Does anyone else’s 8 year old refuse to do stuff?

[SpringSunshineandTulips]

Mine has recently started refusing self care like tooth brushing and showering / washing hair. She’ll even argue about not going for a wee before we leave the house. Every bloody thing is a battle. Anyone else have this with an 8 year old? Just feels like it will never get better. Older sibling is nothing like this.

Every.bloody.day.

Yup. Although mine is 7 in a few weeks. God damn the idea to teach her about independence and bodily autonomy..."it's my body and I don't have to wash if I don't want to"

No he doesn't refuse, he knows there would be ramifications (from me rather than concern for the physical results!) he does need telling though, I haven't yet managed to convince him it's something he needs to do and therefore do it wilfully without prompting!

7 year old DS every bloody thing!

Teeth, wee, wash, tidy, ear, feed animals, walk, get in the car everything is a bloody battle

The rest of the time he is genuinely the loveliest little boy but as soon as you ask him to do anything he sulks!

Bribery doesn’t work, threats don’t work (although I threatened to throw away all his dressing up clothes earlier and his big sister quietly tidied it while I wasn’t looking so he wouldn’t be sad!)

I genuinely don’t know what to do!

No idea what *ear was meant to be - mustn’t rant and type simultaneously 🤷‍♀️

To be clear she does have to do these things it’s just a battle every time.

@Tinyhumansurvivalist

Yup. Although mine is 7 in a few weeks. God damn the idea to teach her about independence and bodily autonomy..."it's my body and I don't have to wash if I don't want to"

Lol. Little bugger 🤣

When I was that age I was warned (at least daily) if I didn't bloody well brush my hair it would be cut short

Hair brushing was BORING and hurt because it was fine so would tangle easily.

But I did NOT want it cut. The failure of their plan was that I knew they didn't want it cut short either 🤣

Small people have got revenge on their behalf though!

I think most kids go through this stage. You just have to find their carrot, find their stick, or find your own way of surviving until the grow through this phase! & each child/parent is different.

Good luck.

Yes. I feel your pain and I often find myself wondering if I’m the only one dealing with this!!

DS’ standard response to everything is ‘no’. Fine with teeth brushing and bath. But I ask ten times for him to get dressed. Every day when it comes to walking the dog, ‘no’. Won’t get his wellies on. Won’t leave the house. Takes ages. Then he’ll walk slowly, sulking for the first few minutes. Turning the tv off, coming to eat dinner, suggestions of what to do when he’s bored. All ‘no’. Bloody exhausting!!!

My 9 year old has more or less stopped with regard showering/hair washing/toothbrushing but still says no to pdoing almost everything else and likes to throw in a toddler style tantrum about it every now and again - sigh!!!

Oh god the strips from my 8 year old about anything are epic. Even trying to leave the house is a drama. I’ve taken away his iPad for a week to see if we can get back into a better frame of mind, though this evening has been torture without it.

@IncrediblySadToo tell me about it! I saw a meme in Facebook once that said something about being proud to have taught my daughter to be a strong independent woman...the only problem is I have to live with her til she's old enough to move out. Sums my dd up perfectly!!

She is adorable and genuinely a really good girl. She puts up with a lot healthwise and some of the treatment hurts a lot so I think she just uses teeth etc as a way of taking back a bit of control. I win the battle but its not aided by her dad who just gives up and let's her not brush her teeth, hair etc (see other threads on the twat)

I love her to bits though. She is hysterical in her refusal. Hands on hips and striking that "ahem girlfriend" pose of 90's attitude.

Nope but in my house you do as mum says. Dad? Meh, not so much. He's the one they go to when they want to get away with stuff. They'll then rip the piss out of him by refusing to do as he says and I just sit back and smirk. Then I have to step in and tell them ONCE.

DH still hasn't cottoned on to the fact that if he's soft with them they'll run right over him.

@Tinyhumansurvivalist my daughter goes through a lot with her health too and have wondered if she’s trying to get control of something but she is offered a lot of choices over stuff so I don’t know.

Yep, DS is just 9, we start from no with pretty much everything and work back from there.

Often it's not hard to get to Yes, it's just that no seems to have become the default option, but oh it's exhausting!

DS would argue about the colour of a wall given a chance. He has to share his opinion on everything despite the fact that he's eight and doesn't actually know anything about house prices, the house of Lords, FCO advice etc

I just assume he'll argue about whatever I suggest so I don't get my hopes up. I assume they grow out of this stage?

@SpringSunshineandTulips choices isn't the same as control though. There is very little you can do if she full blown refuses to wash, clean her teeth etc. You could physically force it but there's a good chance that would end badly so it could be that she feels the need to assert control.

Sometimes I think direct orders or commands cause some of the problems so possibly try rephrasing the way you're telling her what to do?

I think sometimes kids need to realise the consequences of their actions. Let her go to school with a stinking mouth / uncombed hair - at her age the other kids will make a comment rather than just ignore her.

@Tinyhumansurvivalist yes you’re right. She has type 1 diabetes so is on several injections a day and lots of blood checks. She’s just had enough I think and now no school too. Hopefully things will feel more normal in September.

Yep - same here! It’s a relief to know others have the same. The one thing that works with showering is if he thinks it’ll get him a few extra minutes with me before bed. His latest is “but I’m too scared to be by myself!” Then gets me in the bathroom and starts chatting.

@SpringSunshineandTulips sounds very much like she is struggling with the invasive nature of the treatment and is exerting control over her life and body in the only way she can.

I wouldnt worry too much, once the routine of school etc returns you might see it calm down again.

How involved in her treatment is she? Would it maybe help to encourage her to do her injections etc herself?

Yes. Teeth cleaning is a bigger battle now at 8 than it was at 2. Nothing can be done straight away either... “in a minute” “just 5 more minutes “ or the worst “IM DOING IT!” When he’s blatantly not.

Yes! Oh thanks for posting this.

9 year old DD's default answer to everything is 'No' to the point that I have been diagnosing her with pathological demand avoidance when really she she is just wired that way. Ask her to get on a horse, brush the horses tail, clean the horses hooves, brush the horses teeth? No problem. Happy to oblige.

Do that to herself? Nah. Drives me nuts. I do not get the instinctive 'No' thing. even if it benefits her she will say 'No' and then quickly dial back on that if it is to her advantage. Wonder if it is just them learning self determination? Maddening to deal with though.

goinghometocallie I get 'WAIT!!' instead of 'I'M DOING IT!!' I hate being told to wait. Red rag to a bull.