Tattoos - to erase the name AIBU?

[Flosseteacake]

Hello all (waves)
Long time lurker, first time poster (so please be gentle)

I'm trying to canvass views and opinions to see if it is me who is BU or the OH?

We've been together for 3 years (not married or living together) He finally has the time and money to book himself in for colouring in some of his tattoos. I don't have any and never will do but I appreciate good ones on other people.

He's got the name of his daughter and his ex on his arm (they were on and off for 8 years) I've asked him since he's going there is there anything that he can do with his ex's name?

I'm not asking for my name to be tattooed on him (although he has had coverups of previous ex's done) and I think it's a bit tacky but I don't think I'm BU since he's going to have his ex's name covered up? It's not a huge job (about 3cm across and 1cm in height) and they can't stand each other so there's no love lost there.

But... I receiving every excuse under the sun of why he can't and this time he can't use the excuse of time or money?

I don't get it? :-/

It's simple. He doesn't want to cover it up.

Can you stop thinking of it as his ex but as his child's mother? So it's really about his child?

I realise that might make bigger all difference to you but since it's his body and his choice all you can do is find a way to not care about it.

Well, obviously you can leave him over it but I'm guessing that's a bit of an extreme solution.

Bugger not bigger.
My autocorrect seems to have huge issues with bugger.

Maybe he doesn't want to upset his daughter by covering it up?

That said, you would think he would have learned a lesson about getting names tattooed after the first cover up.....

Tattoos represent a time in your life. If they can't stand each-other and is a small cover up I don't know why he wouldn't have it removed.
Do you like tattoos? Maybe he fears you'll want your name added once he covers this one.

Good point in his DD, the tattoo represents her and her DM.

So he’s had at least 3 women’s names tattooed? Nice!

I think if you say he “finally” has the money to get some work done, then that sounds like he isn’t someone that can just do it any time. So - he probably doesn’t have the money for what he wants AND what you want. So no, he might not have the money for that.

More likely though, is the fact that it’s his daughter’s mum. I’m divorced. My children think I’m still friends with their dad. (I’m not, but we don’t want them to feel awkward). I don’t have his name tattooed on me - but I think that one of my children would struggle with me erasing her dad’s name. She’s fine about the divorce, never any issues - but I don’t think she’d like that erasing.

At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. It's some in on skin. It doesnt change how he feels about you or her.
I'd always avoid asking someone to have something done to their body as it's not your choice. Yes give an opinion ( eg "I don't like the fact that you have your exs name tattooed on you") but you shouldn't ask him to cover it up or be upset if he doesn't.

Op in the real world most people would be unhappy with being confronted with a tattoo of an exes name. On Mumsnet people will defend anything to do with the mother of the child and expect partners of men with children to put up with things they never would expect anyone else to.

You're not being unreasonable OP. Why would he not want to cover this one when he has done it before?

Tell him to stop drawing on himself

@KylieKoKo

Op in the real world most people would be unhappy with being confronted with a tattoo of an exes name. On Mumsnet people will defend anything to do with the mother of the child and expect partners of men with children to put up with things they never would expect anyone else to.

You're not being unreasonable OP. Why would he not want to cover this one when he has done it before?

She can be as upset as she likes. She isn't in control of what tattoos he chooses to have or not have and she either makes her peace with that or not.

Thank you all for your views.
I’m in agreement - it’s his body and his choice and I respected his opinion when he said why he wouldn’t like me to have gastric band surgery but then as some of you have said it’s a part of his previous life, he has 2 children with the ex and only the older child is represented on his body, if he chose to have something to represent us on him, I wouldn’t stop him but I find it grating that the arm he wraps around me is emblazoned with her name on it?

Maybe I’m just thinking too much into it, but he doesn’t have to look at it everyday. He nearly died last year and the year before that (a cat with 9 lives!) and I’m damned if he’s going out on my watch with her name tattooed across him.

PS. Thank you for all your replies

@DrManhattan

Tell him to stop drawing on himself

Quite! It's a ridiculous thing for anyone to do, I wish the fashion would just cease.

He might not want to upset his kid maybe?

If your want to get a gastric band then crack on. It's your body.

Personally I'd have much more of an issue if my bloke wanted to put my name on his body. Stupid idea. You're being a bit sqew wiff.

I literally forget my tattoos & don’t see them. Tattooing just a text based name is considered “bogan” Would take more issue that he had shit ink & didn’t come up with a creative concept.

He’s had other ex’s names removed? So he has form for getting named inked on himself? I’d be more pissed that after three years he didn’t have my name!

My fiancé has a tattoo for his ex (not her name but a little message and their anniversary date) he lied to me at the beginning of us dating and said it was for his dog! That quickly unravelled as the relationship went on and he told the truth.

Years ago I half-jokingly said I wouldn’t marry him with the tattoo and he’s got his first removal session on Friday. He is happy to remove it and I’m happy he wants to. I can’t lie, it did annoy me at first but I could live with it now. YANBU in disliking it and preferring it covered up.

Unfortunately you can’t physically force him to do it so I guess the best approach would be to calmly explain your feelings on it; if he really can’t afford it this time, how about next time?

I had an exs name tattooed on me because I was young and stupid.
It never bothered me or any boyfriends I had until I got married.
Me personally I didnt want to start married life with someone else's name on me.
If I hadn't of got married? I'm not sure, because of where it is in relation to another tattoo I cant do much about a cover up so I just had it crossed out. So probably not because it just looks like a slip was made with my other tattoo.

And the moral of the story is don’t get people’s names tattooed on you.

Or any words tattooed. They look really daft.

I agree with you, OP, I wouldn't want to be sleeping with a man who had someone else's name tattooed on him. It would remind me of his fickleness and lack of foresight,tbh.