To question my contribution to the greater good

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

It is hard to know how else to ask this question.

I am a lifelong supporter of the Labour Party. I am liberal in my ideas and my voting. I am a left wing feminist. I have strong views about social justice and equality. I am now 53. I have paid my taxes and helped cultivate a liberal mindset in my children. But over and above that? I’ve done nothing really.

The lockdown has given rise to a period of reflection for me. I have found myself wanting. I think I’m a decent enough person at heart. And I’ve never done a really bad thing. But I’ve really not followed through on my ideals. I had thoughts of being a politician or a campaigner and whilst social justice is still a huge issue for me it has taken a back seat to the welfare of my 3 children. I have had some professional success along the way. I have had to cope with the serious illness of one of my children. None of this really settles for me the open question that I have made no contribution at all my wider community.

I am feeling my age. I am questioning my role in the bigger picture. I am an educated woman who feels adrift on a sea of indecision.

Does anyone else share these feelings? And what options are there to fix them?

Your post is thoughtful and raising aware, liberal minded kids isn't nothing but if it doesn't feel enough now do something more. Find something that fits with your values, skills and the time you can give regularly.
EG volunteer to be a school governor and champion pupil premium kids ( time commitment probably about 6-7 hours a term), if your skills are specific think who could benefit from them and ask. Either way regret and / or guilt are a waste of time and you sound like someone who could use that time constructively. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Just do it.

I've done it (changed direction to work in the NHS, volunteered in the community and campaigned/led an action group, etc.). Having done all that, I actually think that 'doing good' is a bit overrated. I don't actually feel any more fulfilled than I ever did. That might just be me though.

Thank you for your kind response.

My youngest child is - despite me being ancient - still only 9. So I shall have to find a way to weave his needs in and around any other avenues. Older DDs are 19 and 16. 19 year old was very unwell and still needs me around a bit (more than one might expect for her age).

I was asked to put myself forward to be a school governor. It didn’t feel like a fit for me. Not at that school anyway. I have found myself literally shouting at the TV when news of injustice comes on - I feel compelled to do something. But at a loss as to what. I feel a bit like my teenage self again. Somewhat raw and exposed in the way I used to be. I feel almost foolish in that it’s mostly the young who are voicing the things I am feeling.

Oh. That’s interesting that you don’t feel any better for your change in direction.

I’m not suggesting a change of job for me. My career is settled now. But I am looking at ways in which I might volunteer or campaign or otherwise raise awareness of the issues that I consider to be important.