Obsessed with the wrong things domestic

[botswanabanana]

Have name changed for this as I'm very embarrassed about how I am.
I'm quite socially awkward and though I do make an effort and have a small handful of friends I really like, I dont see people very often.
I feel obsessed with looking right, but often all I do in a season is stand by the side of a sports pitch watching kids and that's the only time I get to wear my planned outfits.
I worry that once they leave school I will never go anywhere, especially in the daytime.
I have been totally obsessed during lockdown with making my house look good, especially the spare bedroom.
I've been googling for hours on end and buying fabric, which I've tried to return and got into messes.
I've not told anyone about these obsessions, but it takes time away from the kids as I cant talk to them until I have my plans straight in my mind- which never happens, or even if it does I'm on to the next thing.
I'm already on citalopram and had a lot of counselling etc. I have to numb anxiety, which means I feel half awake all the time.
This is so horrible, aibu to think this isn't fixable?

Please speak to a professional and get help.

I did have an appt with a private psych but didn't want to explain it all online.
Realistically I guess I need to add in some meds, I read about ppl in the us taking bupropion which I want to try.
Last time i was dx as having neurosis.

Don’t be embarrassed that you are struggling.
It is fixable, but to be able to get help to fix it you need to be open and honest with your doctor so you can get the right kind of support. I know how downright terrifying it is to try to articulate how you are feeling. It can help to write it all down and then give your gp the piece of paper. Be as honest as you can be- yes it will be hard.
Don’t try and diagnose yourself and don’t worry about which medications you may need to help. That is the professionals job. All you need to do is be honest and seek help.
Good luck

I agree with the poster above. This is totally fixable with professional help xxx

Might you have ADHD?

Yes possibly as my brain never stops. Perhaps I will look for an adult specialist in that.
But dont want to dx myself.

When I was getting married I almost got the sack as I took a taxi on account and bunked off to the west end to buy a wedding dress when I already had one.
Its like a circle, like shopaholic gone mad.

Of course it’s fixable. You need to say how you feel to a therapist.
Don’t hold back, just tell it like it is.