Aibu and should I say something or not?

[E551]

My partner has just been to pick up our 2 and a half year old son from his parents and he mentioned that our son has mini eggs from my mother in law now and again but that she does cut them in half.

Aibu or should I mention that I would prefer it if our son not have mini eggs because they’re known to be a choking hazard and I don’t think he should be having them at this age, even if they are cut in half because I think it’s still a hazard at his age due to them not learning to chew properly until they’re age 4/5. I’m also very scared because our son choked on walkers crisps not long ago, luckily wasn’t totally dislodged so my partner was able to give back slaps and dislodge it. My mother in law mentioned after this incident as well that she wouldn’t know what to do if she saw our son choking and would panic so just adds to my worries even more!

I have showed some of the articles on mini eggs being a choking hazard to my partner and he said he’ll mention it to his mum next time he sees her to not give them anymore, but I know sometimes he doesn’t like to tell his mother to not do something so should I make sure she is told not to give them or should I just leave it be since she is cutting them in half although I wouldn’t dare give mini eggs until my son is way older.

You are clearly concerned. You are the parent, just tell her that she's only allowed to give him buttons and you don't want him having mink eggs, whole or otherwise, as it clearly says they aren't suitable for under 4s.

You have a DH problem that needs nipping in the bud. He needs to start putting the needs and safety of his family before his discomfort of telling his DM what the rules are regarding your DC.

LouiseTrees, regarding your comment with them only being available at Easter; They are actually a cheaper version of Cadbury’s Mini Eggs that are available at a local shop, but I didn’t realise that whether Mini Eggs are available or not year round accounts to whether they are a choking hazard or not!

We sell mini eggs loose from a jar at work all year round

YANBU. This would worry me too. I still won’t give them or similar m&ms etc, to my 3yo.

Anything grape shaped & with a hard shell is a big no. Plus just because someone is saying they cut them doesn’t mean they are, might just be saying it to appease you. Plenty of safe chocolate to give. Tell her, you’ll only worry the whole time his there otherwise.

Also, mini eggs are definitely not only available at Easter.

This sort of thing is so irritating. Why does she have to give mini eggs at all - it's just random. If she has to give something why not a chocolate button. It's just stressful. Does she give grapes? Again not necessary.

I think after reading the comments which are actually providing answers and support on what to do, I have spoken to my partner and he is going to have a word with her tomorrow because I am definitely concerned and have been reading up a lot about it this past hour. I get on very well with my mother in law and she does look after our son very regularly but I do prefer my partner having a word with her because I always mention to my parents what I am and am not comfortable with my son eating, like Walkers as mentioned, my Dad wanted to give some to my son and I said no because they are a hazard (and that’s exactly what my son had choked on before!) and my Dad said he’d crush them in small pieces but I still said no and he listened and took the packet away. My mother in law does kind of have the attitude of “I’ve looked after all my Grandkids”, which is quite a lot of them, and “I know what I’m doing”, but my son’s youngest cousin is 17 so there has been quite a few years since she’s cared for a child my son’s age, no disrespect of course, just trying to paint the picture further, and maybe that’s why I don’t want to be the one dictating what she can and can’t give but might be better coming from my partner in case I insult her?

So what I would do - yes I know I might get flack / but I'd produce a crib sheet - made entirely myself - but pretend it was official and give it to her - and include toddler safety e.d no mini eggs, no grapes, no peanuts etc. That way you don't need to sound fussy but you're both just following same guidelines, I would just say " I was given this - it's really useful to know what they can and can't have at xxx age"

@northprincess

This sort of thing is so irritating. Why does she have to give mini eggs at all - it's just random. If she has to give something why not a chocolate button. It's just stressful. Does she give grapes? Again not necessary.

Yes she does give grapes unfortunately, however I definitely know she cuts them in half. However, I avoided giving my son grapes purely because I don’t see the need when he happily eats strawberries, raspberries, banana, pretty much all other fruit which aren’t a hazard, and I didn’t know for a while that he was having grapes! So now I do give him grapes because he asks for them now but I cut them in quarters, the big ones anyway, but I would have much preferred him not having them because he doesn’t need them with all the other fruit he will eat.

I'm clearly the only one here who think YABU and very dramatic

Can you use the opportunity to suggest arranging a first aid course (Daisy First Aid do good ones for parents and carer’s). Then you don’t have to worry about different foods she’s handing out if she’s better educated about choking risks and what to do if your DD did choke. I don’t know if they’re running them at the moment due to Covid but I don’t know why more parents and grandparents don’t do them.

@2155User

I'm clearly the only one here who think YABU and very dramatic

Surely I’m allowed to have say over what my child is and allowed to eat? Especially when it concerns food that are known to be a choking hazard to a child? I might as well let her feed my son whole grapes if I would allow mini eggs to be given mightn’t I?! She has said that she cuts the mini eggs in half but as some has mentioned that’s not the easiest thing to do so whether they are actually cut in half or not who knows. But the packets is in an easy accessible location that my son could reach so he could easily help himself to them so he definitely wouldn’t be eating cut up then. He has managed to let himself out the house once when they were talking in the lounge with my partner so if he managed to leave the house through the kitchen with no one noticing then he has the opportunity to help himself to the choking hazards in the drawer!

