Excuse me while I scream here - teenagers.

[Paranoidmarvin]

Arghhhhhhhhhh
Can I scream here louder.
Ohhhhhhhhhh for the love of everything.

If I see one more eye roll sarcastic comment. Moaning or groaning. One more door slam. One more anything I will walk out the door. Move house till he becomes a human being again.

He is a sensible boy. But. A moaning groaning eye rolling teenager.

Hate not knowing what mood he will be in. How can putting your stuff in the dishwasher be the end of the world.

Just arghhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Anyone else or am Aibu.
Please tell me I’m not the only one with a moody rude teenager. He is 16 by the way. Not really had this before.

It is SO hard @Paranoidmarvin

I can honestly say that our choice to completely ignore rather than “parent” DS was not borne out of a considered response but rather just sheer exhaustion and an inability to do anything else.

@XFPW yes. I feel like everything is getting too much on both sides. And I just need to step back a bit. We are trying to make him more independent and I feel like I’m so wound up by it all I need to just step back.

Why do they have to slam doors! Drives me mad. Mine look at me like crap some times and I have to remind them I'm their mother. Moody little shits.

I found the trick was to play along with it.

DD "why do I have to wash up?"
Me "it's fine you don't, if eating off a dirty plate is your thing then go for it and I'll just wash up want I've used".

DD slams a door
Me "you do realise that that wasn't hard enough so if you want to come back and do it again feel free"

I'd still get the occasional strop but it never lasted long.

and

Is tough, and I hate that I keep counting the months until he will go to uni (will he?)

I am afraid the only approach is ignore, and have some gin!

YABU - add period mood swings to that and double it, like we deal with, and I may have some sympathy. :)

Aye Flipperdoda I totally get the fact that she doesn't want to be "mothered" (despite the fact that she often forgets her key!) and YY there is no logic to it, it's just the disproportionate response that gets me every time. How a seemingly innocuous question about a key can explode in to a full-blown rather hurtful and personal rant about what she sees as undesirable aspects of my character, behaviour or parenting skills, escalating from 0 to 10 in under 4 seconds ...in the middle of a nice day when we had been laughing together 10 mins previously ...when I was only saying it in the first place so she wouldn't be inconvenienced. And I somehow end up as the "horrible mother" because I didn't want her waiting on the doorstep?

Totally agree with Sparklesocks about them being at the whim of their emotions and not being able to see the bigger picture.

I am thinking of stepping back too as I genuinely feel quite depressed atm. I know this sounds very self-pitying "poor me" and it's up to us adults in this situation to maintain good relations and start each day afresh etc, especially with Covid-19 and all it entails for teens atm, but honestly it's a bit demoralising to have your good intentions constantly shat on and reasonable expectations (to occasionally walk the dogs and empty the dw) a constant cause of upset. (To be fair dd does help but it's always on her terms, not with the rhythm of the household ifyswim. (The dogs dont particularly enjoy being dragged out at midnight.)

I had a strict Irish mammy and I swore I would parent in a more understanding way ... but I am beginning to think she had the right idea ... .

This is making me doubt everything tbh. Have we all been too understanding over the years? Were we like this (or worse) and have we forgotten how horrible we were?

Arrrghhhhhhhh.

squanderedcore

Ah, I get you. I think my Mum was more like your Mum - there is absolutely no chance I would have ranted like that at all. The worst I did was probably roll my eyes, answer "yes I have my key" in a rude tone, and complain to friends about it.

I think you can be understanding whilst also coming down very firmly on hurtful behaviour to others (in this case, you) although again, no practical experience of implementing this with teens - I just think that's a very reasonable line to draw whatever style of parenting you're trying to go for! Best of luck. You wouldn't let a partner or a friend speak to you like that, would you!

My 14 year old is like this but tbf she was before lockdown. Can't say anything without getting my head bitten off one day and the next she'll want a cuddle and chat on the sofa.
Yesterday I asked her to pass me a nappy and got load of attitude about how she does everything and I never ask her sister to do anything. So I got the nappy myself. Oh my God! I was to pass it to you. Stormed upstairs and slammed the door.
Love her to bits but can't wait for her to go back to school.

That sounds hard Rosebel . Hats off to you for handling teen angst and DC in nappies at the same time!

That's exactly it Flipperdoda I wouldn't have dared to speak to my mother that way either! I would have been too afraid to do so. Maybe this is the price we pay for our DC not being afraid of us, but I don't see why it should be so "give an inch and they take a mile" ifyswim, surely there's a balance to be struck? If so, I have evidently got it wrong.

I do try and set boundaries but unfortunately I am undermined by DH (who can do no wrong in dd's eyes because he works such long hours it's all tea and cakes when they're together) which is a whole different thread ... .[sigh]

These teen years are way way harder than the baby and toddler years? I think or maybe I've just blotted it from my mind haha. And I have one in the depth of teenage and one just starting! Lord give me strength and wine

My DS is 12, 13 in a couple of months, so not quite at the epicentre of teenage unreasonableness yet. Most of the time he’s alright, but god, talk about labile. He can go from perfectly cheeery and pleasant one minute to being utterly evil the next. It’s like a switch has been flipped.

I have taken to mirroring his behaviour when he gets like this.If he’s stropping about something I’ll join in in an exaggerated manner. It normally results in him stomping off to his room, which is great. It also keeps me entertained. Funny how they don’t like their behaviour being reflected back to them. He’ll normally remain in his room for a bit and re-emerge a bit later on in a better mood.

My 17 yo DD is such a nice, kind helpful person but my 12 yo old DD is like the spawn of Satan this last year. Nothing is good enough for her or no one. If shes like this at only 12 I dread the next 6 years

Yab sooooo unreasonable. God, it's not your teens fault you are so lame and annoying and always asking stupid questions. Nobody else's parents moan all the time or treat them like they're 2.

FINE THEN TEENS ARE A NIGHTMARE IF IT WILL STOP YOU GOING ON.
Massive eye roll, exaggerated sigh, slams door on thread.

(I have two, but tbf the eldest started rejoining humanity a year ago and is human 99% of the time now)

It's like no-one was ever a teenager themselves.

I remember the total fucking hell of it - and of course, I wasn't allowed to swear.

So yeah, he rolled his eyes and whinged. And I did what I wish someone had done when I was a teen. Empathised. And normally I hate that word. But I HAD been there.

Time to rewatch Harry Enfield's Kevin the teenager.

I have twin teenagers, I feel your pain OP.

This book is great Divas and doorslammers

As is this for the science behind it all teenage brain

This thread is reassuring (at least it gives me some faith that the AAARRRGGGHHHH teens 😡 phase does end, eventually).
Hope you are all still surviving yours.

I hear you!
'Emotional' 14 year old girl here