hand them to him. BlingLoving has it to a t - he is saying he'll do it, but then it ends up back in your to do list, so bat it back over to him. He has to make the dinner. He has to do X or Y.

Also that loose shit sounds terrifying, hope you've found time for yourself to speak to someone about it.