Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Can't believe this happened today, infact its still rattling round my head now!

68 replies

pinkbubble · 01/10/2007 21:18

I have problems with my bladder,and manage to wet myself numerious times a day! (its a fairly recent thing and I am still trying to come to turns with it!) I do not like going out on my own at the moment, just incase I have an accident. MIL suggested that we take DDs to an shopping outlet centre for the afternoon. I am not sure, and so tell her. She convinces me that I need to get out and about, and that there are loos there. So I go.

Look around the shops, not a big place, then I take youngest DD to playpark at centre, no sooner had she started playing when I wet myself! I was mortified, MIL had not yet got to park, so I tried ringing her on mobile(no answer). I then see her walking along with other DD, send youngest DD off to tell MIL what has happened and I needed to go home, I walk to car and sit in it and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait. Must have been at least 20 mins I waited in car for them to come. Eventually MIL saunters over leaving DDs in park and suggests we go for a drink!!!!!. I am in tears by this stage, tell her no I dont want a drink, I just want to go home(a 45 min car journey away!) Her reply was - we all need a drink, we have not had one this afternoon, I'm going to get one for the girls! I sat there for another 10 mins while she goes off and buys us all drinks even though I had said I didnt want one!

I still cant believe this actually happened this afternoon, maybe I am being unreasonable to expect to go home pretty pronto after wetting myself, I know that if it had happened to someone else then I would quick to deny DDs a drink.

I also thought that maybe DD had not given MIL the message, but going home in car, MIL told me how discreet DD had been, and how grown up she had benn too. DDs were on a development day today so were not at school!

Sorry its so long, feel better already now rant is over!

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 01/10/2007 21:43

Here's a shewee.

But it might not be suitable for you if you don't get much warning

Glad your DD was discreet though - that's v positive, I think.

Also, did your MIL see how upset you were?

Original poster

pinkbubble · 01/10/2007 21:50

Bless DD she is 7, apparently she went up to MIL and said, Grandma, Mum need to go home she has dipderred(say it how it sounds!!)NO mention of wetting or anything else, very discreet, MIL told me how inpressed she was and that she showed real maturity!

OP posts:

Original poster

pinkbubble · 01/10/2007 21:50

OP posts:

Original poster

pinkbubble · 01/10/2007 21:51

whoops! at double posting!

OP posts:

Original poster

pinkbubble · 01/10/2007 21:54

Trouble is HM, I cant go naturally, so every few hrs I have to self catheter (which I absolutely hate) So I dont think the shewee would be any good, as I dont have to sit on the loo anyway! But thanks, I will bear it in mind for future use!

OP posts:

shergar · 01/10/2007 21:59

pinkbubble, so sorry this is happening. Would it help to go out with several changes of clothes so that if the worst comes to the worst you can change in the loo? Could you fluid restrict yourself for a few hours before going out? Go and see the specialist again for sure - it sounds like it would be easier for you to have an indwelling catheter, and would enable you to get out and about more easily.

Original poster

pinkbubble · 01/10/2007 22:03

I do take spare clothes.

I also had a supra pubic catheter until recently but for some strange reason(not as much as now) I could still wet myself. I also suffered from countless UTIs and bladder ulcers. They also discovered that I was allergic to latex! So out of 2 mts having a catheter I probably only had 2 wks problem free!

OP posts:

NomDeBroomstick · 01/10/2007 22:07

I think your MIL was wrong. I understand that she probably wants you to live as normally as poss with your condition, but humiliating you was not the right way to go about it.

I'm sorry, pinkbubble. What did DH say about it ?

glitterchick · 01/10/2007 22:08

Ur daughters discretion and maturity was clearly not inherited from your MIL!

Original poster

pinkbubble · 01/10/2007 22:19

DH is a closed book when it comes to his Mother, just like she is if I am complaining about DH. They very rarely speak bad about each other. But also DH knows what his Mother is like and when she has her mind set on something then thats that!

OP posts:

Original poster

pinkbubble · 01/10/2007 22:24

Glitterchick, I have been very honest with all 3 DDs, youngest is 7, eldest 13yrs. This was against MILs wishes, she didnt want DDs to see the catheter sticks or the large inco/nappy pads I have to wear. But DH and I sat them all down and showed them and explained everything to them. I was really worried that if they came acrooss the things in the bathroom then curiosity would get the better of them and they would fiddle. Our talk so far has worked, they have no hang ups or anything. When I had the catheter bag fitted, MIL told me infront of DDs that I was damaging them psychologically to them seeing my urine in a bag. In her words it should be covered up. Its her that has the problem!

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 01/10/2007 22:30

You sound like you're dealing with it really well and so are your children.

How sad your MIL can't be more helpful.

I hope you get something that works for you very soon.

Original poster

pinkbubble · 01/10/2007 22:35

Thanks Hunker, as I said earlier, hopefully I should get some answers this week, perhaps next week at the latest!

