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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can't be the only person to have had this problem?

42 replies

HerculesMulligan · 01/08/2020 21:37

Aha. Tricked you into clicking on a potentially dull thread about babygates.

DD is almost a year old, crawls at lightning-fast speed and is attracted to anything unsafe like a moth to a flame. DS is 6 and was always a sensible chap, so we are finding the experience of guerilla-baby quite a shock. DS has hypermobility and struggles with some stuff that requires finger/hand strength, like loo-flush buttons.

We need three babygates at the exits to our sitting room to keep DD from (i) hurling herself down two stone stairs into our dining room; (ii) climbing the stairs or drowning herself in the downstairs loo; or (iii) letting strangers in at the front door. However, now the baby gates are in place, DS can't open them by himself, and is understandably fretting that he might not be able to get to the loo in time.

The babygates we have all close differently, but he can't open any of them by himself. One has buttons on both sides that you press in while lifting a handle, one has a switch that you depress while lifting the gate and the other has a bit that you slide backwards away from the lock and then lift.

Is there anything else we can try? I only want to imprison one of my children...

OP posts:
ACNH · 01/08/2020 21:40

Can you just lift him over the gates when he needs to go? Guessing there would be an adult at close hand most of the time?

Yellowcar2 · 01/08/2020 21:45

I can't remember the brand but we had one where you squeezed the underneath of the handle and pulled up it was really simple to do and DD3 could open easily as well as DM who has arthritis in her hand. Good luck

Original poster
HerculesMulligan · 01/08/2020 21:47

It's not a massive house, but if he needs the loo in our playroom (and leaves it to the last minute, being 6), then I could be three baby gates away (getting something out of the oven, for example) from him when he yells, and then he's still two baby gates from the loo. He finds accidents truly mortifying so it's quite stressful for him.

OP posts:
ACNH · 01/08/2020 21:52

Emergency bucket in each room? We used to have one incase someone was in the loo (only 1 in our previous house) when my boy was younger and would leave it until the last minute.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 01/08/2020 21:54

Would the retractable mesh ones work?

KorkMum · 01/08/2020 21:58

At 6 surely he can hold his bladder until you've finished doing whatever you are doing. Think you are over thinking this.

Original poster
HerculesMulligan · 01/08/2020 22:03

I'm not overthinking it; he's hypermobile which affects bladder muscles too, so no. He doesn't have accidents generally, but if he's deep into a game, like lots of other 6yos (and adult me, from time to time, if I'm honest) he sometimes leaves it later than he should and has to rush.

OP posts:
Morechocmorechoc · 01/08/2020 22:03

Think you have too many baby gates! How is a baby going to let a stranger in at the front door?!! Maybe less gates more playing in a playpen?

TooMinty · 01/08/2020 22:05

Put ninja baby in a playpen and get rid of baby gates? Teach her to go safely down the two stone steps (feet first on stomach or bump down on bum)? Is danger baby really tall, how can she open doors?!

MyNameHasBeenTaken · 01/08/2020 22:07

Sorry, no help with the gates.
But my dd is also hyper mobile and has a weak bladder and urgency issues.

Eeeeeeeok · 01/08/2020 22:11

Steps to help him hop over?
Baby Gates which are adapted for people with disabilities?
A device to help him pinch the buttona on the gate?

CCC1 · 01/08/2020 22:12

Hi. I live in a cottage with no such thing as a straight wall, a standard sized door and open tread stairs. Oh and random steps up and down everywhere. I spent a small fortune on baby gates before quickly giving up. I spent ages teaching my son safe ways to get about. It did take a lot of persistence but I didn’t have a choice. However I could trust him to stay him in areas he needed to be and negotiate obstacles such as steps safely a lot sooner than other children we socialised with. Would this be an option? Could you say remove one gate and work on that obstacle?

HowManyNameChangesNow · 01/08/2020 22:19

Teach baby dd how to bottom shuffle down 2 steps. Perhaps put a door mat at the bottom of the steps if you are very worried about them. 2 steps should be fine though really.

Close the door to the toilet so she can't drown in the toilet.

Keep the door locked or add a bolt to the top of it so she can't open it.

RednaxelasLunch · 01/08/2020 22:20

You probs don't need all 3.

Downstairs loo has a door. Close that.

You can put the one for the stairs across the actual stairs themselves.

The front door is presumably locked anyway.

The 2 stone steps are a problem. I'd keep the gate across there.

That should leave just the stone steps one between the playroom and the loo?

BertieBotts · 01/08/2020 22:23

I would just not put one on the toilet. Babies don't drown in toilets. More likely she will lick the loo brush or send some books for a swim. All fixable and less annoying than an accident for the 6yo.

Perhaps add a very simple bolt to the actual door where he can reach but she can't?

MinorArcana · 01/08/2020 22:32

We have a screw fit gate like the one in the link below which is easy for an adult to open with one hand, although you do still have to lift the gate a bit, is that like any of the ones you’ve got?

www.amazon.co.uk/Lindam-Extending-Metal-Safety-Close/dp/B01AJSW0FK?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Or would he be able to climb over the gates if he had a small step to help him?

Bambersbooks · 01/08/2020 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HalfTermHalfTerm · 01/08/2020 22:34

Emergency bucket in each room? We used to have one incase someone was in the loo (only 1 in our previous house) when my boy was younger and would leave it until the last minute.

How young is younger? Confused

Could you move the stair gate that blocks access to the downstairs loo/stairs to across the bottom of the stairs, and then just keep the door of the downstairs loo shut when not in use? Then your daughter can’t get up the stairs, but it’s much easier for your son to go to the toilet?

Doingtheboxerbeat · 01/08/2020 22:36

Op, I have nothing to add as I have no children, but I was mildly entertained by the drama nonetheless.

Jamestown · 01/08/2020 22:39

Poor little boy.

slipperywhensparticus · 01/08/2020 22:42

shut the doors to the rooms use one baby gate tell ds he needs to hold it or clean up

You would be surprised how long a hypermobile child can hold it in those circumstances my son is hypermobile he can hold it an entire school day (he has sen and WONT use the school toilets as they are grim)

DamnYouAutocucumber · 01/08/2020 22:44

I think this sounds like too many gates, one or 2 steps is perfect practise for a baby who wouldn't be safe on a flight of stairs.
Our downstairs loo lock can be opened or closed from the outside with a coin, a 6yo (even hypermobile) could probably manage this, but not a toddler.
I don't understand how your layout means you're 3 stairgates away form DS, or he's 3 gates from the loo. Surely if they're all off the living room, then you're only 1 away? Or he's only 1 away?

Staplemaple · 01/08/2020 22:45

At a year old, how is she going to open the front door? I would personally keep the front door locked, shut the toilet door and just have the one stairgate, but only keep it shut if absolutely needed. If you buy one that is easier for your DS to open, chances are DD will be able to soon.

2155User · 01/08/2020 22:51

All I’ve got from this thread is that you potentially need to re-assess your anxiety levels.

ACNH · 01/08/2020 22:55

@HalfTermHalfTerm why do you want to know?