To think something is wrong with me socially?

[octupuskittens]

I'm a 28 year old female, I'm a single mum to a 6 year old girl. I'm not sure if that is relevant.

So I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible. I struggled with depression and anxiety after my daughter was born, I'd say within the past two years I have really recovered and although I still suffer from anxiety it is controlled and managed and depression is non existent thankfully.

I have always been awful maintaining romantic relationships but have always prided myself on my strong friendships that I have had for 10 years plus. I consider myself a very laid back person although I have a hot temper when pushed to the limit, once again, not sure this is relevant.

Basically my question is, the past year or so, even though I have been feeling amazing mentally, I really do not enjoy people. It's not just a case of I can't be bothered with certain people, I can't be bothered with anyone after a certain amount of time.

I am fine for an hour or two, anymore than that and I feel agitated, tired and really irritable. This is effecting my friendships as I feel that although I'm still making time for them, I'm making excuses to leave after a certain time. I'm also not talking about nights out in the pub, even if a friend comes over for a coffee after an hour I am screaming in my head for them to leave.

After they leave I really need just quiet time, silence. I find myself making excuses if they ask to see me more than once a week, if I have plans with them I worry as soon as it's planned about how long I'll have to spend with them.

I'm beginning to think I don't enjoy my friends company a bit but that's not it because 2 years ago I could have spent all day with them and still not been fed up.

I have had a lot of self growth within the past year especially and I know I have changed as a person, I love my friends, they are amazing and I am blessed to have them but quite frankly spending time with them seems like a chore.

The only exception to this is my mum and my daughter, that is it, I could spend endless amounts of time with them and not feel exhausted.

In recent years I have also noticed that I find it very uncomfortable making eye contact with certain people and making small talk, unsure of the relevance.

I'm sorry, this was meant to be short.

You say you have had a lot of self growth over the last year..have you thought maybe you have outgrown your friends?

Im 29 and can relate, I can't maintain long-term friendships (besides husband and family). I get bored of people after a couple of months and move on. Honestly couldn't name a friend I've kept in touch with for more than a year or so.

Ot sounds as though you are an introvert and need time to recharge after seeing people..I'm thinking your mum and your daughter you can feel totally relaxed with, and dint feel.as pressured to entertain/keep the conversation flowing, which can be exhausting

@octupuskittens this sounds like me.. why are we like this :/ I know I love my alone time.. and I have got to the point where I can't stand people talking about other people

It doesn’t sound like there is anything “wrong” with you. Growing older I think we just realise who we are and what are likes/dislikes are and are less prepared to compromise them. Sounds like you are maybe a little introverted which is not a bad thing. I’m the same. It’s ok to want your own space but if you value their friendships just be careful to not push them away too much...make the effort to see them but cut if short if you’d like to. Say no to a long night out and yes to a quick coffee catch up for example.

I’m loathe to diagnose but have you thought that you might have slight ASD?
Needing quiet time and a reluctance to make eye contact are symptoms. As is not wanting to spend much time with people.
That you need quiet time after being with people suggests a sensory overload.
This is nothing to be worried about as so many people feel the same way.

Maybe your friends are boring self centred dicks.

It's not that you don't want to be around anyone, you've said your mum and DD are fine.

As for pp suggesting ASD, you weren't exhausted by social contact before so ignore that

It's ok to grow out of people or interests. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you at all.

I’m loathe to diagnose but have you thought that you might have slight ASD?

There's no such thing as having "slight ASD." Ditto for "mildly autistic." A person either has autism or they don't. You can't have it slightly or a little bit of autism. And no, having autistic traits does not make a person "mildly autistic" before anyone comes out with that cliche. Funny how you're "loathe to diagnose" but happy to suggest a person may be autistic based on the scantest of evidence.