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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not tell my friend that I'm pregnant

13 replies

mintich · 02/08/2020 18:42

I've been friends with a woman I met through work for 15 years. We used to go clubbing, to restaurants, to the gym etc, and we always seemed to be single or in a relationship at the same time. I considered her one of my best friends. I met someone and moved to be with him. I live in Essex (40 mins to Central London) and she lives in West London.
She only ever wanted to meet if it was near her or straight from work in central London.
When I got pregnant, I met her and another friend and she sat there telking me all about how most men cheat on their pregnant wives/girlfriends and talking about how huge I looked. I chalked it up to a bit of jealousy that she was still single but my life was changing. I then barely saw her for a year despite me trying to arrange meet ups (I think we met for lunch once) Then I got married and she came to my wedding. I received no card or present (she has money) and she left at 9pm. She brought a friend as her plus one and I bet she just went out clubbing afterwards.
Since my wedding, we have barely spoken. It's always me texting her. We were supposed to meet after work (in Feb) and she called me an hour before hand saying she was going straight home as she was tired. No sorry, or plan to rearrange. I looked back over our chats and most of the time I start them. I guess we have grown apart but I feel she has made no effort to stop that happening.
Now I'm 16 weeks pregnant and I haven't told her about it. In fact we haven't actually been in contact since I got pregnant. I imagine the first she will know is when the baby is born and I put a picture up!
Part of me feels petty to not tell her. The other part thinks she isnt bothered about my life so why tell her?
AIBU to not tell her?

OP posts:
cantstopsinginglittlebabybum · 02/08/2020 18:43

Don't bother, I wouldn't even bother contacting her again.

Twigletfairy · 02/08/2020 18:44

I wouldn't bother telling her

pumpkinpie01 · 02/08/2020 18:47

Sad as it is when a friendship comes to an end I really don't think you will gain anything by telling her. By the sound of it she is so self centred she will take no interest in your pregnancy which could upset you , you don't need the negativity.

PoppedTheHipAgain · 02/08/2020 18:51

Stop messaging her at all. Don't tell her you're pregnant. She's rude and you don't need that. She should start putting some effort in or just accept she's lost you.

WorraLiberty · 02/08/2020 18:53

The friendship's moved on, just accept that and get on with your life.

VettiyaIruken · 02/08/2020 18:55

I think you're flogging a dead horse here.
In your shoes I'd just not contact her.
If she notices or cares, she'll contact you.

Gobbycop · 02/08/2020 18:58

Cut her loose, she's not your friend.

hammeringinmyhead · 02/08/2020 19:06

They say that thing about friends being there for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I think, as she is single and going out clubbing etc with other (new?) friends, this was a "season" friend. Flowers

Coldspringharbour · 02/08/2020 19:26

Let her go. She’s not interested any more and you deserve better. Good luck with the pregnancy.

FindingNeverland1 · 02/08/2020 19:34

Sorry but it's pretty clear that your friend has moved on from the friendship.

If you've always been the one to get in touch just leave it now. Her turn to reach out and if she doesn't, she doesn't.

AlwaysCheddar · 02/08/2020 19:43

I wouldn’t bother contacting her again. She’s not interested.

Kaiserin · 02/08/2020 19:49

You deserve better friends. Congratulations for the pregnancy by the way Smile
You owe your stale friend nothing. You tried. Time to move on.

mintich · 02/08/2020 21:41

Luckily I have lots of good friends. I suppose I didnt expect someone to drift away after 15 years

OP posts:
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