OP posts:

hotcrossbunny · 01/10/2007 22:38

Your MIL has made it all so much worse for you
Your children are a credit to you and will continue to be so I am sure. I think you are absolutely right to be upfront and honest with them and I bet they will be the most tolerant, kind and considerate adults because of it.
I suffer quite badly from IBS and from time to time it is so severe that I get little warning/time to get to the loo. When it is particularly bad I hardly go out so I understand to a certain extent what you are going through.
Your MIL clearly has no understanding of what you are facing and obviously thinks you are making a fuss over nothing. You clearly are not and she will have to deal with it (or not). If she feels the dcs are missing out then maybe she should take them places and give you a break or ask you for suggestions about what you would feel comfortable with.
My heart goes out to you and I really hope you get positive news soon.

NineUnlikelyTales · 01/10/2007 22:42

Your MIL behaved really badly. It sounds like she is in denial. You did amazingly well to keep it together with her, most people would have lost it I think.

I hope you get a treatment that works for you, or at least find ways to let you leave the house without worrying about public loos, etc.

Original poster

pinkbubble · 01/10/2007 22:48

I am lucky as I am still able to work, work have said I can just drop everything and go if I need to!. So far this has only happened once! Mainly that is my social life, and thats a only in the morning for a couple of hrs, normally I get away by not drinking in the morning, and have a drink mid morning. Trouble is I normally do drink a lot, so come coffee break I'm gasping!

OP posts:

glitterchick · 02/10/2007 07:13

OK pinkbubble. I feel sorry for you as regards bladder situation. PG it will get sorted out. As regards MIL - her behaviour was unacceptable so steer clear from her when it comes to meeting up or having days out. She clearly was the cause of this embarrassing event and has no regard for your feelings. Give her wide birth.

Pixel · 02/10/2007 13:58

Oh I do hope things improve for you soon, I know how limiting these things can be in your everyday life. The only suggestion I have is could you maybe get a RADAR key for disabled toilets? At least you would have somewhere clean and private with plenty of room to get changed. Also there is rarely a queue so that could make a difference if you were in a hurry.

Just realised I'm assuming you are in UK so ignore me if not so!

Original poster

pinkbubble · 02/10/2007 15:03

Thanks Pixel, hadnt thought of that. Must enquire where to get one of those from.

The positive side to this problem is that my house is all sorted out, clothes put away and I am actually not feeling guilty for spending time on my craft! So there is a reason for it after all!

OP posts:

andiem · 02/10/2007 15:09

aww pinkbubble how awful for you what an old bag your mil was. I really hope you get everything sorted out soon

Wizzska · 02/10/2007 15:47

Pinkbubble - you are being totally reasonable. I think your MIL was wrong and I'm sure it was very upsetting for you. If your DDs can understand and act in a mature fashion about your problem, then I would bleedin well think your MIL should too. You showed you were willing to go out and give it a try, it didn't work. You have a medical problem it's not your fault. This kind of thing would make me phobic about going out with her again. I hope for your sake it doesn't. You seem to be taking it very well.

widgypog · 02/10/2007 16:21

I too have bladder probelms and I find people can be strange about it. My usually perfect husband finds it very tiresome and friends tend to laugh(in a nice way if that makes sense) at me .. I think it is out of embarrasment. I am sorry your mil was like this, I would stay well clear of her in future. It is hard enough to deal with on your own without her being insensitive. By the way I am seeing a gynaecologist(sp) and my last resort is Botox and then he said I may have to catheter myself. Do you mind telling me how your probs started. no worries if it is too private.

bookwormtailmum · 02/10/2007 16:34

Do go keep badgering your consultant - this has to be sorted out. I think you are spot on telling your children about the cathether and bits and pieces you use. It's nothing to be ashamed of - it's a medical need. It sounds as though your MIL is in denial or doens't realise how serious it is. Avoid her and keep your energies for getting yourself sorted out .

Good luck with getting it sorted.

Original poster

pinkbubble · 02/10/2007 17:14

WP, I had a minor op on my pelvic floor. couldnt pee properly, so I was cathetered for a week. I was then ok - for a day, managed to pick up a UTI, and the rest is history. Had many UTIs since, found self cathetering very difficult so they fitted me with a supre pubic catheter, now they have removed it as they were wondering if that was hampering recovery. Trouble is although I am peeing now, its not when I want to, it seems to have a mind of its own.

I dont mind discussing this, TBH, it helps to talk, I find as you said people get embarrassed over this, and I have found very few people that have actually owned up to this problem! How about you?

OP posts:

widgypog · 02/10/2007 17:45

I don't know any body with any bladder problems apart from my mum(she is in her 60's).All my friends and my husbands family have bladders of steel. I have been diagnosed with an irritable bladder since having dd(3) which simply means I wee lots and very often. I have partly solved the problem by stopping drinking, then my kidneys hurt loads. I have seen a gynaecologist who has tried me on 3 types of drugs and like I said my last resort is Botox in the bladder but he said I would have to self catheter myslef like you did and to be honest I was thinking oh great at least I can control it ,but your problems are much worse than mine and I am now thinking maybe I should be grateful that I can still control it.
I really feel for you though because it is horrible not being able to control you body especially as I am only 32!!!

Flip

1 2 3