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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to watch holiday videos on Youtube

20 replies

Witchofzog · 02/08/2020 10:26

A close family member lost her husband 3 years ago very suddenly. She went through a terrible time and this year has started to go away a lot. She is well off and has been able to retire young so is not restricted by annual leave etc.i have supported and encouraged this as it gives her something to look forward to.

However she has started making videos of these holidays and sending me the links to watch them. Then asking me about them. She went on a coach trip last year and created a "series" of 8 videos that were on average 18 mins long each. One of which was literally of the coach driving on the motorway. On Thursday she sent me a 15 min clip of her in a random small town in Italy. I watched it yesterday up until about 13 and a half mins in then sent her a reply with some comments on it. But apparently there was something big on the end which I hadnt seen and she said I obviously hadn't watched it all. And this annoyed me.

I work long hours and I don't have the time to watch super long holiday clips. Plus watching other people's holiday clips is quite boring. But then I feel mean as these are obviously really important to her.

Aibu to be irritated? I think I should probably keep watching them to be polite but when I do watch them I just feel annoyed and I know I would never inflict my holiday on someone to this extent.

OP posts:
Original poster
Witchofzog · 02/08/2020 10:27

Before anyone talks about lockdown, my family member is not in the UK btw

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 02/08/2020 10:28

Oh god, the modern day version of a slide show.

Yanbu to be irritated, sounds boring as hell.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 02/08/2020 10:29

sounds like encouraging early retirement has left her with too much time on her hands.

KatherineOfGaunt · 02/08/2020 10:29

YANBU. If there was "something big at the end" could she not just send you the 10-20 second video of that bit?

I've never met anyone who expects me to watch videos of their holidays. In fact, people don't really show photos anymore, just put them on social media. But I'm not sure what the best way is to get her to stop!

stoploss · 02/08/2020 10:31

What would happen if you didn't watch therm?

PinkiOcelot · 02/08/2020 10:31

Ahhhh god so it’s gone from boring holiday photos to videos. I don’t blame you OP.

I think I’d just start saying I was so busy I had to just skim through. I got stopped half way through by x,y or z. What I did manage to watch looked lovely blah blah. Have you copied so and so in, I’m sure they’d like to see (ha). What a nightmare.

Mmmmycorona · 02/08/2020 10:34

Oh dear, that sounds incredibly boring.
When she sends them, I think I’d say something like I’ll have a watch when I get 5 minutes. If she chases, just say you’ve not had time yet. She may get the idea eventually.

Serialcatmum · 02/08/2020 10:34

Oh god this would drive me mad! A friend of mine sends me videos (a few minutes long)! of her son playing- nothing specific. Just plying in sand/ in the bath etc. He’s cute and I love to see pictures but I totally begrudge the 2 minutes of watching it.

You’re right. It’s boring and you want to spend your little free time doing things you want to do.

As much as it’s awful she lost her husband suddenly that doesn’t mean she should not have manners and monopolise your time.

Maybe it’s a good thing now? You can say something along the lines of “look sorry I didn’t see it till the end.. thing were manic today and I had to run off part way through to (make excuse here). I’d love to see a few snaps of your holidays next time you’re free for a coffee I just struggle with time to watch the clips.. looking forward to hearing all about it though” yes it it walking in egg shells and annoying that you have to but this gets rid of that feeling of guilt and should stop it keep happening!!’

Original poster
Witchofzog · 02/08/2020 10:35

That's it. I feel like showing enthusiasm encourages it but not showing enthusiasm feels a bit mean.

I didn't encourage the early retirement. She went back to work at one point which I really encouraged as I thought it would be really good for her but she left after a few months as she didn't think working was for her anymore when she doesn't really need to. But it has given her a lot of time to invest in things like these videos. I have tried to leave big gaps inbetween receiving them and watching them but then it ends up hanging over me. Thursday I thought I would get it over and done with and it backfired for the sake of a minute and a half. 🙄

OP posts:
rookiemere · 02/08/2020 10:38

I hate anyone sending me clips of anything. Post them in FB where people have the choice to watch or not.

In this case I like the - I'll watch when I get 5 minutes - line, if she then asks you could say you prefer pictures rather than videos.

Original poster
Witchofzog · 02/08/2020 10:39

I haven't tried not watching them though I did miss out a couple of the coach series. I figured I could get away with that.

It's like she has no awareness sometimes. When she goes away she sends me regular emails on what she is up to and rarely asks about me. It's exhausting

OP posts:
rookiemere · 02/08/2020 10:41

Why do you feel you have to watch them ?

Clymene · 02/08/2020 10:41

Do you have a child you could pay to watch them for you?

Original poster
Witchofzog · 02/08/2020 10:44

@rookiemere

Why do you feel you have to watch them ?
Because she, well we really, don't have a big family and I think she is quite lonely in some ways. She had such a difficult time when her husband died that I want to be able to celebrate the good times with her - just not in such a lengthy way Grin
OP posts:
Original poster
Witchofzog · 02/08/2020 10:45

@Clymene

Do you have a child you could pay to watch them for you?
Good idea Smile No ds is an adult now and even less inclined than me. It's a great idea though- he would have loved them when he was small
OP posts:
BlueJava · 02/08/2020 11:07

I can see your position OP, that difficult. On one hand you don't want to be mean and it's good your friend feels able to do stuff, on the other hand long vids of other people's holiday is rubbish! I have no idea what to suggest... maybe say "I didn't get chance to watch it, but let's catch up on skype (or whatever) cos I'd rather hear it from you" which may be more beneficial for her. Alternatively suggest she does a video editing course and starts a travel blog so the world sees them!

mrsBtheparker · 02/08/2020 12:04

I think she is quite lonely in some ways

I'm not surprised if she rams her tedious holiday videos down everyone's throats! My husband died earlier this year but I hope I never get so boring,

Original poster
Witchofzog · 02/08/2020 13:16

The thing is she is really lovely and has helped me out in a few ways in the past. It makes me feel mean even thinking this but I often don't finish work until 7pm - 8pm and I just don't have a lot of time to watch videos. It's not like they happen every week though so I think I will probably just need to suck it up. I guess I just wanted to see if I was being unreasonable for nor wanting them to be quite so long sometimes.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 02/08/2020 13:21

But you don't have to watch them . Is there a quiz at the end ?

Just reply oh it looks like you're having a lovely time. That's all she wants some validation, which you can give without watching them.

Teawaster · 02/08/2020 13:24

Oh good grief. That would drive me mad. My husband died 3 years ago but never in a million years would I presume that someone would want to watch videos of my holidays . A few pics on FB is more than enough. I don't think this has anything to do with her husband dying

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