How to stop being so sensitive with friends

[TequilaSunrise39]

I know there is a time and a place, nobody is perfectly happy and chilled all the time and never annoyed or upset ever, that's not realistic.
But I've noticed that i'm often feeling people are out to get me or are being harsh, and that I take everything badly.

Before coronavirus we were at a wedding and 2 friends made harsh comments to me they would not have made sober.
2 other friends have this sort of jokey humour where they make digs at you but it's only meant to be joking. Like I sent one a thriller/horror story and she joked whether others were aware I had such a warped mind.
Or jokes about 'what I used to do in school' 20 years ago, because I held my pen in a certain way or whatever, and I just take it all personally.

I have a sense of humour and like to joke but never at the expense of others. Or one friend who is very dismissive and only talks about themselves.

I have other friends who don't do this at all.

Anyway, when I repeat this stuff to people they are like "Wow your friends are assholes" but maybe it's just me making them sound that way. I don't want to end up in this 'woe is me' mindset and as if everyone is out to get me.

I have a boyfriend who is very sweet and caring and I don't want to drive him away.

Does it sound like i'm being too sensitive ?

OP - they sound like absolute bitches. What kind of friend repeatedly upsets her friend in the name of a (stupid) “joke”?
On your wedding day????
Ditch them!

Sorry I should have clarified it wasn't my wedding day it was a friend's.

I had recently been left for someone else and I was having terrible luck. Anyway I was a bridesmaid and my friend made a joke that I was going to be the 'forever bridesmaid', and I took it quite badly.

I'm probably not going to help by saying this, but I think alot of people are arses to be honest. Whether its snappy comments, boasting or trying to compare what they have with you, digs about their superior parenting or how clever and great their kids are. There is often something bubbling away under the surface. I have learnt its quite rare not to have that and if you have a few, genuine friends then you're doing well
I treat people how I would like to be treated and shrug off their bullshit and file them away as acquaintances.

Do they make similar comments about anyone else or is it just aimed at you.

I agree with others they don't sound much like friends at all to be honest, have you asked them to stop when they are sober?

That was a very crass comment from your friend given your situation.

What? A friend cracked a joke that you must have a warped mind to enjoy a thriller?
If that upset you, you must be in shreds on a daily basis. Nobody is out to get you. You are ridiculously touchy. How do you get through everyday life with this mindset?

When people make those sorts of jokes, I think you can tell if they are banter or if they have a bit of a nasty edge to them. I've had to pull someone up on this recently. He was going through quite a tough time and I supported him. Then he started making all these sorts of jokes and I just knew there was an edge to them for some reason. Like, I would try to make it into banter and the jokes would just get meaner and no laughter from him at all. Anyway, he is much happier now and funny enough I haven't had any of the mean jokes since then. Just nice, normal conversations. I don't think it comes from an evil place, but I do think they can sometimes be a sign of someone lashing out for whatever reason.

To be brief, I don't think you need to change or be less sensitive. I think maybe work on becoming more assertive and pull them up on it. Don't engage, by retorting with similar jokes. Just pull them up on it and then blank or walk away if they do it again in the same conversation.

I'm sensitive too OP. I also am happy to say I have no arseholes in my life. The people around me treat me with respect. I get teased sometimes but nothing that makes me upset. If you're getting upset consider the possibility that they're being rude or insensitive.

It sounds like it could be a mixture to be honest but it’s hard to tell from one or two examples. Joking that you had a warped mind sounds lighthearted enough but the ‘always a bridesmaid’ comment when you had had a recent breakup sounds really unpleasant. Ultimately you should feel that your friends support you when you are going through a tough time not use it as a weapon against you and IME calling someone ‘too sensitive’ is often used when someone wants to excuse their dickish behaviour.

IME calling someone ‘too sensitive’ is often used when someone wants to excuse their dickish behaviour.

It often is, I agree. See also "omg calm down", "chill out" and worst of all, "you're psycho / crazy". That last one is out and out gaslighting, which thankfully, I have only experienced from one person who I try to see as rarely as possible now.

They make jokes about how I was clumsy and messy at school, it was almost 20 years ago so who cares ?
This is mainly school friends, people who i've met in more recent years are never like this at all. It's like they can't see me as anyone else other than teenage me.

@TequilaSunrise39 I am incredibly sensitive and can imagine being upset at the comments you have mentioned. I know it's like water off a duck's back to some people and I wish I was more robust but it's just the way I am and beating myself up about doesn't help. What does help is reminding myself that what people say / do is often entirely down to them and so if it's mean or hurtful or totally unfunny that is nothing to do with me and everything to do with their mood, outlook or insecurities. I'm getting better at pausing and reminding myself of that and I find humour helps, as most people dont mean badly, but equally if you have good reason to think something doesnt come from a good place, then dont be afraid to call people out on it or to distance yourself

It sounds as if these are school friends. They've known you a long time, and in some ways it sounds as if they have known you when you were at your most vulnerable.
Another way of looking at this is that they are trying to recreate the school pecking order.
It sounds like you have moved on from the school yard but they have not. It also sounds like there have been enough of these incidents to start grating on you, also that you feel worse about them because you feel put on the spot and are not answering back.
You need to call them out on these remarks. Turn it around.Laugh at the inappropriateness or call it out as really rude, but also laugh at the ridiculousness of them thinking its OK to say things like that. Throw back the "Oh you're so sensitive" comments to.. you know its coming so prepare a snappy answer.

The bridesmaid comment was uncalled for and you were not being too sensitive. You were a bridesmaid and your friend wasn't, maybe she made that put down to put you in your place. Not nice. Make them explain themselves. You'd feel much much better.
Are there some people in the group you feel closer to than others. Maybe you could talk to them, ask what they think.
Also you have other friends who also think this is rubbish behaviour. They know you so if this is the group that make you feel like this, it's the group dynamic.

That's true it comes from them. I've just not experienced this at all with people older than me and who I have met more recently for some reason. I think it would be boring if we never laughed but don't see why humour has to be at others' expense.