He is only 2 and a half in case some of you missed that since it seems like I’m overreacting to some, but it does state on mini eggs packets that children under 4 shouldn’t be given them and there’s so much advice against mini eggs for toddlers from various websites so I think it’s best to go with the majority and not put my son at risk when there are other acceptable treats available.

@BrummyMum1

Can you use the opportunity to suggest arranging a first aid course (Daisy First Aid do good ones for parents and carer’s). Then you don’t have to worry about different foods she’s handing out if she’s better educated about choking risks and what to do if your DD did choke. I don’t know if they’re running them at the moment due to Covid but I don’t know why more parents and grandparents don’t do them.

When my son was only a baby I took him to baby groups and we did have a professional who came once and showed us some first aid for children and gave us this handy pamphlet that you could stick on the fridge that showed what to do when a child was choking and I was given 3 copies, 1 for me, 1 for my Mum who also looks after my son occasionally, and then 1 for my partner’s mum. She unfortunately didn’t take much notice and didn’t take the pamphlet with her when I spoke with her about it saying how useful it could be and so on, but I will see if a course is something she would be interested in because she does look after my son the most so it could be very useful for her and boost her confidence that she knows what to do if something were to wrong.

Also, what I have decided to do today is buy some treats that my son has at home off us which are totally appropriate for his age and my partner will take them to them when he goes to see them tonight and then basically just say we’ve bought these for you to give instead of the mini eggs because we’ve heard they can be a serious choking hazard so best not to give to our son just in case, and subtly mention to maybe store them out of our son’s reach just in case he goes to get one when they’re not looking because she said that he knows where they are and asks for chocolate eggs.

Are you sure cutting them in half makes it ok? I thought the idea with grapes and tomatoes is that they are much less 'solid' once cut, but this is not really true for mini eggs.

That said I would probably have let my dc have them at that age.

Alsoi would check they are cutting them in half longways!! My mum told me she cuts my kids grapes in halves... once I saw her doing it and it wasn't long ways so they were still chokeable 🙄 but once I showed her she did it that way!

@StraffeHendrik

It’s the shape of them that makes them dangerous as they are the perfect shape to block the whole throat, that’s why it’s advised to cut them longways

@BoggledBudgie

Kids don’t learn to chew properly til their 4/5? I’ll let my DS, who’s been chewing without choking since he was 10 months old.

I was just thinking this. Ds is almost 3 and chees his food.

I think if your husband goes with a bag of appropriate treats that will soften the blow.

I had to explain about the grape thing to my mil and then again when I realised I hadn't specified to cut them lengthways. She was giving my three year old lollipops at one point a d I felt very strongly against them because of a) sugar and teeth! And b) choking. She said it was a grandma's job to spoil the grandkids. So had I given her some appropriate treats it might have gone down better.

@OverTheRainbow88 I see. That said I think half a mini egg still sounds chokey, it's the hardness- like M&ms which I would also view with suspicion even though they are too small to block wind pipe they could definitely go down the wrong way!

Well my partner spoke to her about it, I did give him a bag of appropriate chocolates to give her instead but he didn’t take them out of the car!! So next time I see her I’ll take them to her.

Anyway so he spoke to her about it, her reply was that she cuts them in half but he explained that they’re still a hazard even then so she said she won’t give them again as we would never forgive her if our son ever choked!

But at least I don’t have to worry now. I do feel a bit frustrated knowing that he’s been having them for weeks without me knowing. I know some people think it’s an overreaction but surely if something has a warning on its packet then we should follow the advice. Maybe I’m too “by the book” when it comes to certain health and safety but these things have happened before and to much older children so I’m going to listen to these warnings.

I need to say something about the back slaps! Was your son turned over when the back slaps happened or sitting up right or standing up right? If he was sitting or standing upright and it happened again please no back slaps! It opens the airways but due to gravity the food goes down further and may lead to not be able to dislodge the food and therefore a choking death. I had explained this to my au pair (and sent her on a safety course!) but when my son started to choke on a biscuit she still back slapped him and the biscuit completedly lodged in his windpipe. Luckily I was there and turned him over on my arm to backslapp him and he vomited but lots of people think backslapping is a good idea but it’s only a good idea if the child is turned over.

I agree that the size and shape of the eggs is the only choking hazard, and she's taken care of that by cutting them in half, but ultimately, it's your choice.

I am disturbed by your thoughts about when kids can 'chew properly' though.
You do realise that at 2.5 yrs your child should be able to chew anything e.g raw carrots, apple, toast, rice cakes etc ? That's the kind of snacks they serve in nursery, (obviously windpipe size food needs to be halved, but that's all) hard, chewy food that needs to be bitten and chewed ?

Sorry, but I think you are being a bit PFB here.

Yes, maybe she is saying she's cutting them in half but isn't.

If you truly think that, then you don't trust her to tell you the truth over food, so what's to say she wouldn't still be doing it, or feeding whole grapes, or lying to you about any other part of her care?

Either you trust she's doing what she says, or you don't.

If you do trust her when she says she cuts them in half, then they are no longer a choking hazard.

If you think she's lying, then why on earth are you using her for childcare?

It is perfectly possible to cut up mini eggs btw, though biting them in half, then giving them to the child, is often easier. I do both. No one is dead yet. The warning on the pack is because of the risk of parents just giving them to their children unsupervised (and whole).

@ittakes2

Sorry would you mind explaining that again?

I’m queen of the back slaps 😬😬